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Guilt haunts me, Grief, Regret, unresolved issues, unfinished business - Deceased Father

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Taniaainat, Oct 16, 2019.

  1. Taniaainat

    Taniaainat New Member

    Im terribly devastated by the sudden death of my father. Now Im suffering to so much guilt not treating him well months before he dies. Im not compassionate towards him, neglected him in many ways. He wants my love, but I took him for granted.

    Now the guilt haunts me, I am taking responsibility for my misdeeds. The sufferings inside my head is really unbearable. Im thinking of ways to ease the pain and to let it go, but I really cant.

    I love my dad and I hate my old self, apathetic. If I can bring back the time, I should have done things differently and be so nice towards him. I dont know how to cope now and no idea on what to do.
     
    Ali k. likes this.
  2. Ali k.

    Ali k. Member

    Hello my name is ali I am sorry for your loss, I have lost multiple family members.
    All I can say is what helps me to get through is I talk to them I know they are gone but hope somehow they hear me and apologize for things I may have said or done, I also wrote a daily journal expressing the way I feel it helps.
    I believe they are all watching over me they are my guardian angels.
    Also go for walks through the park and talk to your Dad, always remember dont blame yourself , forgive yourself and love yourself and know you are not alone.
    Anytime you need or want to chat theres a friend waiting for you.
     
    Taniaainat likes this.
  3. Taniaainat

    Taniaainat New Member

    @Ali k.

    Hi Ali K., thank you so much for your reply.

    Even if I do understand what you mean, I feel like, it will be unfair for my dad, thats why sometimes I feel guilty and dont want to be in a happy state. I deserved this, and this is not yet enough for me, I should be punished and I will accept any kind.

    I have so much time to treat him well whilst he's still here, and to be nice to him and to care for him well, but I wasn't able to do. How stupid I am, I've messed up. He dies thinking that I dont care for him any more. And I really deserved all of these, no complain.
     
    Ali k. likes this.
  4. Ali k.

    Ali k. Member

    Hello Taniaainat
    It was nice to hear from you thank you for redponding. I understand what you are saying and how it makes you feel ,we have all done and said things that we wish we could take back and sometimes we never get that chance.
    You cant go back and change that now all you can do is be a better version of yourself now and it starts by you forgiving yourself and saying it out loud get it off your chest even though your dad is not hear say everything you wanted to tell him as if he was still here. Believe me it does help.
    Cause if you dont forgive yourself youll never be able to move on and I dont want that to happen you (cause I was at that point where it nearly destroyed me) than I had a wake up call Im still here and I can change and from this point on be a better person .
    I did alot of soul searching and I forgave myself and my friend you need to do the same. I am here for you whenever you need a friend to chat with, or just listen to you we all need a support system to lean on , cause you are not alone theres always someone going through the same thing.
    I hope you find your inner strength and start to move foward and be happy your Dad would want you to (he wouldnt want you to dwell in the past ). So dont.
    Ali
     
  5. Taniaainat

    Taniaainat New Member

    Thank you for all the insights. I do understand what you mean, I just dont know what I else I need to accomplish and to implement all that you are saying, although I know those are all the right things to do. Its just so hard, I dont even want to be happy. I feel guilty whenever Im in a happy situation, like going out with friends, I want myself to be isolated, because I have no right to be happy. Thats what Im feeling.

    Before, I keep on saving money, I choose very well what to buy and do stuffs to less the expenses to save more money. Now, I dont care about money because Im feeling its purposeless, meaningless to save, because where should I use the money for. I have no anymore will to succeed or attain any goals, I feel like I would just like to wait for my time, even if it took 20 years or more, I will just have to wait for it. Thats what Im feeling.

    That when my time comes, I will then discover whats there after death, in the afterlife, to whether I will see my dad again or no. I will find it out when that time comes. And I will say sorry for all my misdeeds towards him.
     
  6. Ali k.

    Ali k. Member

    Hello Taniaainat
    Havent heard from you since my last reply, hope you are doung well. I just hope I didnt say something to make you sad that was not my intention.
    I thought by responding it would help the both of us by being a support system I know all to well that you cant go through it alone and cant keep your feelings bottled up.
     
  7. Taniaainat

    Taniaainat New Member

    You have just overlooked Ali, but here's my last reply:

    And thank you so much:


    Thank you for all the insights. I do understand what you mean, I just dont know what I else I need to accomplish and to implement all that you are saying, although I know those are all the right things to do. Its just so hard, I dont even want to be happy. I feel guilty whenever Im in a happy situation, like going out with friends, I want myself to be isolated, because I have no right to be happy. Thats what Im feeling.

    Before, I keep on saving money, I choose very well what to buy and do stuffs to less the expenses to save more money. Now, I dont care about money because Im feeling its purposeless, meaningless to save, because where should I use the money for. I have no anymore will to succeed or attain any goals, I feel like I would just like to wait for my time, even if it took 20 years or more, I will just have to wait for it. Thats what Im feeling.

    That when my time comes, I will then discover whats there after death, in the afterlife, to whether I will see my dad again or no. I will find it out when that time comes. And I will say sorry for all my misdeeds towards him.