My husband, Justin died,March 17th 2020. It's been almost 9 months since I lost my husband in a fatal car accident right outside our town not even two miles outside of town. The accident is still under investigation but I think it's almost done,I have no answers this whole time we have been together since 2005. Married on 2007. He was only 34, would be 35 now. My initial reaction was shock, yelling "this isn't happening" I couldn't even make any calls without my hands severely shaking. He was on his way to work that day and was gonna pick up our kids from school as it was the last day of school because of covid-19. My husband had left earlier then usual that day because he was freaked out he was not gonna have a job anymore because of covid-19,so he wanted to talk to his managers. I know for a fact,had he not left early that day he would still be standing here. This is also his second huge cat accident. The first one was when he was 14, Intoxicated. He died a couple times back then,was on life support,had a lot of surgeries done and made it through. I miss him every second of every day. It was rough at first,I almost committed suicide but didn't because of my kids. I am starting therapy soon,I wasn't ready before because I couldn't talk without crying a lot. He was the love of my life,my soulmate,my everything. As time has been going by some days are ok others are really bad and depressing. My whole world changed and I was not ready to say goodbye we had a lot of plans for our future that we had not got to fulfill. I leaned on him with life issues with a lot of things. Some days I don't know how I'm ever gonna through this. I've thought maybe I should've been in the van with him because we were suppose to grow old together n die somewhat after one another. And then I ask why me,why my kids,what did we do,what did my husband do? He turned his life around with my help. I feel sooo bad for my 6 yr old son,11 yr old daughter and 12 yr old son. My husband and I had our spats but we loved one another sooo deeply. I was 15,16 when I met him and started dating him he was also the first guy I've been with sexually. I sometimes wanna be with him so bad because I feel like I will never be happy ever again. This wasn't suppose to happen, not this early. We are/were still young.
My husband died suddenly died right outside my back door. We had plans too. I had just retired. I felt we were over the life struggle finish line. Now I am here without our future. I realized what I am grieving is that future we planned and when he died suddenly, it feels like he just disappeared. Vanished. I am thinking of you. I know sudden death just throws you in a moment into a strange place. Going through this with your kids will mean everything for your future as you stick together.
