grief of spouse

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by millers43, Sep 10, 2020.

  1. millers43

    millers43 New Member

    it's almost a year since my husband pasted away, being alone is just so hard... I can't find any free groups to go to for help. I want to get out and find friends who are dealing with the same grief. I just can't stand sitting in the house by myself.
     
  2. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Sorry for your loss. I definitely understanding wanting make some friends. I hope you find what you looking for. I dont think people understand the loneliness grief leaves on you. If I didnt have the kids to keep me busy I dont no what I'd do. It seems that noone reaches out anymore. I lost what had become my friend that was always there.
     
  3. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I do not have a spouse but my sister, whom I lived with and was my best friend, passed away a year ago. I know how hard it is to be alone and sitting in the house by yourself - the pandemic also makes matters worse since it is hard to get out more and meet new friends. I try to keep myself busy and, for me, it helps to keep the tv on so I hear sounds - silence is very hard to take when you are alone. This forum does help just knowing that others are experiencing the same grief and you are not alone. Wishing you the best.
     
  4. MDGinVA

    MDGinVA Member

    I understand what you mean. I’ve had friends tell me to find a group grief meeting and I looked but because of this Covid mess there seem to be none. I had given up and then found this site. So far it seems good, I can see others going through same things.
     
  5. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    I belong to one called GriefShare. It is a church based, non-denominational support group. It has been helpful so far. Small group due to COVID but we are meeting in person weekly, some of the groups meet virtually. GriefShare.com
     
  6. MDGinVA

    MDGinVA Member

    I would definitely want church based
     
  7. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Sorry it’s GriefShare.org
    You can search for groups near you
     
  8. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    I'm10 1/2 months passed the death of my wife. She died suddenly from a brain aneurysm. We were together almost 25 years. She was the love of my life. I understand the loneliness. I can only say what I've done and not give advice because we all go thru this in our own way. Going back to work was the best thing for me. Got me out of the house and kept my mind occupied. Also, I live in town so I go on walks, stop and talk with people, and remember their names. After everyone went back to their lives and didn't want to talk about my grief ( about 2 weeks ) I found a therapist. That lasted until Covid19 came to town. While I had it, it was nice and good for me as I still needed to talk. I still live one day at a time and can't do any more than that. I'm sure I suffer from PTSD and can't function at %100 after the shock of losing her so quickly. I have trouble focusing and remembering things. Pray. The power of prayer has definitely helped me make my life easier and happier. I found a woman who I spend a lot of time with. It helped the loneliness %100! I make her happy and that makes me feel good. I come here often to read and write things. I hope it helps you to read about how I'm doing. This sucks but we have to live on so don't let depression in. I'm wishing you peace and happiness.
     
  9. MDGinVA

    MDGinVA Member

    I believe in prayer, I don’t understand why all this happened, but I accept it. Yesterday on the way home from work, I yelled at God why don’t you let a tree or something fall on me and let me die. I know that’s not the right thing but I get so
    frustrated. I miss her and want to be with her in heaven, and don’t want to wait years and years to go, but I will wait and know that I shall see her again and that will be a wonderful day.
     
  10. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    I also believe in prayer and have faith that God will get me through. I am having difficulty connecting through prayer right now and that makes me uncomfortable. Such a range of emotions. What could Gods plan be for me after taking my dad and Michael in just a few months time? How will I ever get through it all and understand the why? I keep trying - reading devotions daily, talking to God, trying to pray. I have seen him at work in my life before and don’t know why I am experiencing all of this loss, but still trying to trust. Hopefully peace will come.
     
  11. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    I've also been so mad and yelled out loud at God. I'm sure she understands that. I've asked why didn't Peg get a warning? Most people get a warning of blood pressure problems, brain aneurysm, heart attack, stroke, etc. Then they do what Dr's say and they live on. Peggy didn't get a warning. She was hopelessly on life support within a few hours of her saying to me, I have a terrible headache. I'm still in shock, numb, and can't make simple decisions from time to time even 10 months later. On the other hand I pray every day. I've met a woman which made loneliness easier and my daughter announced she's pregnant with her first child. Both these things I attribute to my sweet lord and I thank her daily. In my world, the universe is supplying me with things to help me be happy in my new life. I accept anything I can get as grieving and mourning has been the absolute worst time of my life! Peace.
     
