Gone 2 soon 4 mommy! Nights are the worst..trying to survive the emotional rollercoaster of grief!

My sweet baby Eliza, I miss u so much! I think of u everyday & still can't believe that ur life on earth was only for 7 short days. I am so. Blessed that God chose me to be ur mommy & I'm extremely grateful for the week I did have with u, my perfect, beautiful baby girl. I still wish we would have had more time together; one more week, another day, just a few more minutes, just one more moment together before u had to go be with Jesus in Heaven, ur forever home! Although, I know no amount of extra time together would make losing u any easier for me nor do I think I would ever be prepared to let u go! I would give anything to hold u, kiss u, nurse u, rock u, change u, cuddle u, touch ur head full of hair or ur sweet face, and just look at u; our perfect little girl for just a little longer! I know Daddy, ur brothers & ur sisters all miss u & wish they could have had more time with u here on earth too! We all absolutely adored u & were so excited that u were the newest addition to our large family! And, of course, we ALL love u with all of our hearts & losing u was the worst day of all of our lives!

The overwhelming grief & range of emotions I have experienced, after losing my sweet baby girl, are always present with me everyday & can sometimes be emotionally draining & awful to deal with; however, I find it seems to be exceptionally debilitating & extra suck at night! Somedays I find myself counting the hours and minutes til the sunsets & i am surrounded by the deafening quietness that comes with the darkness yet again...and, all i can do is think & think about her & replay the awful day over & over in my head! I know somehow my husband & I will get through this
We have to because we still have 5 kids at home & 5 kids that are grown & gone. All I know is this is the most traumatic, hardest, abnormal, awful & most challenging experience that we have ever encountered in our lives & we have no clue how to"do" this new life. Some days I cant manage to get out of my bed, shower, cook, go anywhere, or honestly do anything other than be frozen & stuck in my head full of confusion, sadness, sorrow, & questions. I hope & pray that someday, somehow this gets a little easier for us. And, although I may never get to a point that I will understand nor accept "why" my baby was taken so soon, I sincerely hope we (as a family) are able grieve, talk, heal, move forward, & find happiness along our new journey & locate our inner peace again.