I never thought losing my mom would be so lonely. I hate everyone who has their mom. Who doesnt know what this or any loss feel like. I dont even want to hear them talk. It sounds so shallow, fake, and thats all I seem to have around me are people with their moms. They dont understand. They think theyve been through something but nothing is quite like this not when I had a good excellent relationship with my mom she was everything to me. All I could count on or had. Maybe thats bad. But she was it all. And I am over 40 no baby and I still needed my mom. My mom was young.
Same here. I lost my mom- last month made 3 years and I'm in my 40s. Regardless of how many titles, degrees, etc., that we obtain, the little girl inside of us still just wants our mom. Moms remember life without us, but we don't know life without them so it's very tough trying to adjust to that new reality....it's awful actually. Just take it one day at a time, and be patient with yourself. People who have never gone thru it have no idea what it's like.
I feel the same with the loss of my dad 11 days ago. I'm in such a rut and cant seem to move forward. I feel your pain.
I lost my mom in November 2018.. I can't say that I hated everyone who still had their mom but I did feel distant from them because we no longer had that in common. I was also very jealous.. I still needed my mom and she was no longer here. She was only 71 when she passed and it was very sudden. To make things worse, I work in an assisted living facility so I'm with old people 40+ hours a week. I see daughters come in all the time to be with their moms.. they do their their hair.. their nails.. take them outside for a walk.. have a meal with them.. or just cuddle on the couch and watch a movie.. And it kills me because I will never have that chance with my own mom. I had no idea how I would be able to continue to do the job that I have always loved so much. I still break down often and am forced to walk away to get myself together. A lot of prayer is what gets me through most days.. And I also realize that someday all of these daughters (and sons) are going to go through the same thing we are going through now and my heart actually aches for them... though their parents are 80+ years old and have lived a full life.. I hate that my moms life was cut so short.. Anyway, I hope one day you will find a little bit of peace.. just take it one day at a time.. one minute at a time if you need to.
Your comment "Moms remember life without us, but we don't know life without them" was beautiful and so very true.. I don't know why that thought never occured to me before but you are absolutely right. We don't know any other way and trying to find a new normal is next to impossible.. Tomorrow wil be six months since I lost my mom and I'm still trying to figure everything out (and I'm 44). She was not only my best friend, but she was also my kids best friend.. especially my 8 year old because she used to pick her up from school almost every day. It's difficult to try to find a new way of life for all of us.. I pray for strength every day.. even strength to just get out of bed every morning.. I want to throw out there that I lost my brother.. my only sibling.. 40 days before I lost my mom.. I truly believe that my brothers death led to, and caused, my moms.. she couldn't handle burying her only son.. It's so hard to make sense of it all.. everything happened so damn fast.
Missmyangels, I am so very sorry for both of your losses, so close together! How awful it must have been to lose your brother, and then not have him there to help you grieve your mom. My mom passed away in November after a very rare and aggressive form of Parkinson's Disease left her unable to breathe and swallow. It was a gradual progression over four years, so we watched her steadily decline. Still, her actual death was very sudden-she just stopped breathing in her sleep, my dad called 911, the paramedics busted open, did CPR, etc. So, after all this, I feel like I experienced the worst of both worlds: watching a loved one suffer and decline over time, as well as experiencing the shock of a sudden and unexpected death with no proper goodbye. Still, my brother and sister were such huge sources of support at that time--I can't imagine having made it through that week without them, and my heart truly goes out to you. I agree with BlueWinds that there are moments in which I feel resentment or anger toward girls who still have their moms. I had my first child five weeks before my mom passed away, and am jealous of all the other new moms who have their own moms to ask questions, visit, and do grandma things with their kids. I feel like they are spoiled and ungrateful, even though I know in my head that this is not true. I just joined this site today, and it truly is nice to have a place where I can speak freely about this awful and complicated process. It is strangely comforting to know others are going through similar experiences.
12nicole01, I too am very sorry for your loss.. it certainly isn't easy watching a loved one decline.. were you there when the paramedics performed CPR? Because that is not easy to watch at all. Especially when it's a family member.. it makes me sad to know that your baby won't have their grandmom in their life but I'm sure you will keep her memory alive for your baby and you will share many, many wonderful stories.. I'm fairly new to this forum as well (I joined a few months ago) and I find it very helpful.. especially when there is no one around to talk to about everything.. knowing that there are always people on here that are suffering the same way brings comfort.. knowing that, even in a very small way, maybe we can all help each other...I hope one day you can find peace in your heart.
Thank you so much, MissMyAngels. I was not present when the paramedics performed CPR; my dad was with her and now whenever I am in my parents’ home, I find myself trying to picture what it was like when they were there, as awful and pointless as that is of me to do. My sister-in-law called me shortly afterwards and we rushed out the door and immediately drove to the hospital, where we all camped out in the ICU waiting room for two days. I find myself almost obsessively going over the details in my mind, kind of like it is a scab I can’t stop picking at-does anyone else do this? My mom was able to meet my daughter just once; she and my dad made the three-hour drive to my home when she was just a week old, even though my mom was weak and in pain... I’m very thankful for that afternoon, and I’m sure I’ll carry on my mom’s memory with our daughter. What about you? Are you able to do things in your life that remind you of your mom and brother? Much love and comfort to you!
Hi 12nicole01.. as far as going over the details in my mind, I do that every single day. I do it so much that I can't concentrate on other things. The what ifs and should haves will drive me insane... My dad and I were there when my mom took her last breath and I'm so thankful for that.. We just kept telling her that we love her and that it was okay to go to be with my brother.. It was hard to watch but I'm glad that I was given that opportunity. My mom used to raise butterflies since 2009.. every fall, the cocoons that hadn't hatched yet would be put in her garage until the spring. Then she would bring them back into the house and they would eventually emerge into beautiful butterflies. Everyone knew her for her butterflies.. she was even in the newspaper for it. Anyway, this spring my dad gave all of the cocoons to my youngest daughter and so far, 5 have hatched.. I cry everytime one does because my mom isn't here to see them.. But before she passed I promised her that we would take care of them for her. These butterflies were her passion.. I miss her every day. I miss my brother too... I'm still trying to make sense of his death. Trying to mourn them both at the same time is so hard.. I can't make sense of any of it. I try to everyday... I hate this feeling I have.. I lost so much of myself when I lost them and I don't know how to get it back.. Maybe it's not even possible. It's a very weird feeling... Do you feel it too? I hope you have a nice weekend.. well, what's left of it anyway... take care of yourself...
