Help Supporting Others Grieving

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by kchanel, Jul 3, 2020.

  1. kchanel

    kchanel New Member

    Hello,

    I'm new here. First I want to send my condolences to everyone who has lost a love one.

    It has definitely been challenging supporting my boyfriend (who lost his mom), stepdad (lost his dad), and then one of my best friends (lost her man).

    I'll try not to make this too long:

    My boyfriend lost his mom back in April and I thought I was doing the right thing by making things easier around the house, give him space, limit talking and so on. I never said anything about him not working, then of course I been paying the bills and taking care of our home. It's been quite exhausting and draining, especially because he gives me no support what so ever. Whenever I ask/say ANYTHING he throws a fit.
    Its like were on repeat everyday and I am so exhausted, confused, and hurt.

    He says to:
    Leave him alone
    Stop talking to him & give him space
    That I don't know what he is going (which he is right I don't)
    That I am selfish and not everything is about me or our relationship because I'm not his priority

    Look he's been aggressive, and so much tension in the house. I love him dearly, but I don't how much longer I (we) can tolerate this... I'm trying to be patient and supportive but it's hard when continues to treat me like this.
     
  2. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    Dear kchanel, WOW. You have your hands full You wrote mostly about your boy friend so I will address that. Before his loss did he act the same or was he more open to discussing his feelings? Was he working before the loss? If he says you don't know what he is working through, ask him to tell you or suggest a support group or individual grief counseling. Some people can not work through this alone. A personal questions: if you re not his priority, then where to you fit into his hierarchy? Were you his priority before his loss? You need to look in the mirror and ask yourself some tough questions. You are not his MOM and only mothers have unconditional love for their kids. He can cross the line easily and you will be gone and then what? I wish you good luck in gently guiding him toward some help Sheila