Has anyone moved out of your home after losing a love one?

It's been 5 months since my Jack died. I'm thinking about moving. My daughter wants me to move and be with here. I'm 77 now. She wants me to move to another state.

But should I?

 

Hey hru? How do you feel about moving out of state? I guess it could be a good thing being with your daughter. You are jus a few months in so listen to your heart. If tge pressure of the memories are too much then it may not b a bad idea. I say definitely listen to your heart.

 

From everything I have read, most advice is to not make any big decisions for the first year. In my case, it will take at least that long to get my life organized enough to make a big change. But, while my daughter and son live in the same city as I, and I have noticed a lot of relief when I am talking or visiting with them, they both are moving out of state. My son will be moving within 6 months and my daughter is getting married and moving out of state within another year or two. I don’t know how I will feel by then, but I will probably spend the next year getting ready to uproot and follow one of them. Sounds like you have a good relationship with your daughter. If that’s true, I’d consider moving, as long as you are quite sure that move would not disturb the balance of her life with other loved ones. Praying for wisdom and peace for your decision and your life.

 

My delima is, I live on acres of weeds and upkeep. My husband asked my son in law to help me move because he knew I couldn't take care of this place. My son in law and sister wants me to move closer to them which is 2hrs away across the Calif border into Nevada, and my daughter wants me to move out of state with her. So, I'm really stuck in the middle.

I do know it will take me more than a year to get this place salable. My hubby, Jack, was a pack rat. He owned a landscape company and has every tool, equipment, irrigation pipes, nuts and bolts, as well as being a home builder, so you can imagine all the construction material floating around. He even saved boxes of rusted nails glued together he moved from one place to another. Somehow I have to find a way to take care of this place at least for a year. Financially will be hard. Rice and Beans for me for awhile.

It sounds like you are in the same situation with your kids too. I really hope for the best for you and prayers for you for a right decision. Listen to your heart as Sweetcole said. I guess that's all we have to go by.

 

If you can manage it, a weeks long visit with each might help you see where you feel most at home. It sounds like moving will need to happen after a lot of minimizing the “things” in your life that are important enough to make the move with you. That might give you the time to make those visits before you have to decide. I think it helps to be thankful for what blessings you can recognize in the middle of grief. And having multiple people wanting to keep you close is a blessing!

 

I think you are right on. Visits first. The forum really helps to know we are not alone in our journey. I will post your prayer everywhere, thanking you, CJ

 

Great idea ~ the thread topic caught my eye because I too am facing this issue, although a little differently. Michael, my husband and love of my life, died on July 17th due to a side effect of his lung cancer treatment. Quickly and unexpectedly. The last 9 months have been extremely difficult emotionally for me, not only due to my grief for him, but family drama, settlement of his affairs, isolation of the pandemic, etc. We own two beautiful homes in lovely locations. We moved into an apartment close to the hospital during Michael’s illness and treatment, because he wanted to be close to work and the hospital. This is where we were living at the time of his passing. It is a basic, one bedroom apartment in not the nicest, safest neighborhood, however, it is the place where I feel closest to him and most secure. We became closer here and had some of our best relationship years here if that makes sense. We went through so much together.
I was notified by the property managers last week that I must leave as they are restarting renovations to this section of the building after COVID. We knew this was coming when Michael was still alive. This will force me to go through his belongings before I am ready, and leave this place of memories and emotions that are wide open. At moments I find myself sobbing about leaving.
So.....take your time, follow your heart about where you want to live. I am sure that your children are looking out for your best interest ~ my family has also asked me to move closer to them. I’m staying put as my life was here and I don’t want to leave that behind. But all of those belongings - tools, rusty nails and all, are memories and milestones of your life with your husband. The focus now is on your well-being and healing, finding a way forward that feels right to you. The answers will come.
Praying for peace for all of us.

 

I'm sorry you have to leave where you feel closest to him at sooner than you want to. Going through his things will definitely bring up some emotions. Hopefully some will make you laugh. Im glad you have somewhere else to go though that also have some memories for you. I plan to continue stay where me and my fiancée lived at least til the kids get older. I like that the memories are here. I no someone said to me one day I couldn't still live there. I just smiled and said im not going anywhere its my home. So I get the emotions you're not ready to face. I pray you have strength to get through the items. I hope the good times make you smile and make u stronger as you carry those memories to y'all other place. Good luck with everything!

 

A lot of people leave their home where they shared their spouse and children because the memories are too hard to live with. I feel that moving now I would leave my husband here in our home as I move on to a strange home with no memories but the ones in my head. He's still here with me and I can't leave him now.

It's only been almost 5 months, way to soon to decide if I will go closer to my sister or daughter. I will wait for a sign.

 

My heart goes out to you, I will pray for your strength.

 

Thank you so much. ❤️

 

I’m new to this, so not sure what I’m doing. My question is how does anyone deal with the forgiveness for self if you caused lots of hurt an your realationship and your souse passed suddenly

 

Very hard - I think we are all experiencing guilt to some degree for things we did, or regret for what we didn’t do, or could have done better. That part is human nature and comes with the territory of grief. I have had people tell me that all relationships have issues, people hurt each other - intentionally or not - because we are all human and not perfect. My husband and I loved each other deeply - but, we got on each other’s last nerve sometimes and bickered. I have wished many times I could take back any hurt I caused or unkind word I said. I can’t. Nor can I say I’m sorry one more time to be sure I’m forgiven. I try to focus on all of the good we had, which was most of the time, and how deeply we cared. The journey is what made us stronger and brought us closer together - I wouldn’t change anything but that took time. I tell him everyday in my prayers that I love and miss him and live each day to honor him. Praying for peace for you.

 

You're welcome!