Feeling hopeless.....

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Nettie, Jul 4, 2018.

  1. Nettie

    Nettie New Member

    I am 3 months in for grieving the loss of my husband of 27 years, best friend, confidant, partner in crime and the love of my life. He passed of cancer, which was diagnosed in August of 2016. I watched it take down a very active, strong man. I know that each person has a different way of grieving, and mine was to do some major and physical arranging at my house. I finished the big parts and now finding myself over the last 5 or so days crying a lot. I haven't been as physical and i believe that is causing me to "pick up" where I left off before i started to do these projects. I know it is normal the stages of grieving. What a lot of people don't realize, other then the ones closest to me, is that right before Joe got real sick, he took me to work and picked me up every day. He cooked dinner every night, did all the laundry and took care of the yard and cars,until he couldn't, which was about 3 months prior to him passing. So I not only lost my husband, my whole way of life changed. I've had to get a whole new routine. I am grieving him and trying to get my life on track. I feel like I took some steps backwards in the healing process. UGH!! So many emotions. Sad, mad, hurt, confusion, anger..... It is very hard to smile right now. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    I am sorry about the loss of your husband. I lost my mother suddenly at the beginning of May. It seems like you are right - you were so preoccupied that it took your mind off of things. Once that stopped, you had plenty of time to go through the grief again. I don't have any advice for you. I keep reading that we have to acknowledge the grief in order to get through it. How exactly that works, I don't know...
     
  3. carla jo

    carla jo New Member

    I feel your pain , I lost my husband of 22 years last Oct, 2017 he passed away from cancer after only 7 weeks are so , his body was fill with it stomach , lungs , kidney and brain , I cared for him in our home till he took his last breath , its been 9 months and I feel even madder than I did when cancer stole my life away from me , I find myself having to do things that I would have left for my husband to do , and each time I do I break down and cry , not because I am finding it hard to do them , but because its something he would have done . Up until the day we found out he had cancer we were just going along and making plans about what we wanted to do living our life , now I don't have the strength to plan are dream . All I want is to be left alone , but that's not a hard thing to do , I feel as if I have no one , my kids are doing there on thing and I can't even get them to help me , even though they live next door . the fighting amongst the family seems to drag me into it , I'm so tired of all this , I know that's what the devil wants he wants to steal my joy and pull me down , I'm really trying to keep going ,but the road is all up hill . I pray that you find peace and strength in your life , going through this is hard and most people just don't get it , even though their gone its like they took all the joy out of our life when they left ,
     
  4. Agm52

    Agm52 Member

     
  5. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Active Member

    My husband of 31 years passed 6 months ago of cancer. When I'm busy at work or with the kids I feel almost normal. It is when I am alone that I feel the loss most. I still think, oh I got to remember to ask Jeff this... then I remember there is no more asking. Everyone grieves in their on way, and there are lots of changes, it goes from 'we' to 'me'. I take solace in all the memories we made over the years. Take care of yourself
     
  6. Agm52

    Agm52 Member

     
  7. Agm52

    Agm52 Member

    Exactly what I'm going through...
    There's so much love I still have, but the person is not there to receive it. The pain and anguish is just too much to bear.
     
    Mary0128 likes this.
  8. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    My Robert, who died of cardiac arrest five weeks ago, was the same way. He did most of the cleaning, all of the cooking and most of the pet care. (He was collecting disability for multiple o rthopedic injuries). Now that he's gone, it is all falling on me. I, too, did what you did: rearranged the house then started grieving again.

    Having been through the exact same circumstance 18 years ago when my first partner died, that is the nature of grief. There are no facile answers. Your emotions will lead you through your grief on its own pace. You cannot rush it, because if you try, the grief will just stick around and continue to plague you.

    That is what happened: I met Robert 7 months after John died. As a consequence, my grieving over John's death stuck around for 7 years, way longer than if I had just dealt with it initially. A psychologist made a comment in a session which finally made me realize I needed to let it go and love Robert, something I had done all along.

    Think of your grief as a tall mountain. As you grieve, the mountain shrinks just a little bit. It continues to shrink as you continue to grieve, morphing into a tall hill. Then it becones a slope and finally flatland.