Hi. I’m new here. I lost my mom 2 weeks ago

Hi.
Four months ago, my healthy, vibrant, positive mother had a brain hemorrhage. My dad saved her life by giving her cpr. She was in bad shape, for weeks we didn’t know if we were going to lose her. During this time lock down was happening because of Covid-19. She was in the hospital in another country. We saw her once because they did not know if she was going to make it. After that we weren’t allowed to see her. I moved back home to stay with my almost completely blind father. She slowly got better. After 2 months she had made a miraculous 90% recovery. I got my mom back. It was life changing. I was so grateful.
She was about to come home for the weekend because she was doing great and was sick of staying in the hospital - By this time, we had 0 positive Corona cases in our country. Our strategy had worked - when she got worse. She was rushed to another hospital but they were clueless. No one could tell us what had happened. She seemed like she had dementia. She knew who we were but not much else and that’s when I lost faith in doctors. I was constantly scared for my mom and had bad anxiety. Less than two weeks later I got the call. She had suffered another serious brain hemorrhage and this time they couldn’t help her. She had less than an hour they said. My daughter and I had gone back home because school had started. It is a two hour ferry ride to get to my home island. Luckily my dad was by her side.
That was it. My mother was gone.
It was strange. I didn’t cry very much. I focused on my daughter. Her father is not in her life and I was a young mother so my mother was everything to us. All I thought about was getting my daughter through this. I knew I had to be strong.
I still feel strange. I don’t feel my own emotions around my family because we are all going through our own grieving process. It is like I am afraid to upset them. But as soon as I am by myself I am hit with sadness and loneliness. I’m completely alone in this world and sometimes I feel glasslike. Any little thing can cause me to break. I am still with my father but I am scared when normal every day life begins. I turned to my mother for everything and she’s not here anymore. I’m terrified.
Mommy, I miss you so much.
I feel ok most days. But then, like today. My car is getting something fixed and my mom’s car is outside. Everyone drives it but I just can’t. It was my mom’s car. Everything inside that car is my mom. And also, it was in that car that the first incident happened. My dad likes to sit in it and think of her. But to me I’m afraid to get near it. I just can’t...
I’m not sure how these things work. But just getting this off my chest and speaking freely has already helped me. I apologize if I did something wrong. Thank you to whomever listened.

 

I'm sorry for your loss. My mom passed away May 29. It's been a month but seems like two years. A part of me went with her and I miss her dearly. Your moms presence will always be watching over you and I believe she would want you to carry on. This is a great tool for getting things off your chest with no judgement. I'm glad you felt better after doing just that. Be encouraged!