I lost the love of my life last week at age 64. She a retired surgical nurse, and I a retired middle school teacher. It was quite sudden over 2 days. An intestinal obstruction turned to severe septic shock. Docs said less than 20% would pass in that condition. Of course being a nurse she did not want to go to the hospital that first day thinking it was just food poisoning, but the doc said it would not have made any difference. We wrote a heck of a story together in our 46 years. Two lovely daughters, two vacation homes, and traveled the world together. We were extremely blessed. Of course it was not supposed to be this way. The plan was I would go first, and she would live until 90. Of course the plan was to be together for another 10-20 years. So yes, it hurts. I’ve experienced grief, but not like this. Just trying to get by hour by hour, one day at a time. Trying to focus as much as possible on the incredible memories we did have together, but the tears, lack of sleep, and shock to the system are making it a daily challenge. Of course regrets come into play. Why did I not tell her every day that I love her, and how pretty she looked. As I’m sure most people would say, “What I would give for one more day.” One more day to honor the most important person in my life, never thinking she would be taken from me far too early. Of course it was not always perfect. She was an alcoholic and got sober 7 years ago. It was a rebirth for her and our family. We were all so incredibly proud of her. I know grief takes time to work through, but it has dawned on me that if she had the incredible courage for sobriety, I will allow that inspiration of courage guide me through this terrible grief. I know she would want me to be happy again so I will try to reach that goal, but it won’t be easy. It hurts! Thanks for listening. Tim
Tim, I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife. You had so many wonderful memories together that will always be with you forever. I imagine over your life together your wife shared all the precious moments she witnessed so many saved in her career. It is something that will always shine a bright light on you. Those bad memories are just that, the past. Forget them, and think only of all those times you shared your life. I was married for 42 years, even though she passed from cancer I won't dwell on those days. We had two wonderful sons together. We went on cruises, and when I was in the military, we lived in Okinawa for 2.5 years, and so many other places. We never stayed still, and always found a new place to visit and save with pictures. I met her through my sister, an elementary school teacher for 48 years. Sure we both have so many memories to fall back on. Even at our most saddest of times we can open a photo album, or videos we captured and listen to the music of all the concerts we attended together, both before and after marriage. What was so fun, one of our best friends was a Justice of the Peace, so he is the one who married us. He was so nervous that day I had to give him a beer to calm him down, so hilarious. If you wish to share any stores, we will be happy to listen and comment. If you ever find yourself feeling lonely, reach out to family, to us, and never forget, there are so many great professionals out there who can help, like a counselor, psychiatrist, or priest. Take care. Peace be with you in the days that follow. -david Here is a melody by Bryson Andres
Tim, So sorry and I know how you feel. I lost my wife of 25 years suddenly also. She had a brain aneurysm and died the next day. That was almost 6 months ago and sometimes I'm still in shock. This is the worst grief I've ever faced. Nothing compares to the pain. She was retired. I was going to retire soon. Those wonderful plans are all shot now. Life is what goes on while you're planning your life. I've heard it a thousand times. Stay strong in these first weeks and months. Concentrate on your health. Grief is so hard on you. Talking helps so write again soon. Peace.
Thanks for reaching out Barry. Sorry for your loss as well. Had no idea it would be this tough. The person by your side for all those years, you fool yourself into believing it will never end. I will do my best to take care of myself, and you as well. One day at a time my friend. Take care!
