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Complicated Grief

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by Fahnette, Apr 15, 2021.

  1. Fahnette

    Fahnette New Member

    My mom was a narcissist. My dad was an alcoholic.

    Needless to say I did not have a healthy childhood. Dad died in 2008 and well, good riddance.

    Where am I stuck? Mom. I can't get through this at all. I can't release that part of me that is still desperate for her love and approval. I can't release that part of me that learned unhealthy self-sacrifice at her feet. I can't release that part of me that has become malignantly perfectionistic. I can't release that part of me that feels like even though she's gone, I'm not really free to be who I am.

    I am looking for grief counseling. I just don't want to feel alone anymore. I always feel like there's something wrong with me that no one else will ever understand even though there are probably thousands of people like me in the world. I'm tired of feeling like a freak because of my childhood. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only person who has ever felt this way. What helps you feel more connected to others in this new life?
     
  2. kempalayne

    kempalayne New Member

    I somewhat understand. My dad died from suicide 30 years ago and my mother just passed from brain cancer. I just realize I have abandonment issues. Had it from all kinds of issues growing up. Feel alone during my grieving now. Hoping to find others here.
     
  3. MoonandBack

    MoonandBack New Member

    I see you both and absolutely know what you're saying. I'm in my late 50's and both of my parents are deceased. My mother was an alcoholic who died of brain cancer in 2014 and my father was a verbally and physically abusive man who died in 2017 of COPD. During that time I also lost my aunt who was close as a sister and 4/2019 my husband who was my everything died of prostate cancer after battling for 4 years. 2 months later my aunt who was my bonus mom died.

    While the death of all of them has been extremely difficult, I never really got to grieve any of them because I was caring/cheerleading my husband through his illness. Now I'm here alone and after 2 years of that I am still not able to accept and reconcile my feelings. In many ways I don't even know where to start.