HOPE SOMEONE RELATES// kinda long sorry

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by BRRATS99, Mar 23, 2020.

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  1. BRRATS99

    BRRATS99 New Member

    My mom was hospitalized feb 16th and passed away on the 26th from avm one day before her 53rd birthday completely unexpected gone forever in what felt like an instant to my whole life changed the day I got that phone call. I’m 23 years old I still lived at home with her. This has obviously been a tremendous loss and has impacted my life in ways I don’t even think I realize yet. I’m lucky that I have friends and family around daily (not any more with covid-19) but still in contact daily. Nobody in the last two weeks has asked me how I’m doing or anything related to the death of my mother (besides my aunt/brother) they are my rocks. I also don’t just want people asking me how am I doing daily bc obviously I’m doing bad really bad so it’s a double edged sword. I have a really seriously tight group of friends no fake b.s we are brothers .When I was around fhem it made me feel good and I act normal (laugh smile have fun) and I think that made them feel like “oh wow he’s already better” “our friend is back to normal just like that” and I think when they see me okay now it’s like “we’ll I don’t wanna bring it up because he seems to be doing well” but that’s so not that case. I don’t blame them at all none of them have been through this and none of them know how to help me even if they wanted to. Has anyone gone through something like this before?
     
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  2. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member

    First of all very sorry for your loss, it's a tough road you're on !! I'm pretty sure you'll have lots people here understanding exactly how you feel, it seems to be a common theme as friends and family think you should be starting to feel better, after all it's been a month !! Most don't understand that although you seem ok on the outside there is still so much pain inside but as you said you can't blame them. What I found is that you'll have some people that do get what you're going through and will listen to what you need to say, keep those people close as you work through the grief, it will help. As well sharing your story on a site like this will hopefully help you, it did me. Take it a day at a time, this will get better !! Dan
     
  3. BRRATS99

    BRRATS99 New Member

    Thank you Dan!!!
     
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  4. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    Sorry for what you are going thur. I lost my best friend/roommate a little over two months ago. My person. Everyone thinks I should be “over” it by now. Crazy. One friend went as crazy to say... “I miss the old you”. I don’t really talk to her right now because that comment pissed me off.
    No one knows how to react to us because I guess at this point they never felt this pain. I wish people would ask me about her. I want to talk about her but no one does so just for sone connection I call her uncle. It’s a weird time in our lives. I could ramble on because god knows I do but people just are weird they don’t know how to react. And before I lost my person I guess I didn’t know either.
     
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  5. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    BRRATS99

    Sincerely sorrow for the loss of your mother. So many of us here on this site have lost one or both of their parents. When we grieve with that loss, sometimes words are troubling, so hard to put in beautiful words for the one(s) who raised you, cared for you in life.

    Life is what it becomes. We have no control, though we may wish it were so. When I think about all the troubling times I have faced in life, I went forward in those heavy times with faith in myself.

    I have prayed for myself, for others, and for those who I have lost, been with others when they had to face their own loss. I just know, all things that happen, we move along in life with so many thoughts. You can’t let yourself fear tomorrow, you just might need to accept that perhaps fate (kismet) is stepping into our lives.

    As for your friends being happy you are back, that is natural. Like you, they need that connection to you. So please don’t be concerned with your brothers, they will be there for you in life forward.

    Some things in life are just so hard for any of us to talk about. But if you take the time, read through posts in these forums and you will find more people like Dan who also have been touched by sorrow. We each work through our grief as best as humanly possible, talking about it in the most open and honest way we know. While we can’t take that hurt you hold away, we can help you to work through your emotions you hold. I know you loved your mother, just like all the rest of us do. We are shattered when they are no longer with us.

    Keep in contact with your friends, and try to keep talking here and say whatever is on your mind. There is no time limit to grief, no perfect answers for you, just know that grief and sorrow are strong with loss and it will take time to work through your hurt deep inside you.

    For now, I hope you will take care of yourself. Please don’t give in to despair. May you find some peace tonight.

    -david


    This song is for you


     
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  6. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Brrats99
    Glad you are here and condolences on your loss. I agree very much with the above posters. Especially as long as it takes. I have heard the expression that it comes in waves. I guess that is true. Also, the triggers that so many emotions are attached to. I went threw many tears. There seemed a pattern of heartbreak. Then the tears with some cleansing or release at the end. Those came in all forms. I even named the different types like Niagra or babbling spring. I am glad you have supportive friends. I also am impressed you can not be offended by others awkwardness over this. The feeling many have is uncertainty. They don't wish to intrude or upset you. They don't want to say the wrong thing. sometimes I wanted to talk about Kay all the time. Sometimes any other than grief and loss.

    Best to you. Chat should you feel the need. I am sure your mother is a fantastic woman and will always be proud of you.

    Paul M.
     
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  7. christine 36

    christine 36 Active Member

     
  8. christine 36

    christine 36 Active Member

    Hi
    Any loss is hard to bare but we all grieve differently there is no right or wrong way to grieve, I lost both my parents at a young age but met my husband at 16 and
    Married at 17, we we managed to make it for 50 yrs in June 17th 2017 he passed away on October 18th 2017 from Cancer
    He suffered for 6 months so not an awful long time, but that was the day my world ended as I knew it, He was my Best friend and my world we had an Amazing marriage two beautiful children and two lovey Grandsons, There is absolutely no way anyone would understand unless they are in the boat, My friends and family have been wonderful but really do not understand why after over two years I am still so Sad
    and grieving, But I tell them I have been with this wonderful man for 50 yrs we practically grew up together, what’s two years compared to 50 any way no sure if anyone will read this post but just wanted to say what’s in my mind,
    All the best Christine 36
     
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