Thursday June 6th was the worst day of my life, my fiancé went to a Nationals game and never made it home. Our wedding was going to be in October and she was going to be heading out for her bachelorette party in less than a week from that thursday. When she didn't get home by the time she said she should be back I was a little worried but thought maybe her phone died or something. An hour more passed and I really started to worry so I went out to find her, I checked the train station she drove to just to see if her car was there, texted everyone I could. When I had no idea what to do next I felt like I had to report her missing to the police. A few hours later I got in contact with someone who was at the game with her and I was in such panic mode the whole time I didn't even think to try the find my iphone thing. Which led me to the police barracks where they eventually told me that she was in a single car accident and I will never forget the words she used, "Shannon was in an accident and she succumbed to her injuries". When I heard it I felt like instantly that so much of me just washed away and this is what remains. I still hear those words playing in my head over and over as if that officer is still sitting right next to me like she was that night. Going back to work has been horrible, just sitting at my desk all day in the quiet makes everything come back. I just miss her so much.
JMayer1033, I'm so very sorry to hear about the sudden, tragic loss of your beloved Shannon. Many of us here at Grief in Common have lost our spouses/SOs and know what that deep soul-wrenching loss feels like. We've lost more than half of our self, overnight. I know how hard it is when so many plans and dreams are lost in an instant. Keep coming back here, read what others have shared here, hopefully you'll take some comfort. This grief journey will take everything you have, so do what you can to take care of yourself. Mostly, take small steps one day at a time. I pray that you find peace of mind and heart. God bless you. ~ Michael
J, I’m so sorry you lost your love. That is so tragic and devastating. I wish I could say that I couldn’t imagine how that feels. I’m so sorry you did not have the chance to spend time as man and wife building a family and a home together. I know you all had wonderful and exciting plans for your future. I can not imagine how having that ripped from your life was like. Put into perspective it makes my loss different. Thank you for sharing this for me to see. I at least had the chance to raise a child with her. We each had a daughter from a previous marriage. They gave us 4 wonderful grandchildren. We are young grandparents BTW. Our son had also left the house by the time this happened. He immediately, that very day, moved back in with me to support me. I lost myself to the thought that I was the only one suffering so much. Eventually I realized that others were hurting pretty bad also. I had cut everyone out and was grieving alone. I was isolating. It was a dangerous place to be and I do not recommend it. Although talking about it was sure to make me cry, which was a thing I was raised to believe a man should not do, it helped to know that others had loved her and had wonderful memories to share. She loved me very much and always bragged to her friends about how good I was to her. What a great provider, best friend, listener, cook, lover, handy around the house…etc… she rarely said negative things about me to anyone. This unfortunately led to a few of her friends thinking they could step into her place. We completely owned our home, our cars and were financially stable. I’m old enough to know how the whole rebound process works and have seen friends rush into relationships due to loneliness. Please beware and be careful. 99.9% of people truly care and want to be there to support you. But, I recommend to not make any decisions without giving them much thought. In March after a long day of working on completing an addition to my house, a laundry room, I had only 1 wall left to place the inner wall to finish her laundry room. She no longer had to go downstairs to the basement to do laundry. I decided to call it a night at 10 pm. My wife was taking a long bath as she did sometimes late in the evening. I went and told her I was going to bed, kissed her and told her I loved her. I was pretty wore out and slept a long time. When I awoke and saw the time I wondered why she had let me sleep so late. I got up and went into the kitchen to find my wife cold and lifeless. She was standing at the sink with the upper half of her body layed over into the sink. She was still gripping the edges. As I grabbed her and layed her down I realized she had been there for a long time. Too long for me to be able to do anything to save her. The hours that followed the 911 call were surreal to say the least. Although overwhelmed with grief and loss I had people I needed to notify. One of our adult daughters was able to take that burden from me for the most part. The following weeks and days brought to mind the people I had forgotten to call. Making me have to make another notification call. The last thing I wanted was for anyone to find out on social media or through a text. I spent a few months waking up from bad dreams and immediately remembering what happened and where I was. Walking into the kitchen where I found her. I have since put my house up for sell and have moved in with family until it sells. I spent 3 months trying to get the nerve to go through her things and decide how to proceed. Who do I give her clothes to? Her Knick knacks. Anything personal that belonged to her. It quickly devolved into folks wanting to come and go through her things to pick and choose. I had to refuse all of them as I had not had the nerve to do that myself. Every item had a memory attached to it. 2 weeks ago I was able to muster up enough strength to make the trip back to the house and pack my wife’s entire life into Totes. I placed her pillows into odorless bags hoping I could occasionally open them and smell her. I have yet to do that for fear I will lose her smell. By the time I had packed all her belongings, I had learned who was deserving of her clothes, which she loved. Her personal items she loved and everything else. It’s been 4 months, 3 weeks and 3 days since she left. I am just taking it one day at a time. It still hurts so bad. I am however getting better at being able to talk about her. To watch videos and look at pictures of her. I have been writing down the things that come to mind when I think of her or want to talk to her. It has been very therapeutic for me so far. She loved Jelly Roll. Although I have not reached a point where I can listen to his music yet, I did write a song for her. I can’t write music but I can hear the tune in my head when I wrote it, when I read it. It’s now my song to her that no one will ever hear. I hope and pray that you learn to live with this loss and can eventually move forward. I’m positive your fiancé would have wanted that. It will take time and a lot of loneliness. Just chill, breathe and process. I’m no expert, I’m trying to do the same. Good luck and please reach out if you would like to talk.
