Dad died of dementia 4 28

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Ms8118, May 4, 2020.

  1. Ms8118

    Ms8118 New Member

    I am missing my dad he just died of dementia this tues. Very hard on everyone. We couldnt have a real service because of virus rules. Couldnt even be with him at this whole time. It was awful. Any body else in this sitation i would like to hear from.
     
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member


    Ms8118,

    I am deeply saddened for the loss of your dad. I hate what this Covid-19 has done to all of our lives. We can’t even offer support and closeness for the one who we are about to lose. It is something no person should ever be forced to face in life. It takes from your dad those last moments they might capture for their heart, mind, and soul. The isolation deprives us of those last hugs, kisses, words, share tears with them, and just so much more.

    I think what I have found because of this life we are living, it has been so uncaring, so unforgiven and so much more. Sure you will be told it is for the best for everyone, but let’s all be frank, all kidding aside, it is so damn unfair. I harbor no ill will to all those who give of themselves in so many professions to offer us care, food, and life’s necessities, but no one can tell me that life, as it is right now, is one that words can’t capture. So I will just show my disdain for life the best I can.

    A while back my son had breathing problems, did not call ahead, and was taken to the hospital. We had to stay away till they either released him or kept him. Thankfully he was released. But the biggest thing that has me got me in disbelief, he wasn’t tested for the virus. I think because there are those still among us in the population who are infected and because of lack of testing it is a losing battle. If our government can’t prepare for tomorrow based upon what has happened now, I say what the heck good are they doing for us all. It is just too hit or miss. Too many words. Too little results. I could go on but I won’t.

    Keep reaching out when you wish to talk with us. I hope you will take this time to reach out for whatever support you can reach, like family, friends, professionals. Don’t forget with today’s environment support can come from video conferences over the internet, besides the phone. Take care. Peace be with you.

    -david


    A song for you

     
  3. venson_eric

    venson_eric Member

    Did David I am so sorry very very sorry that you did not get a chance to have a funeral to see your father on his last days my mother had dementia also she died on the 23rd of April I had her in at home with me in a hospital bed and I went to check on her I didn't think nothing of it that's when she died even though the nurses said she's declining I just thought I had more time and we did have a service but it was very very small because of the coronavirus it made a lot of people did not show up I could count how many showed up about 5 and I was sad about that too well I knew that my mother was declining but I'm grieving just like you and I know you're grieving more because there's a lot of what if you have done this or that or been there I feel the same way even though I was there but I went to leave for a second before you know she was gone I know what you going through with parents with dementia when it first happened in my mother I didn't know what was going on just like she did know what was going on
     
  4. venson_eric

    venson_eric Member

    I looked after her I said her I cleaned her and even though I did those things I caught myself comparing for her death I want it happen I'm just I just wasn't prepared now she's gone and it's a very empty feeling in this house there and I feel so all alone because I'm an only child and I know how you feel about your loved one very very much I just want you to get this message and you need to talk I'm right here
     
  5. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Venson Eric,
    I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mom, dementia is so brutal to watch a loved one suffer through. My Mom suffered with dementia, she passed 15 years ago. It was so difficult to watch her try so hard to remember people’s names or remember a word she was trying to say. My Mom had heart valve surgery that I believe caused dementia. I was lucky in that she remembered who I was the longest of everyone. And as I saw her becoming more forgetful I’d say who I was as I entered the room. Was helpful for both of us. My mother in law had Alzheimer’s, she passed a little over 2 years ago. So I do understand how hard it is to lose your Mom to dementia. However, losing a loved one during this pandemic and not being able to have normal funeral services or have people offer support in person, is just awful. I feel for you and your family going through such a loss, while the world around us is so uncertain of how things will move on.
    I’m on here because I lost my husband suddenly to a massive heart attack. He was healthy, no health issues at all. Had a perfectly normal day then at 9:30 pm he didn’t feel well, then realized it was his heart! Call 911, he had every cardiologist available at the hospital working on him. Lost the love of my life at 11:34 pm. Only 2 hours after it all started.
    You mention the house feeling empty and lonely, I agree, that’s so hard. The house has such a different feel after the loss of our loved ones. Everything feels wrong and it’s difficult to move past that. I’m sure your Mom felt your love as you cared for her.
    I hope you have family and friends that offer you support and you can reach out to, through telephone, internet or what ever means possible. Plus you have a whole community of people here on this site that will not only understand your pain but offer support as well. Keep posting and reading others stories, it’s so helpful.
    All the best! Robin
     
  6. venson_eric

    venson_eric Member

    Dear Robin thank you so much for your kindness during your Mourning loss of your husband my prayers go with you and your family and I hope that you have other loved ones to look after you and make sure that you are all right but if you don't you give me I emailed Buzz is no problem thank you so much for your understanding I'm an only child and my mother was my family I have other family relatives but they do have their lives also being an only child can be lonely and I found out how lonely it can be when your parent dies. I'm so glad that you emailed me to offer your condolences and I'm offering my condolences to you of your loss of your husband. I'm sure he was a wonderful man and loves you very much and during our grief we can get strong again
     
  7. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member


    Venson Eric,
    Thank you so much for your kind words and condolences. It means a lot. He was/is a wonderful loving caring man. We were as one. We ran our business together. Which I’ve sense closed. That’s a whole other loss. This week it’s 1 1/2 years. I can’t believe I lost the love of my life let alone I’m still here. But I’m pushing onward as best I can. I’m sure yesterday was a difficult day for you and I’m so sorry for that. I found yesterday to be a very emotionally challenging day. Your loss is so recent, what has helped me the most and continues to help is trying to stay busy, keep your mind as occupied as you can. I know right now we’re living through this pandemic, making everything more difficult, but it does help.
    Ron and I have 2 children and my daughter lives close and has a great support, we support each other. Our son is in Florida and he offers support as best he can. We FaceTimed a long time yesterday. Made me feel close to him and helped my day go a little easier.
    Your other family members are mourning your Mom as well, you should reach out to them and support each other. It’s amazing how much sharing your story is helpful. Continue to use this site to read and share.
    Take care,
    Robin
     
  8. Ms8118

    Ms8118 New Member

    Thank you for your words. I have been doing better but sad at times. Missing my dad.
     
  9. JesFiveHealth

    JesFiveHealth Member

    Dear,

    Ms8118

    Dear,

    venson eric

    Sorty to hear about your loss of your father during this very difficult time Much Love to you an your Family
    You Are Strong
    We Support You
    We Care For You
    We Love You
    I Love You
    Jesse

    venson eric
    sorry to hear of the loss of your mother these situations are very hard an the last memories are not always the ones that bring the most joy. Fortunatly David shared his love an time an messaged me about his empathy an his experiences. This helped a great deal. Remembering the early years Carl an I shared together. I truely hope love kindness an joy to you an your family
    You Are Strong
    We Love You
    We Support You
    We Care For You
    I Love You
    Jesse