Help me please I’m so lost

Discussion in 'Loss of Child' started by Tracylee71, Apr 30, 2020.

  1. Tracylee71

    Tracylee71 New Member

    Hi I am new on here after years of trying get the strength of reaching out. I have lost two sons suddenly from heart disease I had no prior knowledge that either had a heart condition. My first born passed few months old in 1988 my second passed at age 19 in 2015. I also have two living sons ages 21 & 28. Thought I was healing the real truth is I been running from it keep myself so busy and occupied and now with all this going on in our world being home bound and sitting to deal with self I’m starting to have night terror of finding my 19yr sons body it was real bad when he first passed then stopped I don’t know why now it’s happening again . Pleas help me
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member


    I am so saddened to hear of the loss of your two most precious children. Thank you for sharing such a sorrowful time in your life, I know it must have been so hard to do. You come to a place where there are so many of us who have so many experiences with loss that break even the strongest of those among us. I know tears are precious because from our hearts for those we have lost.

    Even though I have two sons living, your losses are something that so extremely sad. I hope you allowed yourself to seek professional help with - a counselor, a psychiatrist, and/or priest. They can offer guidance and make sure depression has not set in.

    With family and friends, they of course can help as well, but the one thing that can fall short even with their support is the fact that these losses are yours and yours alone. They were your precious children. I am sure many questions are still unanswered for you.

    We will listen as your heart will allow you to talk of them. Take all the time in the world and post as little or long as you like. No words, feelings are off-limits when you speak of loss.

    God, Tracy those night terrors are a sign of depression. Those feelings that are haunting you. Please call a psychiatrist on the phone, or connect on the internet. I am sure there is someone available even in the ungodly time of isolation that has us going nuts in our surroundings.

    Please don't neglect that contact. I have experienced depression, and sometimes it can come without the slightest warning to anyone. Let me share with you how my depression came about and how it affected my life. After my father's death he asked me to take care of my mother. At the time I was married, had two sons, and going to college. Every other day I would drive my mother to/from dialysis, and make sure Meals On Wheels delivered her meals, feed her cats, and sit and talk with her, in between all this drive 45 minutes to/from college and sitting in classes.

    On one weekend we were our way back from my sister's house, and I felt as if I could no longer breathe. It was the middle of winter, as we drove I opened the window hoping the freezing air would help me breathe better. It did not. So we made it home, but as we sat and tried to eat I started choking, and this was to happen on three different days, and thanks to my wife's nurse training she performed the Heimlich maneuver successfully each time. I owe my life to her many times over.

    So I could no longer eat food, even pureed food, it was as if I could not swallow anything including water and soup. The panic attacks started where I would run to the corner of a room and sit on the floor in the corner. This went on until my wife could take my plight no longer and guided me to the doctors.

    He brought a psychiatrist in the room and asked me a series of questions, then gave me a prescription for antidepressants. I was on them for 5 months. By the time I came out of what I would describe as a dream I had lost over 100 pounds. After that time, food was a scary experience each and every time I sat down to eat. I can't say at what point that feeling disappeared but it did.

    Tracy, when I implore anyone to watch out for despair I am speaking from a place in hell in a persons life. If I can help just one person from ever experiencing depression I will be a happy man. So please seek help and tell your doctor of those night terrors, even if only by phone, or even call the hospital, tell them everything leave out no details. Your well-being and life are too important not to act on those experiences.

    So Please listen to my true life words, and take the steps to help yourself Tracy - please. You have seen too much pain, you need to also take care of yourself now first and foremost. I will say a prayer for you, and your sons. Take care.


    I hope you like this song from a special group of children