Feeling lonely in a housefull of kids and grandbabys

I been looking through old pictures and recent pics too and even though I like. To look and talk about what was going on and when it was taken..
The pics..
I very often run across pics of windy from our younger days..
I was and am so in love with windy and it really makes me miss her so so bad..
And I start to feel
So guilty about being allowed to stay behind.... I made so many miatakes and ive got so many regrets that i think it stoos me remembering a lit of the giod times we had..
Her birthday ia 14 of August and thats going. To be so hard for me to get through..
Would have been 53..
I know its only been 3 weeks since she passed
.
I dont know if i have it in me ..
To have a happy though anymore..
God bless all that have lost a loved one..
May you find peace..