Feeling like everybody forgot about me?

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by zane, Feb 17, 2019.

  1. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thinking of you today, it’s 16 months for you if I recall correctly. The anniversary ersary dates are so difficult. I recall for a long time hating Saturday’s because he passed on a Saturday. I still dread weekends but it’s because we always made plans on weekends and now I’m alone. No plans ever.
    I’m hating this virus quarantine but I’m staying home. I actually had a few people call me to check on me. I guess mainly because of this pandemic, but they called. I’m finding it more stressful then I normally would because I just need Ron. He’s my rock, comfort, love and he’s not here.
    Hope you’re getting through today as best as possible.
    Take care, Robin
  2. Jazzy112718

    Jazzy112718 Active Member

    Seeing the beach must have been so uplifting to your spirits. But if you're like me - those "happy" times only last until I'm alone & POW!

    I'm so sad about this horrible virus spread. I'm a nurse & for past 10 years - Peter & I lived in a "bubble". He had the immune system of a fetus. So people - welcome to my world - it's hideous. We were shut-ins with each other - so it was ok. But now - I'm learning to live alone, be alone, think alone.

    The w/e was long - watching the spread & all the politics on the news. Today I'm back on duty with the girls. They wanted to watch Transylvania 3....OK .......but Dracula's wife is "dead", he's started dating & subsequently remarried. OMG.......I had to leave room to dry my tears. When will this pain stop? He's been dead 16 months - when???

    It nice having this communication & I hope you are doing well. KOKO (keep on keeping on)
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Yup, the beach was great but just like you said, that good feeling doesn’t last long. Gone in an instant. Short reprieve.

    I’m feeling worse in so many ways with this virus. Feel lonelier, house feels quieter and bigger. The loneliness already felt overwhelming and now it’s worse. As much as I hate this virus I feel people see a little bit what our lonely life feels like. I get what you’re saying about welcome to your world. I’m missing Ron so much, I need his strength and support and calmness so bad.

    I try to not watch too much news, it’s gets to me. Seeing the numbers climbing so rapidly. I’m really being extra cautious cause of my RA, my daughter comes over couple times during the week. She’s been working from home and hasn’t been around people so at least we have each other. We re supposed to be in Florida with my son for Easter. I was hoping to have a holiday with family instead of just Stacey and myself.
    I’m starting to think the pain continues on for forever. Before my sister started treating me terrible, she’s a counselor, she felt there was a good possibility it could take 5 years before I start to feel human again. UGH!

    I agree this is nice!
    I’m trying to keep going, so darn hard though. Made it through another day! Getting some rest and then think of tomorrow.
    Have a better tomorrow!
  4. Rennie

    Rennie New Member

  5. Jazzy112718

    Jazzy112718 Active Member

    Hello....... how are things? Did you go to Florida for Easter? I followed your lead & went. Beaches were closed but still nice to see the sea. Just me & my dog. She's a great little friend. Probably wasn't supposed to go but 4 hour drive with no stops except at rest area - came in contact with no one. walmart with a mask - how exciting. But I'm lucky b/c I don't have covid-19! I don't know anyone who has died. BUT 30,000 dead in 7 weeks. OMG help us.
    Still keeping the 9 & 7 y.o.s.....3 days a week. We are doing pretty well. We try to stay busy but I'm not a typical g-mother who bakes & cooks. I hate the kitchen - Peter cooked & fed me for 35 years. I was the clean-up girl & as he got sicker - I did help prep. NOW - frozen everything for me. I think of it as his kitchen. Everything in there - is his. It feels like I'm worse than ever. I cry all the time now. I wonder if I'll ever stop crying.
    OK OK OK.....I hope you are doing better than me. I know you miss Ron as much as I miss Peter. Take care - hope to hear from you. Susan
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Hi Susan, so good to hear from you. That’s great you made it to Florida. My daughter and I canceled our trip, we were flying and we didn’t know how well the planes get cleaned, etc. and NY really wanted people to stay put. Really needed that trip and be with my son. He’s in Boynton Beach and he had great weather too. They were in their pool relaxing and enjoying 85° weather. Better safe then sorry, but it made me sad. I’m at risk for this virus because of my RA so I’m being extra careful. Flying during the holiday our tickets were pretty expensive, so I’m hoping if this travel ban ever lifts maybe we’ll get 2 flights to visit my son. Where in Florida did you go?
    I’m feeling much like you’re expressing, so much more emotional, crying more. It’s not like I’d be going out a bunch, but I’d be seeing some people and could go in a store if I need something. Going through the season change makes my joints hurt more, like for something to give ya know?! Thankful for my daughter, she doesn’t stay with me any more but I do see her multiple times a week. My brother and his wife came by for a social distancing visit last week. They stayed in my driveway and I was on the front step. Was nice they thought of me and then a few days later they dropped off face masks for me. They’re so hard to find.
    I’m opposite of you in the kitchen, I love to cook but I rarely cook now. Loved to cook for Ron, now it’s just me. I cook for Stacey and myself once in a while. I love that Steve cooked, but it’s just another thing to miss. Ron always helped me prep, especially the slicing and peeling, my hands aren’t up to that any more. Too stiff and sore. He loved helping.
    I do t know anyone who has passed from this virus either, my daughter knows a few people from where she works that got it but they’re doing ok thankfully.
    I believe we’d both feel better once this passes and things become more normal, Miss Ron so very much. He’s my rock, I channel in what he’d be saying to me and that helps. I know we’d be doing things around the house but I lack motivation, no desire.
    Thank god for our little dogs! Such good friends! I am jealous you get to have your grandchildren, I’m sure they’re work but also keep your mind busy.
    There has to be better days ahead. At least neither of us got the virus. There’s something to be thankful for! Robin
  7. Jazzy112718

