1. I lost my husband May 29,2020.We would have been married 16 years July 19,2020. This was my 3rd marriage. I was 18 the first time I got married and he was my first boyfriend and a long story. I had all intentions to grow old with him but we only made it 4 1/2 years.He became abusive after the 3rd year.So I finally got a divorce. I turned my life over to the Lord in 1990.I married this guy 1991 On Valentines Day . I grew up with this guy our parents were friends and we attended the same church growing up.What was so crazy I despised him all our childhood. He had got saved in 1988 and became a Preacher.He was 4 years older than me.He had actually went to school with my Ex.So a long story!!We had 2 daughters 6 years apart.Well our marriage fell apart.Ended up in a bad Divorce after 13 years . I had worked with Robert and we were friends for 4 years and after I got a divorce we started dating.We got married July 19,2004.I knew that I actually was never in love until I got with Robert.He was my soul mate.We had our ups and downs but we were gonna grow old together.He was bipolar and never took his medication the right way.So he would get Moody.He snapped on me May 28 and I ended up having to call the police and went to my sisters to spend the night. I was leaving for Ga.the next morning for a Gender party and thought it would be ok when I got back home Sunday. I was in Chattanooga when I got the call that our neighbor found him dead in the floor!! So this is my story. I was in total shock and I have so many questions and will never know the answers!!! I hope you are not looking at me as a cheater and an trashy woman. I just don’t have room to tell all the stories about my life with my Exes!!! Actually I have been abused my entire life until I married Robert. And honestly I look back and I guess I was mentally abused to a certain point. My heart is broken and I would give anything if I hadn’t went to my sisters that night because he may still be here with me tonight!!! If you believe in God I ask you to pray for me.
     
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry all this happened, and such a tragic loss. You’ve been through a lot in your life and now this. But please don’t blame yourself, you had no idea this would happen. We all tend to have guilt after we lose a loved one. I went through it with both my parents, did I do enough, did I help them enough etc. Then more recently I lost my husband suddenly to a massive heart attack. He was taken in two hours and he didn’t have any health issues at all. Came out of no where and taken so fast. I was in shock too, I couldn’t function, no sleep, didn’t eat, couldn’t think straight. I know the pain you feel and understand what you’re going through. The guilt I struggle with is, did I help him fast enough, I cleaned out our medicine cabinet and tossed the aspirin and didn’t replace it, it might have helped him, then in the driveway while waiting to get rolled in the ambulance he yelled “I love you Robin” many times, very loud! I didn’t answer him. But he knew I loved him, and yet it gives me guilt. I was sure he’d be coming back home. But that wasn’t the case sadly.
    You’re grieving the loss of your husband, try not to carry guilt too. We all do the best we can for our loved ones, no one does anything that might hurt them on purpose.
    Try to take care of yourself, take one day at a time, or just one moment. Get through the day, and then tackle the nights. We all struggle at night, sleep comes hard, and it feels so lonely. Your loss is very recent, be good to yourself. Keep reading other people’s stories and posting your own. This site is very helpful and full of people who understand.
    I will most definitely pray for you!
    Robin
     
  3. Thank you so much! I am sorry for your loss also.Everywhere I look there is something of his . I finally went to bed at 5:30 this morning.. I got up at 7.I went to visit some of our elderly friends today.We would go play dominoes with Mr. Paul and Ms. Virginia is probably gonna die anytime!! Of course she asked me where was Robert? She can’t remember ..anything now.So as I come home I break down!!! And I hope and pray he didn’t go to Hell!!! I am so tired and I try to sleep but I can’t!!! I am just doing the best I can
     
  4. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for loss. It's something when you finally meet that one person you plan to spend the rest of your life with only to lose them. I'm sure you have plenty of memories to hold on to. Hold on to them instead of beating yourself up. I get questioning yourself though. I lost my fiancee a few months ago. He had a few health issues but this still surprised me. I took him to the ER but couldnt go in with him due to this virus. Well we talked on the phone while he was there until the hospital called to tell me they were gone keep him. Well I left and went to get the kids and went home. Well in the middle of the night I got a call saying he had turned critical but they'd stabilized him. I couldnt go dwn because i didnt have anyone to get the kids. I keep saying wat if I'd tried harder to take the kids somewhere and went to the hospital. Later on in the morning he'd turned critical again. Well his family took over after that and next thing I new they said he wasnt gone make it through the night and he didnt. I feel like I let him down in the end. It hurts everyday. My kids ask for him all the time. I'm sorry this so long I just wanted to let you no I emphasize with you. Everyday is a challenge but we'll get through it with prayer. I'm here for you.
     
  5. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    o

    Thank you! This is the first time in my life I’ve ever lived alone, it does feel scary, having to do everything alone, no one to help with decisions, it’s difficult.
    An hour and half of sleep isn’t enough, but I understand. My loss is 18 months ago, I’m finally sleeping better most nights. But it’s taken quite a while to get here.
    Its so nice you visit and play dominoes with your elderly friends, sorry they upset you but it’s so nice of you.
    Robert was suffering with bipolar, I don’t believe for a second he’s in hell, he wasn't well, don’t question that. He was a good man, you said yourself he was your soul mate. He was dealt a bad hand with bipolar.
    That’s all you can do, do the best you can. Without pushing too much.
     
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  7. Thank you so much for sharing. I am sorry for your loss. I know we can make it with the help of the Lord.It is just so hard and I know you feel the same!! I will pray for you also.God bless❤️
     
  8. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    You're Welcome! It's good to no that someone understand what you going through. You're right it is hard. We've lost about of ourselves. Nights are the hardest to get through knowing he's not here. This to shall pass but its definitely gone take time and prayer. I pray for strength for the both of us.
     
  9. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry I meant we've lost apart of ourselves.