Grief as Result of Trauma

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by Dorothy Lantis, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. Dorothy Lantis

    Dorothy Lantis New Member

    My situation is somewhat different in that what I'm grieving did not die. He is still very much alive and living in "my" home. I lost my career, home of 33 years, friends, and 20 year relationship and at the age of 66 no less, and suddenly. One day I came home to a locked house. When I asked for assistance I learned I was trespassing as the home is now in my partners (husbands) name. Over the next 6 months I was litteralky homeless. I simply could not wrap my brain around what had happened to me. I have since, reinvented myself well thanks to loving daughters. I cry every day still, a year later, but for the loss of life as I knew it. I do not want he, the property back or revenge. I do want my heart back. My therapist says I'm in grief. Fortunantly my health has held out and despite it all I am happily employed. My friend suddenly lost his wife at the same time as this happened to me. I notice he is much further along in his grieving than I, but then, he points out "my wife's death was not done to me...what happened to you was". Can anyone suggest how to move on? Stop the grieving? I feel like I've been thru the 7 steps over and over again. The grief comes in waves. Will it ever end?
     
  2. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    I can only offer my experiences. Be busy, force yourself to do something meaningful. Find joy in what interested you, being working or volunteering. I am stil working part time at 75 and I look forward to keeping it up as long as possible. It gives me parameters, forces me to get up and be prepared, forces me to interact with all ages and makes me feel productive. I hate feeling non-productive. Of course I am still grieving the loss of my husband; I probably always will be in grief of some type. Your comments reminded me of the grief and pain I felt when I got divoced from my first husband. He was a generally mean person and I felt like I had failed, until I realized it was not my doing. You are on the right path, working and being with family. It will get better.
     
  3. Dorothy Lantis

    Dorothy Lantis New Member

    Thank you for your kind response. You give me hope that I too can work through 75. I hold down 2 part time jobs just to keep my mind off my grief. The Buddha teaches all hardships are as a result of our attachments. He instructs "let go of your attachments". Well, I didn't let go, all was taken from me (he immediately remarried so his new wife could legally claim my belongings and property). What I have had to do is accept that fact. It has/does take every ounce of my spirit to forgive, and some days I don't forgive, and then I try the next day to do so. I lived through it; don't know what for?? The greatest loss of all to me is trust in the universe. Trust in the golden rule. Trust in karma. Trust in people. Trust I am not alone. I am not a Christian but live more Christian than most Christians I know. I "did", however believe in a higher power to which I turned in troubled times. Not so anymore. I don't believe in that anymore; or if there is such a higher power, to have let this thing happen, I don't want to be associated with it. Not bitter; disappointed and leary!