Everyone is gone

It has been almost 5 months now since my sweet Peggy passed suddenly on 11/2/19. Everyone has gone back to their lives. Most were gone within the first month. Only my daughter keeps in contact with me now and it's painfully obvious she can't stand to see me this way and doesn't want to listen or talk about it anymore. With the corona virus outbreak my weekly therapy meetings are cancelled. Over the phone is the only way she'll talk with me. For $200 an hour that's not good enough for me so I said no thank you. I'm truly alone. This is the only place I have to talk now. Try my best to keep busy and my mind moving but you have to stop and rest sometimes and I can sink so low it scares me.

 

Barry, it’s so difficult when the support disappears, afraid we’ve all felt that and you’re right most only support for about a month. Everyone goes back to their regular life and we’re in deep mourning. Being stuck In our homes isn’t helping matters.
Like you my daughter has been my biggest support, she continues to support me today. I don’t see that ever changing. She was very close to her dad and she hurt almost as much as me. She’s in a much better place then I am right now but she still understands my pain, she saw we were together 24/7 and the love we had and was a part of our family love and closeness. I don’t know where I’d be without her right now. I’m glad your daughter stays in touch but sorry you feel she’s tired of talking about the pain and loss. Maybe try to talk about wonderful happy memories about her Mom. Might make her more receptive. Remebdr the time when you were little and we.......
Just a thought. I do that with my son, and it helps some. And I actually told one brother, I still need support, we were together 44 years that love grew each day, you don’t just shut that off. It helped, he’s in touch a little more.
The keeping busy is so helpful but also can’t continue all day. I get that, I had and a tuall still have days where I end up sitting at the kitchen table for hours, no energy or desire to move.
Barry, keep posting on here and reading it’s so helpful. Seeing what you’re feeling is what everyone feels has some comfort to it.
Wishing you better days!

 

Barry,

So sorry for your loss of your wife Peggy. Life right now with the covid-19 threat to us all is very scary. We have to take precautions to help one another, and of course I realize that in life nothing is guaranteed, ever.

With you forced to shelter like so many of us, it appears to limit our choices, or at least so it would seem. What I have found since this went into effect is a profound awakening by my own family.

We each have our own lives, but the one saving grace has been the daily calls we have shared with each other. We also ask each other how we are doing, and never forget to say we love you.

Before this happened, I was in my own little world, having had many losses in my life and you are correct how others no longer wish to talk of it. BUT, now we seem to have so much more to talk about today than we ever had in the past.

My brother and I share our memories of our times in Vietnam and the service, and my older sister talk of all the great times we had in the past as we grew up. My younger sister also has an extended family, and we make sure to keep in contact more now than ever before.

In short, we each have our own lives, but now also draw upon what once was, and we have no idea if we will be here tomorrow, or for the fact, when and if our lives will ever be cut short.

Barry, talking is how we help our emotions not be so painful. Sure it takes time, sure we cry, sure loss is hard to overcome, and most assuredly, we want for our sorrow to be no more.

I remember how lonely the nights have been. The echo I hear in the room, there being no answers back anymore. But eventually, as time helped me not feel so bad inside anymore, the nights are now more tolerable. I am also a realist, sure my wife is gone, but she left behind so many special memories of herself with me and our two sons.

I will always miss Nadine. There might always be a tear in my eyes for her and an ache in my heart when I think of her. But that won’t ever stop me from remembering the past, and the unconditional love she shared with us and everyone else.

Barry, keep talking, keep opening up as you are able, and we will listen. For now I hope you will find some peace tonight and the days forward. But whatever you do, please don’t ever give up.

-david

I hope you like this song

 

Thank you David, once again, a perfect song choice. The music that you have shared with us has a huge help to me, and many others (I am sure)
Bill