Grieving my daughters loss. Social isolation and depression

It has been a little over 2 months since our daughter decided to end her life. I am still devastated and even though I'm getting professional help to cope with it, the sadness and images come every night. Waking up also brings a knot of reality in the pit of your stomach and you wish it was not real. And to control the mind from going into the areas of regret, self blame of things you could have done, the "should've, would'ves, and could'ves" just destroys me each day. I am not sure how to regain any focus. I feel like I go thru the motions each day but it's like I'm not really there. Vertigo, are my feet actually touching the floor? Like youre a shell of yourself. She had so much to live for. She was truly an old soul trapped in a young girls body. My girl was a straight A top honor student, who aced an associates degree in law with a 100%. A very artistic, gifted child. Very mature for her age of 20. She was my one true blessing and my main focus every day, along with being my only child.
I too have trouble even going anywhere in town. Everything brings a memory. Anyone just simply see something in a shopping store and start to break down into tears? This happens constantly for me. Memories, things I see I know she would like. This is my new normal and I don't know how to deal with it. I have taken to therapy and have been trying to tap into any support group I can locally. My family has been very supportive and friends too but there are times you feel as though you are tapping out their energy. It helps when talking to people but my fears are that they will become overextended in how much they can give. The pain is an energy transfer. It affects everyone, like ripples in a pond when a stone is thrown in. I am very open to suggestions from anyone on something that will help. The grief comes in waves and when it's raining down on you it's hard to know what to do next. My daughter meant everything to me and I feel like all focus I have is gone. How do others deal when the waves hit? I need to know of something that will help.

She was suffering from severe social anxiety and depression brought on simply by 4 years of isolation doing remote schooling. Due to her sensitivities she could not have certain medicines or vaccines, she was alot like me in this respect. She was not allowed to attend the final two years of high school or even the college due to mandates. She started to recede into a shell and didn't want to go anywheres even when she could. I am just beside myself with grief. I miss her so much it honestly hurts my heart.

 

Hi, I surely understand your grief; I also lost a grown child to suicide 14 months ago. I needed help so I searched the Internet on suicide and ran into some pretty solid information which helped a lot. I am also going through the feelings you are, disbelief, guilt, anger and many more emotions. Shawn was my heart and forever is.

 

I am so sorry about your daughter! I lost my son to suicide a year and 6 days ago, and I cannot cope with living!
Never could I have imagined losing him.
I have begun to clear his room and it is absolutely killing me.
God is my strength. I go to work everyday and interact with people and even laugh with them, but inside, I want to scream because I miss my son so desperately!
And the guilt of not having been there for him and not talking to him more, not listening to him more, not hugging him more tortures me constantly.
He was so alone. And I feel his pain now... TOO LATE!!!

 

I am so very sorry to learn of your loss and the terrible pain you are going through. I felt like I couldn't go on even one day, but for the grace of God I couldn't have ever been able to continue. But I learned that Jesus is our strength when we are weak, our Comforter, our healer. My focus now is trying to help others who have suffered thies terrible tragedy. Just take one day or hour or minute at a time-whatever you are able to deal with. Do the little ordinary things like taking care of yourself. Even every little task seems overwhelming, so just do what you are capable of and let God lead you through your hour of darkness and back into His marvelous light.