Death of my daughter from opioid addiction

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by Donna, Sep 3, 2016.

  1. Donna

    Donna New Member

    My beautiful 38 year old daughter died suddenly from a massive brain bleed due to IV drug use on January 8, 2016 she left behind 4 beautiful children and a hole in my heart that will never close, she was a RN and I thought she was too smart to go down that road, I still can't believe this has happened I miss her so much everyday and every minute, how does a mother get thru the loss of thier child?
     
  2. KER

    KER Member

    Donna, my son died in April from inhalant abuse. He had beat drug addiction; but sadly died senselessly by huffing. He too, was an RN. Know this: addiction has nothing to do with intelligence. Both our kids were smart.....but they made some bad choices. I could blame urban life, I could blame a high-stress job, I could blame his partner. But the truth is he made a poor choice. We're both grieving. But, if you're like me, the grief is exacerbated by all the anger I have. I am SO ANGRY at my son for making this mistake that has caused me, his dad, his brothers, so much anguish. I feel your pain, Donna. You have four beautiful grandchildren; I have two. There ARE blessings still.....we just have to look for them. And, I'm coming to grips with the reality that my life will never be the same. This pain will always be here.....some days worse than others.....but I will continue to put one foot in front of the other for the sake of those I love who are still here. And I will rejoice in the memories I have of my beautiful boy. I don't know if you'll read this post, as it's over two months since you posted. I hope so. Hang in there, Donna. We know these holidays will be tough. I will pray for you.......and for me.
     
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  3. Donna

    Donna New Member

    Hi and yes I am glad you responded and I am sorry about your son it is not suppose to happen this way I miss my daughter so desperately these are the first holidays without her...she has a brother that was born on her birthday they are 6 years apart my son is the youngest heis an addict also he went thru rehab and was doing awesome for 18 months and then 23 months before my daughter passed he overdosed and I was told he was in a coma and had massive brain damage from lack of oxygen so he was in a coma for 4 months andvhe came back almost 100% but he has been using again even after watching my daughter lay in the hospital bed lifeless now once again I live in constant fear of losing him also they are my only 2 kids, I never thought I would lose my daughter if anything I was afraid of losing my son...most people will not even talk about losing a child to addiction but I hope I can help someone by sharing her story at least then she wouldn't have died in vain...please feel free to keep in touch I would appreciate it...prayers to you... and thank you Donnawalters90 at gmail
     
    Cecilia Fernandez likes this.
  4. KER

    KER Member

    Donna, I am so sorry you are having to go thru the fear for your son. I wish there were some magic words to help ease this pain. But you and I both know there are none. People try to make us feel better, they say all manner of cliches: time heals all wounds, hoping you have closure, you can get past this. All of those words are meaningless. The reality is, there will be NO closure, and we will NEVER get past this.....we will get THROUGH it, day by day, sometimes moment by moment. Since 2012 I've lost two parents, a step-dad, a mother-in-law, a brother-in-law, a sister-in-law......but losing my son trumps them all. Most people don't know how to comfort someone who's lost a child. I think it's such a horrific event that they're utterly at a loss for what to say, so out come all these idiotic phrases. ( I've come to know they mean well. But what they need to realize is that they don't need to say anything.)

    And yes, dying by substance abuse is absolutely horrible. Senseless. Idiotic. Preventable. Tragic. That's why I'm so mad at my son. I grieve for him, but I also grieve for what could have been. He will never finish his masters degree. He will never see his nieces grow up. He will never be able to help any more patients.

    If you're like me, Thanksgiving was very hard. I am dreading Christmas. This year will be very tough for us, Donna. But I am so glad I found this website. It feels good to talk with someone who completely understands the depth of my grief, because she feels it too. Hang in there, my friend. Thank you for responding.
     
  5. Donna

    Donna New Member

    Well Ker I see we are both still here and made it thru Thanksgiving even tho we just went out to dinner instead of staying home and cooking I had 2 of my grandchildren with us and we picked up my son so he could eat with us and of course that was the night he decided he had to get high before we picked him up I was so upset and just kept thinking why couldn't he just not be high he knows I can tell and he knows how upset I have been from losing his sister but I knew if I said anything then it would turn into a big battle and I didn't want that.
    My daughter was making 95,000.00 a year and refused to take a drug test and just walked out of her job so of course she lost that my daughter had never been like that I was shocked when her CEO called me that afternoon this happened in mid summer and that is when she really started going down hill, I didn't see her until Thanksgiving last year after she lost her job I didn't even know where she was living then I saw her Christmas Eve and 2 weeks later she was gone, I don't know how I am going to manage Christmas or even if I am going to celebrate it this year...I miss her so much!
    I hate that now I have to worry about my son more than ever and no one understands why I do...now more than ever! I am glad you found me on this site I just wish it were for a differant topic and that our connection is due to losing a child..prayers to you and we have another big hurdle to get over next month and I know it is going to be worse than Thanksgiving...keep in touch and I will do the same...oh yeah I sent my email in the last response but I don't know if you were able to see it or not...let me know...and thanks for taking the step to communicate with me...hugs!
     
