Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Bhicks, Feb 6, 2020.

  1. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    Yea and she was the one the day before to tell me to go on and go ahe knew we needed the money and she. Was like ill see you when i get back which would have been satursdy morning..
    Then Friday afternoon well nite she crashed and they coulsnt get her back..
    And i got the call..
    And to make mattrrs wirse i had to call my kuds and tell them. That was really hard.
    And devastating..
    Point is and i need to beleuve that she knew deep down she was not going to make it and ahe aent me to work so I would not see her in that shape..knowing there was nothing i could have done..
    She knew that would reeally tear me up and k owing my temper i mite have gotten in trouble because i would ha ve wanted them to keep trying and trying..
    Im having big trouble accepting it as it is.. If i was there I really would be a mbigger mess than I am..
    Maybe this aint true but part of ne wants to believe it..
    Have to i ..guess
    Peace to you. dear
    . thank you for your wirds of encouragment
  2. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    If your instinct tells you that she knew deep down and she didn't want you to see her that way, you may be right, after all she knew you and wanted the best for you. Love is like that, we put aside our feelings for our loved one, just as you wanting to be there even though you knew it would be difficult. I don't think you have to guess, you know how you both loved.
  3. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    Yes. I would have stayed ..
    In a heartbeat.. She is my everything..
    I would have done anything to keep windy from the pain and suffering..
    Only wish it coukd have been me just so she wouldn't have to suffer.
    And ahe would have been able to have many more years with these grandbabys..
    Ahe was way to young..
    I just wish i understood why the good Lord called her home so soon..
    Ahe was a good soul.. Went out of her way to help just about anybody..
    She desrved much better..
    I miss her so bad..
    I feel guilty for having a decent day today..
    But on the other hand she would have told me to do just that. To stop dwelling on what cannot be changed..focua on what we have control over..
    Its just teally hard to accept..
    Thanks for listening..god bless you and your family
  4. Bonifacia

    Bonifacia Member

  5. Bonifacia

    Bonifacia Member

    I'm drowning in guilt. The night before my husband died I was exhausted and I fell asleep and didn't go to see him at Hospice. When I went the next day, I was told that he had a rough night, crying out and struggling in his drug induced sleep. I went in and begged him to forgive me for not being there, but he was in a coma and I don't know if he heard me tell him that I loved him with all my heart. He died at sundown that day. To this day I feel that I let him down when he really needed me. I can't get past this guilt.
  6. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

  7. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    I totally underatand the quilt you are feeling I too habe the same guilt from my wife's passing..
    I waa at work the nite ahe passed and it eats me up daily that i chiose that path..
    I ahould have been at her side..
    I beleive in my hearr that your husband heard you talking to him and telling him you loved him..his poor bodie juat wouldnt let him reply..
    But you know he lives you and does not hild it against you. He knkws you needed the rest and woukd want you to get that rest..

    I would say dont burden yourself with the guilt of the day but I too do the same its. One that i can't put down either..its always there..
    Gid bless you and your family..
  8. ArthurAllen

    ArthurAllen Active Member

    Im very sorry for your loss, as others have posted there are no words to describe the pain of loss. I lost my beautiful wife on 8/15 and Im still in shock. She also died in bed and had ongoing health problems. Her passing was sudden, we thought the medications she was taking were controlling her medical issues. But it doesnt change the fact that she's gone. Im glad your reaching out for help. I am doing the same thing, otherwise I think I would lose my mind dealing with the sadness on my own.