Last year on 15th September,my dad complained of a headache and so we took him to get some medicines from the nearby hood clinic.
On 20th of the same month in the evening after coming from work, my mum suggested we take him back to the clinic because that day he had vomited alot,his temperature was high and still complained of headaches. Unfortunately he refused saying that we would do it tomorrow because it had gotten dark and the headaches had reduced...
We did that and the following day being 21st,a day that's so vivid in my mind ,I woke up asked for bus fare from him which he gave me then I bid him a goodbye peck while he was still in bed and off I rushed to work..
At around 1100hours,I received a very bad news call on my phone from my brother in-law. He said that my dad had stroke while at home and he was immediately rushed to the hospital. I have never felt so much lost, afraid and confused after that call because for starters, I had never seen my dad hospitalized or serious ill in my life.Godly given good health had been his portion for a long time..I quickly informed the manager on duty and quickly rushed to get a but to the hospital. My brother called me in between the journey telling me to wait for them at a certain place because they were coming after having being referred to another hospital and so I had to alight .After some time,our car pulled over to where I sat beside the road and boarded in. Inside was my brother driving,sister,dad and mum. So after boarding in,I called my dad,"dad" and shock on me my dad couldn't finish saying out my name..The stroke has started affecting his speech and paralyzed him on the left side..I screamed and cried because I couldn't just believe everything that was happening because it was happening so fast and so traumatising..
We arrived and immediately two scans were done which revealed that he had a major stroke..He was admitted and two days after the admission,He was taken to the ICU after falling into a semi comma..
Friday the following week being 27th, a major hour long brain surgery was done and then two other major ones and three minor ones at different body places... All this time ,after surgery,he was in ICU and HDU..
I have never ever felt lonely, drained,afraid,angry,hopeless like the days dad was in HDU and ICU...
We would spend everyday from early morning staying at the hospital while working on shifts of who would sleep in the hospital and during this time,the doctors wouldn't just allow us to see him while other times we would just see him over the glass cubicle...
For the times we went in to see him,we would come out more alive,more hopeful,more strong ,have much faith in God because just seeing him put some sanity and joy to our lives as he lay on that bed even if he couldn't talk back to us because of the tracheostomy pipe plus the loss of speech..
And being a daddy's girl, one of my happiest moment during that hard time, was when I went in ,called him,and then he opens his eyes for me ,hold his hand and he would try to press mine from afar because his nerves were very weak and he was still numb.. I would pretend not to cry and tell him good job dad you doing it...It was such a bittersweet moment but afterwards I would just go cry it out in the ICU waiting room because you just can't do it infront of a patient who's struggling for his life which machines and pipes all over..
During the last week of October,the primary doctor told us dad's health was improving and he was to be taken to his private ward which they did but after two days ,the doctors returned him back to the HDU because it returned back to being serious..
To cut a long story short,on 4th November,I'd gone to work just to try to distract off ,my sister came for me..
So I went and asked her what was wrong,she told me that our mum was calling us because she had something to tell us.. Nothing alarming crossed me instantly that time because she delivered the message so calmly but immediately my mind thoughts shifted to dad ,I just asked her if my dad was okay and she told(she lied and I didn't know by that time) me that dad was super okay.. So I took off my belongings and as we reached the gate, behind us pulls my uncle's car and we enter..all this time nothing is hitting me about the seriousness of dad ..I asked my aunty why did they have to come all of them to my workplace becauseone person was enough and she said it was mum's suggestion.. Apparently,to them they came(siz,uncle,aunt,siz) because they thought someone would have delivered me the bad news that I was the second last person to know of..Those were the most long twenty minutes of my life!!!
My aunt said even before the car had pulled over to the parking,I'd already jumped off..
So I went and stood at the hospital glass door and didn't see a sign of my mum and as I stood checking around the compound,I saw in the hospital garden faces that were familiar.. I rushed trying to see where my mum was seated at and there she sat between people with her face covered with her hands and her head bowed to her laps..
After noticing her all I remember was I was just screaming and shouting "no mum! No mum!" Because she didn't have to tell me! It was just written on everyone's faces..
My Lord Jesus is the only person who can tell what I felt that moment.no amount of words can describe the feeling and pain I felt that moment after knowing my dad was no more..
My sweet loving dad. The guy that was my whole world and everything.The best friend I had even before being a dad.The sacrifices we've made for a father and a daughter..The unsung hero of super rally driver..The fixer of my world,the annointed prisest of our family who prayed for us everyday everytime.the buddy ,the shoulder,the listener,the protector,the care giver,the bread winner,the source of our joy...
He was just everything to me..Yes they are perfect dad's out here but my dad was just simply the best..
He might not have being the perfect one but one thing I know of is that he was the most amazing person I got to know of!
And then death decides to sting him away from me as a first person for a loss...
It's my first time experiencing a loss and what I can say six months down the line it surely hurts so so much..
Everything so fresh and clear .
I'm writing this through sobs..
All I'm trying to say is that six months afterwards, I am
Uncontrollable crying
I have loss of appetite
Finding problems sleeping
Panic attacks
Feelings that my life is meaningless
Having trouble completing daily tasks
Having increased irritability and anger
Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
Having Intensified longing for my dad
I go to familiar places hoping to see him
Avoiding people or places that remind me of him
having Lack of self-care
Finding it trouble believing that dad is no more
Facing loss of identity
Worrying about myself, mum
I am withdrawing from social interactions
Feelings of worthlessness
Having persistent grief and intrusive thoughts
Lacking a support system
Getting Unexplained illnesses such as headaches or stomachache
And I just need help ...
I just need help
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