  6. KER

    KER Member

    Yes, Donna.....made it thru Thanksgiving. My other two sons and their wives all work in nursing & law enforcement. So we didn't have our meal together until tonite, when everyone was off work. Thursday was bad.....my husband and I rambling around this house by ourselves. He busied himself with little jobs in the garage. I finally stopped crying and started digging out Christmas decorations. I have never felt less like celebrating Christmas in my life. However, I have two living sons, two wonderful daughters-in-law, and two precious granddaughters. My boys are grieving bad enough....I am not going to add to their grief. I want to make this Christmas as normal for them as possible. That's what keeps me going. If it weren't for them I'd crawl in a hole, curl up in a ball, and die.

    I am so sorry that your son is still using. I will pray for him, Donna, that he try rehab again. I know it takes some addicts multiple attempts before they're finally able to kick their habits. My son beat his meth addiction (and whatever else he may have been taking....we will never know). He was in a rehab program that required random drug tests. Unfortunately, inhalants don't show up on random tests unless they are being specifically targeted in screening. So he was able to slip through with inhalant abuse, undetected.

    We WILL make it through Christmas, Donna. As we've said, there is no "getting over" this......we will feel this loss the rest of our lives. But there IS getting through it, learning to live with it, crying through the bad days, and rejoicing when the good days come. Yes, I did see your email. Here's mine: m_krudolph@msn.com
    We will keep in touch, my new friend, and hold each other up through these bad holiday times.

    Will write soon.

    P.S. I spent some time reading other postings on these message boards. I'm overwhelmed by the amount of pain and anguish out there, hundreds of people hurting just like we are. To be honest, I had to sign off.......it was too distressing, too overwhelming, and I found myself hurting, crying, aching for all these other people grieving like us. So, will check back often, but don't know if I have the strength to do so everyday. I hope you understand.
     
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  7. Audrey

    Audrey New Member

    I also lost my son through opiate addiction. He had been in and out of rehab 7x since 2014 when he first told me he was doing heroin . He finally seemed to be doing well. He was living in a sober house about 45 minutes from me and working 2 jobs where he was well liked. One day he just decided to leave and went up to Baltimore where an old friend was living in abandoned buildings and using. I keep asking myself why did he give up now . He chose homelessness and addiction and I can't help feeling he went there to die. I know that he wanted to start seeing a therapist and because of insurance was having a hard time finding one. I am angrier at the system than I am at him. He had a disease. I have a daughter and she is having a hard time coping with this now. She had not seen him in awhile and feels guilty . I worry about her as she deals with anxiety . I can't wait for 2016 to be over.
     
  8. KER

    KER Member

    Audrey, I'm so sorry about your son. I agree with you.....2016 was a horrible year. And our lives will never be the same. It's hard to wrap my head around that one. I feel for your daughter, too. My sons are having a tough time as well. I worry especially about the younger, who was a twin to the son we lost. He doesn't show his emotions very well and is keeping things bottled up. Siblings grieve differently than parents, I believe. Either way.........it all sucks. Praying to make it through these holidays.

    Thank you for sharing.
     
  9. Anita

    Anita New Member

    My 26 year old son garry died from herion and fentanal mix he had been doing pretty good he only did a little but the mixture kill him stopped his heart instantly. Also my son Garry's son noah was still born September 16th 2012 then Brittany noahs mother my sons girlfriend of 9 years had a massive heart attack at 23 years old she was just lile my own daughter. I am worried that i have not dealt with Garry's death yet i just feel lost and numb i dont likevto go to the grave yard to see him.also April 1986 my first son joshua died at 2 months old of sids. I am a keep it to myself kinda of person feel like i am lossing it.
     
  10. KER

    KER Member

    Anita, I'm so sorry for all the loss you've suffered. I'm glad this site affords us the opportunity to share. I can identify with the feeling you have of "losing it".
     
  11. PhyllisG

    PhyllisG Active Member

    Bless your heart, Anita. My 26 year old son Joey also died from heroin with fentanyl mixed in it. That problem is sweeping our entire country and is killing people everywhere, every day. Even the most seasoned heroin addict cannot survive that. It makes me so very angry that someone sold that to him when he was so desperate for a fix. As an aside, many states are changing the laws to hold dealers criminally responsible for deaths occurring as a result of overdoses from the mixture of Fentanyl with heroin and other illicit drugs. I will keep you in my prayers.
     
