Dying slowly

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Marcia, Feb 24, 2020.

  1. Marcia

    Marcia New Member

    My Mom is in a long term facility with Hospice care. Shes only 3 miles away. I cant stand how weak she is. She no longer can walk, feed herself, or take care of any of her needs. This hurts so deep i get sick at the idea of visiting. Visiting makes her death a reality. It should be soon. I just hole up on the couch when Im not at work. I want to stop the pain in my soul. I love her so much.
     
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Hello Marcia, I have a sister with the very same name. I know how troubling it is to see the ones who raised us get weaker and you realize that one day soon they will leave this mortal coil we call Earth.

    As each day passes and you realize, with a heavy heart someone you cherish is preparing for their end of life. I just wish I could make it easier for you. When both of parents and wife were near that stage, it was as I wanted to deny it and not prepare for it.

    My dad had a hospice nurse for two days, made his own funeral arrangements, had his will made, made sure mom (his wife was taken care of - he asked me and I accepted it) . When my mother was in hospice she was a fighter and kept her will to survive for 2 months. My own wife was in hospice for 3 months, I visited her everyday with both my sons. By the time she passed on she had prepared us some with her wonderful talks, hugs and kisses. It is never easy talking about the ones we love so much. Just know Marcia, I understand how hard it is for you. Please take your time and if you can talk to her and her back to you, be sure to ask her all that can, and just know she can see into your soul how much she loves you.

    Please don't ever deny yourself the time to grieve and be with your mother. I know it will be extremely hard for you, but you will be happy you did later in life.

    Take care of yourself. Don't forget, you need to stay as strong as you can, not just for you, but for your mother. But also, don't be afraid to cry in front of her, she will understand. I hope your nights get easier Marcia, and just know there are other here who will talk with you when you are down.

    david

    Marcia, this song is for you in your time of need

     
  3. Marcia

    Marcia New Member

    Hi David, Your note makes me realize how much we all have to go through. You are so brave and have so much love to go through this three times. How?? Due to reasons I won't get into I've had an irrational sense of responsibility for my Mother's happiness since I was about 6. Ive tried all my life and of course never succeeded. Now when I see her so weak and small I feel totally helpless. The best is looking into her eyes and expressing how much I love her. This is so heartbreaking to me that that, I think, is the reason I struggle getting out of the house to visit. Not just struggle but am terrified.
    Thank you for your thoughts and I will try to gain courage from yours.
    Thank you too for the song. I love it! A favorite and a favorite of my little grandson! He's a big fan!!
     
    David Hughes likes this.
  4. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Marcia, all you can ask of a person is to be honest with themselves, give their best effort, and don't ever be afraid to make mistakes. Just by making an effort in life we learn, we grow as person, and we begin to understand how to help ourselves and others. You take care of yourself and your family.

    Peace be with you tonight.

    david
     
  5. Marcia

    Marcia New Member

    David - Thank you for your encouragement. You dont seem to think Im awful to find it so hard to see her. Perhaps its not that uncommon. I have learned and grown throughout my life and I think that is why I was so worried about this negative reaction to Mom. Ive always been the "strong one". Best effort...good idea. Thank you again
     
    David Hughes likes this.
  6. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Marcia, I hope you find the peace you seek and the strength for a better tomorrow.

    david