Hi - I just recently found this site. Hate that I have such a horrific connection with the loss of both parents, but glad there is a community of support. I lost my Dad in 2009 to lung cancer. With his loss, I became many more things to my Mom than just a daughter - I became her best friend, confidant, counselor and partner. She grieved so deeply for my father. They were very close, plus she had the extra struggle of "doing life on her own" for the first time ever. I was there for her, but struggled because I knew (and so did she) that she would never be 'happy' in that way again. My Mom started having some random strange symptoms over late spring/summer of 2020 and was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in late August and given 3 months to live. She died 7 weeks after her diagnosis. Much of that 7 weeks was entangled with appointments and managing symptoms. We never truly got those under control. While we heard the words 'terminal' and had a timeline, I don't think either of us had time to fully accept it. I spent a ton of time with her, and we both got to say everything we wanted to. She died Oct. 10. I have been busy cleaning/selling her house and settling her affairs. I really thought I'd be farther along with my grieving by now and I'm just not. I can't seem to get past wondering where she is and the deep sense of loss that she's gone. I don't feel like we had unfinished business and I did all I could for her. But I still feel waves of regret. Those feelings really confuse me - without being able to properly identify the source of the regret, I feel like I can't get past it. I felt deeply sad after my Dad - we were very close. But this is very different. I don't know if this is deeper because it's the loss of both parents now, if the relationship with my Mom was just different or if somehow my care for her in the wake of his death distracted my grieving. I still can't sleep well and just have waves hit me of memory, hurt and regret. I start crying when I think of her. Even when I do mundane things like cancel her credit cards and the customer service person says a generic 'sorry for your loss,' I just get choked up and cry. I miss her so much - I just can't imagine that someone who was such a deep part of my life for almost 50 years is just gone in an instant. I've been a spiritual person, but that has not provided comfort during this; in fact, I think I've questioned my faith deeply through this. I don't know how to manage this grief to move forward. Hope to learn from all of your experiences. Thank you.