He said the toxicology report came back (finally) and they ruled my fiancée's death an accidental fentanyl overdose. I didn't even know what fentanyl was until he died. It's been about six weeks since Michael's been gone. I feel exhausted. Waking up everyday is a struggle. As of right now, I'm living for other people. And it's exhausting. Today was my first day of grief counseling. Wasn't fun and knew it wouldn't be--not my first counseling rodeo. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that I have to keep moving on without Michael in my life. I don't want to move on without him. I want to move on with him. I want to move on with Michael...and I can't. I can't do anything with him except sit at his grave and get mad at him for abandoning me. For lying to me. For not telling me he was struggling. I shared every weakness I've had with him. I guess it was stupid of me to think he'd do the same. I miss Michael. He wasn't just the love of my life, he was my best friend. I'll never find anyone like him again. Maybe I'm not meant too... I have dark thoughts sometimes. My counselor said that's normal. That's a good thing, I guess. I was starting to think I was really going crazy.