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Grief is Personal, Is there any one thing that helped you move on?

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by cjpines, Dec 29, 2020.

  1. cjpines

    cjpines Active Member

    I'm on week 8 when my hubby passed away. I've been doing a journal, here on the forum and reading books. I know it's too soon to expect my grief to move on and I don't know if anything I'm doing is helping at this point.

    So, to all of you that have moved from the stages of your grief is there any one thing or a combination of things that really helped to push through it?

    Not only is my grief for my husband I lost my son Sept 2019 just a year and half the loss of my husband. I think I'm carrying double grief.

    I guess I just need to hear from you how your grief process went or is going.
     
  2. cssmyers

    cssmyers New Member

    I lost my daughter 11/3/2020 and it’s very hard. I find when I’m working is the best place for me. I have great coworkers!
     
  3. cjpines

    cjpines Active Member

    Yes, I think keeping very busy is a help. So sorry for losing your daughter.
     
  4. cssmyers

    cssmyers New Member

    Thank you. I can’t imagine losing my husband. That must be incredibly hard.
     
  5. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    I lost my wife suddenly to a brain anyurism almost 14 months ago. We were together almost 25 years and I went into shock for a week. I don't remember much about the first few months. I went back to work after the first 2 weeks and that was the best thing I did for myself. It kept my mind occupied and got me out of the house. My kids are grown and I live alone. After about 6 months I knew I couldn't live the rest of my life sad and alone. I started to go for long walks, talked to people, remembered their names, and made new friends. One day I met a woman and I've been seeing her ever since. That really helped with loneliness which I struggled with badly. The sadness still comes in waves but I'm very lucky to find her. I've been where you are and understand the way you feel. I've read lots of books and still keep a journal. Grieving is so hard! Take care of your health and just let the time pass as best you can. I promise you things will get easier with time. The first year is the hardest they say and I believe it.
     
  6. cjpines

    cjpines Active Member

    Thank you Barrv. I really need to hear some positive testimonies on getting through this. I appreciate your answer and wish you the best.
     
  7. Harrykari

    Harrykari Member

     
  8. Harrykari

    Harrykari Member

    Everyones experience of grief is different but I think remembering all the special things just you & your other half shared together; things that made you smile, that made you laugh. This will bring on tears & sadness but also brief happy thoughts. Initially I kept these things to myself but occasionally I shared with a trusted other. When I lost my partner 12 mths back, it was devastating. I was in shock & on autopilot for long time. But running through my head within the first few weeks was "I am so glad we found each other" which refers to how accidently people come across that special person. When I was a mess emotionally, I would use this thought to bring me back to the hear & now which is important to process everything you have to deal with. This key thought will always stay with me.
     
  9. cjpines

    cjpines Active Member

    Thank you Harrvkari, I will try to remember that phrase.
     
  10. tgotyall

    tgotyall Member

    There are so many factors that play into this grief process it's the price we pay for love.It will be a year since I lost my precious wife of 36 years Feb 2nd.She was 59 and that in itself is a major factor for myself.For I know this is a slow process for we did everything ,everything together ,we did not get to spend our retirement years together ,dream shattered, so I do agree time is a factor and whether you have family and friends to help.I am not passing judgement but to start another relationship to soon for me not the way to go ,you want to be sure you are ready for that and to each of us will be a choice when and if you think the time is right I just don't know.I was in love with my wife not just loved her.I could be wrong but for me I believe I would have been better had she lived to be 79, she would have had a the joy of watching our 6 grandkids and so much more.It just so unfair.I have continued to do all the things we talked about doing, I kept the normal holiday traditions and that helped and do all or try to keep up with the things she loved to do.This quote '' If your misery prevents you from being able to share all of the joy that person brought to your life,that legacy of love becomes lost ,not only to others but to you as well'' Be strong and courageous for none of us wanted to be here.
     
  11. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry for the of your husband and son! Your loss is very resent, I know I have barely any memory of how I got though the first few months, I lost my husband very suddenly, of a massive heart attack, he was never sick, there was no warning. I went into shock and I’m not sure how long but I don’t remember things from that time period. I just past 2 years and I am in a better place but things remind me me how alone I am and that’s hard. The first year is so hard the second year has its own issues, not as difficult as the first year, staying busy is what helps me the most. In the second year I felt like ok, it’s long enough, I need you to come home. Right now I’m dealing with a collapsed septic tank. This is so out of my realm, I’m missing him more then ever. Things like that are hard. But I also can now smile from memories, can listen to his favorite songs have his favorite dishes. It does get somewhat easier, but I’d say not easy. Learning how to do things that we did together. Knowing how proud he’d be of me, keeps me going. Talk about your husband to anyone who will listen. The memories are bitter seeet at times but thankful to have had such a wonderful 44 years together we did everything together, we owned a business together, worked together every day. Together 24/7. Nothing is the same, I miss him terribly, but so glad we found each when I was 16 and he was 19. Together ever since.
    Staying busy, keeping my mind active and getting fresh air are what helps me the most. And talking about my husband with others and hearing their memories. Hearing how they loved his infectious laugh, how he told stories or knowing what a wonderful dad, husband and respected business man he was, means the world to me.
    Hope something I’ve said is of some help, but know that everything your feeling is normal and everyone on here understands.
    We’ve been with our spouses for years, there’s not a switch that turns when they pass, sometimes our family and friends don’t understand how devastating that feels. But everyone here gets it. And that’s a comforting thing.