    Jazzy112718 Active Member

    Hello Robin......where has time gone since we last chatted. It's still COVID-time. 80,000 dead - OMG! Horrible. Did you watch the Rise UP fundraiser tonight? It was great - lots of money raised. Tina Fey - the MC.

    I hope you are doing well - not sick & still hanging in there. I have figured out that I just don't want to be better. I have no motivation to start feeling better. I miss Peter & I don't want to do anything. I eat frozen meals or boxed Rice-a-Roni. I just don't care. Even being in Florida, sitting in the surf - all I want to do is cry. I don't know quite how to start "wanting" to embrace this new life. It is absolutely nothing I want. I SURE HOPE YOU ARE DOING BETTER THAN I.

    I still have the little girls a bit - but they are going back to daycare at the end of the month. So more time alone - or just go back to Florida ALONE. Peter's not there - he's not going to be there - I'm alone - he's dead. When will I ever get my heart around this fact. I've been on a widow FB page - that helps some. People say all the things I feel. I don't comment but it does help to know that I'm not alone in this battle of widowhood. There is one thread about tatoos honoring your spouse & I think I'm going to get another one in his handwriting. I've been digging through cards looking for what I want. "Drag out the past just to paint it blue" - James Taylor song I think.

    Here's hoping you & your family are doing OK. Please be safe & KOKO!
  8. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Hi there Jazzy,
    Yes it’s been a while. I am staying healthy, thankfully, hope you are as well. My kids and family all staying healthy too. But this is going on so long, the good news here is that the numbers are coming down and slowly things are opening up. I believe this pandemic is setting us all backwards. It’s not healthy to not socialize. Hopefully things turn around soon.
    My brother invited my daughter and I to his house yesterday for a bbq. First time we we’ve seen them since this all started. Felt nice seeing and being with my family. I’ve been so careful and barely going out, but I’ve started going in stores a little more and we’ve been to a few parks and walked their trails. Fresh air is so helpful.
    My dachshund fractured his toe and he’s been in a splint for 5 weeks, pray it comes off tomorrow during his vet visit. Been a lot of work keeping him from jumping and keeping it dry and clean.
    Today is the anniversary of Ron and my first meeting. Would be 46 years today, on the very corner we bought our home on. That’s where we first saw each other. My cousins and I invited him and his cousin to play bumper pool at my cousins house. We all knew his cousin. And June 4th is our wedding anniversary, 43 years. So emotional day today and ahead. We started taking vacations on our anniversaries I’d say the last 10 years maybe. And I saw on his phone that he had been searching for a cruise for us to go on for our 42nd anniversary. Sure wish we got to do that.
    I love your idea of getting a tatto of his handwriting. I saw where you can get jewelry using handwriting. I’ve been looking through cards as well to find the perfect one.
    Hope you and your family are doing well and your still enjoying the company of the girls!