Coroner Called Yesterday...

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by EllisLynnAsh, Sep 18, 2019.

  1. EllisLynnAsh

    EllisLynnAsh New Member

    He said the toxicology report came back (finally) and they ruled my fiancée's death an accidental fentanyl overdose. I didn't even know what fentanyl was until he died. It's been about six weeks since Michael's been gone. I feel exhausted. Waking up everyday is a struggle. As of right now, I'm living for other people. And it's exhausting. Today was my first day of grief counseling. Wasn't fun and knew it wouldn't be--not my first counseling rodeo. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that I have to keep moving on without Michael in my life. I don't want to move on without him. I want to move on with him. I want to move on with Michael...and I can't. I can't do anything with him except sit at his grave and get mad at him for abandoning me. For lying to me. For not telling me he was struggling. I shared every weakness I've had with him. I guess it was stupid of me to think he'd do the same. I miss Michael. He wasn't just the love of my life, he was my best friend. I'll never find anyone like him again. Maybe I'm not meant too... I have dark thoughts sometimes. My counselor said that's normal. That's a good thing, I guess. I was starting to think I was really going crazy.