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  12. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Active Member

    I ask God daily to help me understand all the whys. Why him and not me? Why now? Why? Why? I've lost my firstborn son, my father, my mother and now my husband. Why? Then some little voice says "Why not you, Karen?" Others have suffered losses, sometimes their loss is even greater. Just this weekend a young mother and her 3 children perished unexpectedly in a freak accident. The father of her one remaining child needs help to pay for the funeral. I cannot imagine the pain that little girl is experiencing. Don't get me wrong, everyone's loss and grief is different and difficult and in no way am I minimizing anyone's experience. One day we'll all understand the "why". Until then we'll go through every emotion that goes along with losing those we love.

    Peace and comfort to you.
     
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  13. MDGinVA

    MDGinVA Member

    That is so true, thank you for reminding me of that. I don’t wish suffering on anyone, My heart goes to that father and remaining child, and to you as well. I believe that my wife is in Heaven now, where there is no pain, sorrow, suffering, but joy and happiness. She has been reunited with family members going back generations whom she never met. I imagine my family members she never met have introduced themselves and thanked her for improving my life. And above all she’s met Jesus! Think of the stories she’s heard and what she is experiencing. But here, I miss her, but I do know I will see her again, but time now passes so slowly and it seems like it will be forever until I see her again. I thank God for the time we had together, and that I did have someone I truly loved and whom truly loved me, which is something not everyone has had.
     
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  14. MDGinVA

    MDGinVA Member

    I think it’s like Karen said, one day we will know the whys. I don’t know what God’s plans are for any of us, just know that We all are going to die sooner or later, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I know that’s not much comfort right now, we are experiencing the worst times in our lives. I wanted to grow old with Debi, but I was given ten years with her ( dated one year, married for nine). We hurt because we had love, I don’t like that Debi is gone but I am so thankful that I had her. I think that when I am reunited with her and we spend eternity together that this separation won’t seem long at all. I hope this makes sense, I don’t always know how to express my thoughts.
     
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  15. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Active Member

    It sounds like you had the Joy's of experiencing the kind of love most only dream of. It is when we have great joy, the sorrow seems so much deeper. My husband and I had nearly 40 years together. I wasn't as invested as I should have been for more years of our marriage. 14 years ago I lost my eldest son and lost my mind along with that trauma. I filed for divorce because I needed to escape the pain and saw my husband as part of my pain. He wouldn't give up on us. He encouraged me to come home and try it again. Hesitantly, I came home and worked on being more involved and present in the marriage. I found that I had an incredible man who loved God and loved me. A man who was hard working and willing to do whatever it took to support his family. I thank God for waking me up and allowing me to have time with this incredible man. Like you, I pray I will live my life in such a way that the good Lord allows us to be together in heaven. Be blessed my friend.
     
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  16. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Active Member

    You
    You make perfect sense, my friend. I fully agree with your statement about hurting because we had love. I believe that 100%.
    Peace and blessings to you my friend.
     
  17. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Amazing story. God walked you through your pain and what you needed to do to go back to your love. I have often felt like Michael and I were put on this earth and brought together to heal each other and keep healing together. We got there and so did you. I have watched god work in my life and although it is hard to believe right now, I am certain he is working in my life now. God bless you.
     
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  18. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Active Member

    Walter was/is my rock. Oh, yes, God is my rock and salvation on whom all my hopes rest, but Walter was/is my inspiration to go on. He saved me from my self and my self destructive behavior. It took years and years and more love than I deserved for me to see what I was doing and to change. I thank God for him and all the things he did for me and my children. Like your Michael, he healed me. I was scarred badly from my first marriage. I had 2 small children and he took us into his heart and gave us a home. It wasn't perfect but it was ours. I will always love him and thank him for that. There was some brokenness in him that my love was never quite able to fix but he gave me all he could in spite of it. I can't be mad at God for taking him because I believe God saw something I couldn't and needed to take him home to fix it. Sometimes healing doesn't come as we want it. Sometimes healing comes through freedom from earthly bounds. A terribly hard reality. When my son Michael died, all I could feel was my own pain. I had no idea of the pain he was in emotionally. My daughter shared some things I had no idea about. Michael wanted to die. He was so unhappy with how his life had turned out. It seemed he was finally getting it right when he died. It took a little time to realize God saw his suffering and said "enough, my son" and called him home. Once I came to grips with the fact that he was finally healed and at peace, my pain began to ease. Oh, I am forever changed, broken but slowly being put back together by my heavenly Father. It just takes time to get the pieces in place and I must be patient.

    Thank you for letting me open up myself in this post. Be blessed, my friend.