Deleting text from loved ones

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by skies24, Mar 26, 2020.

  1. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    I’m having a really hard time again today. She is everywhere in my life. I find myself rereading messages on my phone. I’m thinking of deleting them because her name is everywhere. I still have her phone so I’ll still technically have the messages just not an every second reminder in mine. Thoughts. I can’t wait to be busy again!!! This having to much time on my hands is tearing me up emotionally.
  2. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Hi Skies. So sorry you are having a bad day. I have the same feelings about hubby's stuff that surrounds me. What I have been doing is very slowly sorting, tossing, saving, donating, selling. I just do something one day a week. I'll put something in a box overnight, if it's ok, I'll donate or toss the next day. If it hurts too much I'll take it out of the box and put it back where he had it. Gradually it is getting easier. Keep her phone, the messages will become sweet rather than painful in time. This is just my ideas of what seems to help me. Everyone and every relationship is different. Do only what you are comfortable with and in a way that feels right for you.
    glego, David Hughes and skies24 like this.
  3. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    So sorry you are having a bad day. I kept my sister's computer after she passed because it does give me some comfort when I go on it and see what she saved and her emails. It is hard for those missing our loved ones and the added stress and isolation due to the "virus" doesn't help.
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  4. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member


    What can you say about the one we are missing so much. God, to miss someone so much sometimes words are not adequate. Sure our tears show our sorrow, we might breath harder, or find it so hard to concentrate on anything else in life.

    Perhaps his messages to you trouble you now, but later on you might wish to recall them. Why not buy another phone, foolish I know, but it will allow you to one day go back for those messages. Or if you can’t or don’t wish to buy another phone, why not transfer those messages to an online storage area, so that whenever in the future you so desire you can always reread them again for as long as you wish.

    I just know sure I miss all those special moments I had with my wife, and even after so much time, your emotions can be all over the place. Why not for now, place your phone in a safe place, one that you can’t be constantly reminded. I know I put my wife’s cell phone in a suitcase with some other special items I kept of her.

    I miss all those calls I would receive daily for some of the most pointless of reasons, get some bread or milk, make sure you empty the trash, just stuff you could do without today, but perhaps tomorrow or another day, they might seem more special.

    After my wife Nadine passed, sure it was hard sorting through her items, but I did it with her remaining sister, my older sister, and of course my sons who I let them look at first and take and keep anything they wished.

    Nadine had a Jewelry case that was floor length, chock full I might add. I made sure to take the black pearl earrings and ring and put them in that special suitcase. I also kept our wedding rings from 42 years ago. Beyond that, I let the family take what they liked and gave the jewelry case to her sister.

    But that phone will always be special to me, I will forever keep it in pristine shape. Her words, her messages will always be kept safe with time itself. It is funny how some things mean so much more to people.

    The phone was my way of talking with her, whether important or not, but now today as I look back I am happy I saved that phone just as it was on the last day I talked with her. We each have to decide what we will cherish and hold onto from the one we loved so much.

    I know time seems to crawl somedays. Nights can seem so lonely. The phone no longer rings from the one we loved so dearly, and so we each are left alone with our own thoughts.

    I find when I am starting to feel sad and lonely I pull out the pictures, videos or turn on the tv and watch videos of ones that would seem to make me happy, like an animal rescue, or people saving people, and yes, even animals saving people. I also listen to her songs she loved, and so many others. One thing I realized was how violin music seemed to capture me the most, I think because there were no words, just pleasing music.

    Skies, I know it has to be tough for you during times like these, especially with social distancing going on. If it were any other time in our past, without this awful virus, there would be so many things you could do to make life seem so easier to cope with.

    For now, please take care of yourself, and never give in to despair. Just keep reaching out when you need to talk. Peace be with you tonight and the days forward.


    If only love could last for an eon

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  5. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Skies, I totally understand seeing her name everywhere might feel overwhelming. But for me I was carrying Ron’s phone with me everywhere, was like a security blanket. I still carry it, but little did I know he had his phone set to erase any messages after a year. By the time I realized I had lost our special messages. I do have them on phone but I wanted them on his. Plus I had deleted some pictures from our text messages because my phone had run out of space. He had all the pictures. I cried so hard when I lost those messages. It felt like such a connection having his phone with me and all our messages, and then it was gone. I cried for days. So just take the time to be sure that’s definitely what you want to do. Agreed you do have the messages on her phone, I’m just saying take time to decide for sure.
    My life changed to having no schedule, not working any more etc the night Ron passed. So from a busy schedule every day to no schedule was so hard, I still hate no routine, and now with social distancing I’m feeling even worse. So I understand how you’re feeling.
    Keep posting and reading. We’re here for you.
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  6. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    The schedule thing is so hard. Few months go we would complain about both our schedules. And how work get in the way. She would just calmly say just take a day off. I was always worried about money. She had this calm way where she didn’t stress about pointless stuff. She would have loved this slow down in life so much!!!
    David Hughes likes this.
  7. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    I love this song. Thank you! I never knew loving someone this much could hurt the way it does.
    David Hughes likes this.
  8. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member


    When we cry, our reasons might not always be the same, but those tears are needed to help our emotions release from us so we can feel better. Over time as I too lost someone I loved I needed to find a way forward in life. Holding that pain inside me was not helpful, it was holding me back in life.

    Though days forward are such an unknown to each of us, some days will be harder than others. We might think we are foolish for being the way we now feel, but that is just you mind asking for help, your heart speaks to you at times, we just need to listen.

    We might not find all the answers we need, but that don't matter as much as not giving up on ourselves. Just take each day as slowly as you can and if you are religious, as I am, faith is such a strong healer. Just remember, faith is not necessary to feel better tomorrow for each of us, you just need to believe in yourself.

    Skies, these are some songs I listened to as I grieved, some were added later in the process, but music to me talks to me, artists with their precious gifts, give the world their amazing music.

    For now Skies, peace be with you. We all are in tough times right now.


    A song for you today

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  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Yes, not realizing he had set that on his phone was horrible. Still bothers me. Just another thing on my list to try and get past.
    Ron would have enjoyed this slower life right now too. He’d have me calm, say he’ll take care of me, that’s just how he was. Pretty much layed back and we’ll deal with things as they come. He kept me calm. I’m doing ok with this situation but I’d be better. But then who wouldn’t be better with their love, best friend family member, by their side.
    I think of the words Ron would be saying to me and that helps. So, you know she would be calm during this and you must know she doesn’t want you hurting so much. Think of her calming words. Our losses take time to feel a little more normal but it will slowly happen. ❤️
    David Hughes likes this.