  12. PhyllisG

    PhyllisG Active Member

    Let us all just remember....I am a true believer in the fact that our children have literally been rescued from the devil himself. I had conversations with my Joey merely 4 or 5 hours before when he continued to tell me he did not want to live like that. I encouraged him so much and begged him to just hold on and we would get him somewhere (again) for help. I came home 6 hours later to hear that my one and only child, my son Joey, was gone. It's been almost 10 months now and I am more and more relieved as time goes by that the Good Lord has rescued my baby from his suffering -- and in many ways our whole family is at peace now.

    Phyllis
     
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  13. Stacy M

    Stacy M New Member

    Thank
     
  14. Stacy M

    Stacy M New Member

    Thank you for that Phyllis. My son's story is very VERY similar to yours. He passed away August 2015 alone in his room at home. I was out of town and when we came home the police etc had just gotten there. A friend found him and called 911. He had just recently come home from his third stint in rehab in another state. He tried very hard in rehab and did well and was proud of his success I had a feeling he had relapsed. My last words to him were not helpful..I knew coming home was not good. (But I still had hope). He too was so tired of living that way. He was ashamed of things he had done and people he disappointed. I just feel so bad every day that he suffered so much. I read his journals from treatment and found he was suffering more than I knew. He found God while away. We never had a chance to really talk about all he learned in treatment, etc. I only found out after... I feel so bad. I know he felt like he failed again..he was only 22. Accidental OD.
     
  15. Becky Lynn

    Becky Lynn New Member

    I lost my oldest daughter to an overdose May 7, 2016. I can't believe it's been almost a year. My grief has been compounded by the loss of my father (August 28, 2016) and my soulmate (October 18, 2016). My heart is shattered and I don't know how to keep going. I am blessed to have 2 other daughters along with their husbands and 9 precious grandchildren. If not for them, I don't think I would still be here. I am so sorry for all of your losses
     
  16. KER

    KER Member

    Becky, I am thinking about you tonight as tomorrow will be the anniversary of your daughter's death. If you're like me, the date we lost them will be forever engraved on our heart, just as their birthday was. Hang in there, friend. You are not alone. I will say a prayer for you tonight.
     
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  17. KER

    KER Member

    Thinking of all of you this evening, mothers of lost children, sisters with me in grief.........Donna, Audrey, Anita, Phyllis, Stacy, Becky. Tomorrow will be a tough day for us. I am going to TRY to focus on the good times I had with my son (and there were so many) as well as the gifts I still have: two more sons, two daughters-in-law, two precious granddaughters. I don't want Mother's Day to be one of mourning, but rather of rejoicing in what I had, and still have. Blessings to all of you, and prayers that your Mother's Day might bring some smiles instead of tears.
     
  18. PhyllisG

    PhyllisG Active Member

    Hello all.... I haven't been here in awhile so wanted to check in on everyone. I truly hope you're all hanging in there and taking care of yourselves. I am now facing the one year anniversary of the absolute most horrible day of my life. I lost my 26 year old Angel, Joey, on June 17th of 2016. Joey was my only child and died from a lethal dose of heroin mixed with Fentanyl. These important dates (Christmas, birthday, mother's day, this anniversary date, etc.) are just so HARD. I really just want Saturday to get here and be gone. As always, you are all in my prayers.
     
  19. KER

    KER Member

    Hi Phyllis..........I check in here periodically (but don't spend a lot of time reading here......so distressing, such anguish, such grief, hurts too much) Had a notice in my inbox that you had posted. As of Saturday you will have made it through an entire year of "firsts"......and every one of them sucked bigtime. I am so sorry that Saturday is looming before you......but you WILL get through it. Know that others on this site have lifted you in prayer too, friend. My big anniversary date was April 19. I still can't believe it's been over a year since I heard my son's voice. But I'm clinging, HARD, to God's promises of reunion one day. You'll see your Joey one day too, Phyllis. Until then........hang in there, sweetie. I hope Sunday dawns bright and sunny for you. God bless...........
     
  20. Sandy18

    Sandy18 Member

    Hi, Everyone, I am relatively new to this website and this is the first thread I have joined. I am still overwhelmed with grief and anxiety at losing our oldest son nearly 2 years ago from what we believe was an accidental drug overdose. I read all your posts and feel such a connection with each of you. I struggle daily and sometimes feel very alone in my grief. Phyllis, I noticed that the one year anniversary of losing your son is this weekend. I will keep you in my prayers for strength and comfort. I know how much I am dreading July 23 which will mark 2 years since losing Adam. Our lives will never be the same without him.