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Grief years after loss

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by KateT, May 6, 2020.

  1. KateT

    KateT New Member

    It has been 25 years since my boyfriend died suddenly in a car crash, back when I was 23 yrs old. It was such an awful time and I didn't really cope that well. Since then life gradually moved on and I am now married with children. But I still go into these dark grieving times (bit like a rollarcoaster) and I get quite sad, mainly because I still miss him and cannot believe it happened. Mostly they last for a few months at a time. Does this happen to anyone else?
     
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Kate,

    Of course we all think back on so many things in life. My dad died 1990, it has been 30 years since his passing but I can't help but remember him on some days, as I see another veteran, he was a WW2 naval veteran, on special holidays sometimes they are the worse.

    He gave his watch he used for 30 years, I keep it in a box, but there are some moments I come across that box and open it. I see the pictures of him and mom and so many other times we shared, like pictures of the Pemaquid Lighthouse in Maine where we spent our 4th of July days.

    Kate, to me, time is not relative to loss. Those who came before us will always be with us forever. I will never consider them bad moments, I will just look at another time I have remembered. As the sands of time start to wash our memories I have found, those memories, those people will always be with us.

    Those times you remember, sure they might be intense, bring tears, but wouldn't you rather recall them than not. I will always be thankful for still being able to think back.

    One such memory is strong with me. It is of my grandmother. I would spend two weeks a summer with them at the oceanside. She passed 1982. I sometimes have such strong emotions for her, for him. Before she passed she developed dementia. I can remember standing in front of her as a teenager, and her looking at me and asking who I was. Of course she was the same for grandfather. It broke my heart. From those moments on, all I could do was remember the best of times with her.

    So Kate, I say, there is nothing wrong with your remembering, no matter how long. If it were not for pictures, videos, and our memories life would be so superficial.

    Take care and never stop remembering, no matter what.

    -david

    Here is a song for you

     
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