Feeling alone and empty

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by Laura Katherine, Aug 7, 2018.

  1. Laura Katherine

    Laura Katherine New Member

    I am not sure that anyone will actually read this but here it goes...

    I lost my Grandmother to cancer a little over a year ago now.. and I still don't feel any better. She was more than a grandmother to me. Nana was my mother and a best friend. Due to my father abandoning me at age 1 and being an alcoholic and my mother being mental ill and very absent, I lived and was raised by Nana. I truly don't think I would be alive today without her. She was the only person I could cling to and make myself live for when I wanted to die. There is so much more to this story. I guess I don't know where to start. I just feel incredibly alone and don't know what to do. I don't feel like I have anyone else and I know I can still talk to her but it just doesn't feel the same. Can anyone relate?
     
  2. Anissa Saul

    Anissa Saul Member

    Yes I can.I losted my dad almost three months ago.I just dont know how to go on.
     
  3. Laura Katherine

    Laura Katherine New Member

    Thank you so much for sharing that. I'm struggling with the fact that everyone else seems to expect me to have "moved on" by now.
     
  4. Anissa Saul

    Anissa Saul Member

    Yes I do know about that.I've had two hurtful experiences with people thinking that they can tell me how to feel.Im sorry that you have to go through that.
     
  5. Tori

    Tori Member

    I lost my grandmother almost 2 weeks ago. She was my best friend. I spoke with her every night. I catch myself before I dial her number now. It is still fresh and new to me. It sounds as though your Nana was your rock. My Momee was the same to me. I find that now I feel friendless. She was my confidant and my guide. I believe that our best girls want us to be whole again...its just getting there. I am trying to process through as should you. Keep going. They would want us to. My Momee is in my heart. I feel the love she gave me radiating there. I hope you feel yours too.
     
  6. Anissa Saul

    Anissa Saul Member

    Sorry for your lost Tori.I know how you feel.My dad was my best friend.I have no one to give me that kind of love and guidance now evdn though Im in my late 30's.I pray for strength each day.I tries not to think of him and thats how I cope now.
     
  7. Tori

    Tori Member

    Sorry for your loss as well Anissa. It stinks. It just stinks. The pain is natural. Death is natural. Loss of a relative and best ace boon coon changed my life. It made me realize my own mortality. I keep putting 1 foot infront of the other. I feel stronger yet broken. She would want me to be stronger because if this. She always told me she always admired my strength. I think of my Momee all the time. I have placed her pictures where before there were none. I choose to think of her, it helps me smile. Our memories we made help me to feel her in my heart. Slowly i will glue my soul back together. I truly feel she is still with me in some form and that is helping me. You too will find the strength you need. Your Dad will guide you to it
     
  8. Anissa Saul

    Anissa Saul Member

    Hi Tori I hope today was a good day for you.I had a good day.I thought about my dad today.I said my prayers this morning and actually was kinda in a good mood.I miss him and plan to visit his grave this week.
     
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  9. Tori

    Tori Member

    I am glad for you Anissa. I hope you continue to have good days! Mine have been brighter. I continuously think of my Momee and keep her close by that means. I have had some flashes of bad thoughts, memories of her in pain, but I have been able to push those out and focus on her smile♥️... Keep on the high road. I know she would want me happy and not in a dark slump♥️
     
    griefic likes this.
  10. Joyce hanlon

    Joyce hanlon New Member

    I understand it 100%. Me 5oo it been almost a year and I find myself stuck. Somedays I think I can do this and I make plans for the future and then I feel guilty for doing so. It like I'm caught between two worlds the one I had with my fiance and the current situation I'm in. Sadly most of my friends and family have abandoned me maybe because my grief brings out their pain. Or maybe because they feel I'm not doing enough to move on. Who knows but to go from a life of pure bliss to losing all contact from family isn't making the moving on process easier. Keeps me holding on to my past.. And how wonderful loyal and lucky I was to have had Paul in my life.. It was that once in a lifetime kinda love. For both of us. Missing my soul mate..twin flame. Well have to keep each other strong.. Hugs to you
     
  11. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    I, too, feel alone because I lost my best friend on July 6 2018 when he died of cardiac arrest in front of me. I cope by putting his picture everywhere, creating a shrine of his ashes surrounded by his Native art and artifacts, listening to Native music, writing. him daily letters,participating in LifeShare Oklahoma, visiting his parents' graves, writing to people who received his organs, keeping the house clean and garden kept and going for nature walks. We were together for 18 years and I loved him very much. He wasn't perfect but he was human.
     
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  12. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    I have found it useless to talk about my grief with people who have not gone through loss, esp. t he loss of partner. They don"t understand and they never will until they have gone through a loss themselves.

    I t is best to find a grief support group with similar experience. There they know and empathasize. I found mine in LifeShare Oklahoma with women who also lost their partners/best friends.