Holidays alone

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by Cammiecat, Nov 22, 2018.

  1. Cammiecat

    Cammiecat New Member

    Happy Thanksgiving. This is the first major holiday that I am spending alone. No Dave to keep me company. He died on July 17th after 30 years of being together. The feelings of depression are settling in. And i just found out my favorite Aunt died yesterday. Its all too much. It makes me ask questions like "What's the point?". I know that i should be turning toward the positive, but my depression and anger tie me down and pummel me with grief. I have no more energy, no motivation. No will to go on.
  2. Marianne Mueller

    Marianne Mueller New Member

    I know how you feel I feel the same way today.
  3. lulubell

    lulubell New Member

    Cammiecat, yesterday was the first time in 30 years for me too being alone on Thanksgiving. The holidays are going to be tough and I am truly dreading them.
  4. Marianne Mueller

    Marianne Mueller New Member

    I feel like I have lost everything that was important to me and live.

    I feel like Life is pain. I am very pissed about that.

    I feel like even if I get through this pain, there will be more Unendless less pain.

    Because now I feel Scared that I won’t be able to handle any more pain or loss in my life.

    I even feel ever being happy again, because then I will feel pain again when it is gone
  5. YellowEyeDog

    YellowEyeDog Member

    I am sorry for your losses, Cammiecat Marianne and Lulubelle. Thanksgiving and this Christmas are my first holidays without my husband anf soulmate of 49 years. I always heard people say holidays were the hardest. Now I know, because I am experiencing them myself. Its going on 9 months since he is gone. Its a rollercoaster ride, but mostly more downs than up. All the memories of past holidays come flooding back. People say treasure those memories....I do treasure them but they bring somuch sadness.....because I know I will not have all that love and comfort again with him. I am sorry for your losses, I am feeling the same feelings as you.....
  6. Marianne Mueller

    Marianne Mueller New Member

    The holidays are definitely excruciating after a loss. I feel for you ladies as well. It is so disorienting to not be with your loved ones on the holidays.

    I have started reading a book called “Its OK if you are not OK”. It is so hard to be not OK and the author is a therapist who lost her own husband and now understands what real grief is.

    I was actually trying to find her website when I found this particular Grief group. It is not helpful for me to talk to people who are not in grief, at the moment.

    Just knowing I am not a lone in this lonely spot is somewhat of a comfort.

    Thinking of you and hoping for getting through the holidays for each of us.
  7. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    My sympathies to all who are going through their first holidays without a loved one. I did not lose a spouse, so I can’t relate to that. I lost my mother suddenly in May. One week later was Mother’s Day. In September was her birthday. Then Thanksgiving and now Christmas is almost upon us.

    During Thanksgiving at my brother’s house, he didn’t even mention her before the meal - as if she never existed. Perhaps he was doing it to not upset my father, but I felt hurt.

    I don’t know how to cope during holidays without a loved one. Everyone says to remember all the good times, not the fact that those days are over. That, however, is much easier said than done.
  8. Jeff4468

    Jeff4468 New Member

    I lost my Aunt January 23 2018 She was like my mother since I was a little boy.I have been there for her when she went thru a divorce after 25 years of marrige and had cancer.I moved to Florida with her to help her get settled.I meant someone here in Florida and decided to stay.My Aunt was my world I talked to her everyday and she spent the holidays with me.I am so very lost and feel so alone without her.Thanksgiving was bad but Christmas seems it’s going to Be the worst.It was her favorite holiday and because she had no use of her left arm from a stroke from treatments.She would call me to help her to decorate.I miss her calls I miss her so much I don’t know how to get thru this my heart is broken to pieces.
  9. YellowEyeDog

    YellowEyeDog Member

    Jeff, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can feel your devastation ..... I agree, Christmas is hard. Its the first for me too. I do not really have any advice, I have not found a way to make it any easier. Its been 8 months since my husband went on ahead ....they say time will heal, but I have my doubts right now. I started writing a journal every day. In this I talk to Tom and tell him everything, like we used to talk. I feel a bit better after I get it all out, perhaps that would help you. Sending good thoughts.
  10. Jeff4468

    Jeff4468 New Member

    Thank You!I also do some journaling I am very sorry for your loss also.I agree when you say time will heal I also have my doubts about that.I think with me I was so busy in the beginning when she passed trying to do everything funeral her home etc etc that I did not stop and grieve any.Now it’s like a wave of emotions flooding me especially since Thanksgiving and now going into Christmas.Thank You for your good thoughts I am sending prayers for you God Bless.
    YellowEyeDog likes this.
  11. Lisa7

    Lisa7 New Member

    It was the first thanksgiving without my mom and it was extremely difficult. I did not have family or friends, it was just me at a restaurant by myself. I’m glad to make it through that day so I understand.
  12. Jeff4468

    Jeff4468 New Member

    First I want to Thank You and then I want to say it’s feels so helpless I will be alone no family or friends on Christmas Day.I used to have big dinners and be around family.But they moved away and my Aunt/Mother passed last year.I miss her so much and don’t know what to even do anymore.Its just me and her dog who I take care of and I am so heartbroken with out her here.I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.

    God Bless
  13. YellowEyeDog

    YellowEyeDog Member

    Although my husband is gone now, and these are the first hlidays without him, I do have family. Thst helps, but once they all leave or I come back home its lonely. I have our dogs, and if I did t have them,.... well I doont think I could standbeing in is house alone. I am sorry to both of you for not having familyor friends, I dont think I could make. A go of it without them. Ihope you mayfind someone, somewhere , for a bit of company. Vnif youwent to church, Im sure they would welcome you ....