D
stspo,
So sorry for the loss of father. You are so right about holding that pain within us after loss. It is so hard to let others know how bad we are truly feeling for fear of being judged. It sometimes might seem like there are those who just seem to go through the motion, say something to a person after loss and move back into their lives and disappear from ours.
I know when we lose a parent, he is a special part of us we grow with. Fathers are the ones who looked out for us our whole lives, even after we grow, and create a family. They offer guidance to us so many special times when we need it. They help teach us wrong from right. Our values come from our parents.
There is nothing more special than the love you had for your father. It is a special bond you will have with you forever, even with the passing of him. I hope your father had an opportunity to see you new child. If so, he must have been so proud of you, knowing one day he would be a grandfather. Of course you are shattered. You have lost one of the most important persons in your life.
That strength your daughter gives you will be with you your whole life. Your own daughter will be guided with it as you hold her in your arms. That love will pass on to her.
It is natural to remember your father, how you remember him during the good times, but feel so broken and lost when you think of the suffering he went through. Those two opposing images are what give you that inner turmoil you are struggling with now.
I went through battles with myself when I witnessed my parents passon, and then the 10 year journey my wife had with cancer. I have two sons who were with me most of the way. They too were deeply affected by her death.
After her passing, sure family said sorry and moved on, friends did the same, so it was up to me to find a way to keep my balance without struggling. I learned after I was diagnosed and treated with depression that the worst thing you can do is keep this hurt, this sorrow inside yourself. You have to find a way to release it.
So I talked with priests, counsellors and psychiatrists, and then one day I found this site, after I had all that unresolved anger, emotions and hurt inside myself. Those professionals helped of course, but dealing with loss takes so much time. Each of us are different, we process our life and events so differently from each other. But sorrow is sorrow, and pain is pain, and if they still hold you back from healing you still have to work on those feelings.
When I found this site I was finally able to talk with strangers, but strangers who come from so many different walks of life, so many different perspectives and most importantly so many different perspectives on loss. I opened up, told my story, heard all their replies and slowly with time felt better inside.
But I did not stop there. At the same time I was opening up, I also was looking for other ways to handle my grief. What I found was music, which had been a devouring part of my life was able to help me feel better inside. I listened for hours to music, all types as I gathered music on my YouTube channel.
This is my collection I gathered
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkOiFVSICXoJFxZsKk4micA/playlists?view_as=new+visitor
Free, no subscription required to listen
I found at first violin music with no words was just so helpful. As time passed I expanded that and started listening to songs I heard all over again in my life, it brought back such great memories of my wife Nadine.
I also watched hundreds of videos, about animal rescues, animals helping animals, animals saving humans, and just animals in general. It brought peace to me, I know it also brought my smile back and that love inside me out again.
I don’t know if you are one with faith, I am a Roman Catholic who also had my faith in God to always depend on. Sure loss is enormously hard to get past. We are angry, we want to know why, we want so many answers, but as we all finally realize, sometimes in life unfortunately, sometimes bad things come into our lives for no explainable reason.
One last thing I would do is look back at all the tokens of life of the one I lost that I had. I looked at all the photos, all the videos, and the letters if any, and anything I had kept. It helped to bring back so many wonderful memories. Sure it still hurt, but my precious tears of sorrow over time slowly turned to tears of joy as I remembered day after day all the good things.
I missed the calls I could no longer make to my parents, the hugs and kisses I would get from my wife, and so many-many other moments that touched my soul. So while it is hard to move beyond the sorrow while you are on the broken road of grief, please just remember, by remembering it will help in the long run. By opening that too will help.
For now please be aware of despair, as it can lead to depression. Peace be with you today and the days that follow.
-david
This is a young girl talking to her father as she grows up without him
Memories of the one you loved so much
Click to expand...