Gone 2 soon 4 mommy! Nights are the worst..trying to survive the emotional rollercoaster of grief!Sq

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by Momof8-1, Jun 18, 2020.

  1. Momof8-1

    Momof8-1 Member

    My sweet baby Eliza, I miss u so much! I think of u everyday & still can't believe that ur life on earth was only for 7 short days. I am so. Blessed that God chose me to be ur mommy & I'm extremely grateful for the week I did have with u, my perfect, beautiful baby girl. I still wish we would have had more time together; one more week, another day, just a few more minutes, just one more moment together before u had to go be with Jesus in Heaven, ur forever home! Although, I know no amount of extra time together would make losing u any easier for me nor do I think I would ever be prepared to let u go! I would give anything to hold u, kiss u, nurse u, rock u, change u, cuddle u, touch ur head full of hair or ur sweet face, and just look at u; our perfect little girl for just a little longer! I know Daddy, ur brothers & ur sisters all miss u & wish they could have had more time with u here on earth too! We all absolutely adored u & were so excited that u were the newest addition to our large family! And, of course, we ALL love u with all of our hearts & losing u was the worst day of all of our lives!

    The overwhelming grief & range of emotions I have experienced, after losing my sweet baby girl, are always present with me everyday & can sometimes be emotionally draining & awful to deal with; however, I find it seems to be exceptionally debilitating & extra suck at night! Somedays I find myself counting the hours and minutes til the sunsets & i am surrounded by the deafening quietness that comes with the darkness yet again...and, all i can do is think & think about her & replay the awful day over & over in my head! I know somehow my husband & I will get through this
    We have to because we still have 5 kids at home & 5 kids that are grown & gone. All I know is this is the most traumatic, hardest, abnormal, awful & most challenging experience that we have ever encountered in our lives & we have no clue how to"do" this new life. Some days I cant manage to get out of my bed, shower, cook, go anywhere, or honestly do anything other than be frozen & stuck in my head full of confusion, sadness, sorrow, & questions. I hope & pray that someday, somehow this gets a little easier for us. And, although I may never get to a point that I will understand nor accept "why" my baby was taken so soon, I sincerely hope we (as a family) are able grieve, talk, heal, move forward, & find happiness along our new journey & locate our inner peace again.
     
  2. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I often say the deafening silence. I lost my husband, mom and beloved boxer dog within 2 1/2 mos amid the covid outbreak.....the nights are worse than the days. And the days suck. It is very hard, but at least you have a family that is pulling together and can understand each other and support each other. Doesn't make it easier, I know, to accept this tragedy but I have no one but 4 dogs to console me. I feel that I will never be "normal" again, whatever that may be and this isolation of the covid is making it worse. I truly hope you can bond together as a family and help each other heal. I'm so very sorry you are going through this. Just keep praying on it and know that God truly is with your baby girl and she is ok with Him....