I too have difficulty feeling like I took Michael for granted sometimes...I am not sure I took him for granted as much as his absence has made me realize just how good he was to me and for me. I think there is at least a subtle difference. All of the things I would have done differently if I'd have known that our time was running out keep flooding my mind. I have always been a person who goes the extra mile for those I love, takes care of everyone first and myself last....but feel like I never did enough. I have a hard time right now remembering anything good I did for Michael even though there are thousands of things over the years. He knew it and said it often. He was better at that part than I was. He cooked dinner for me during the week, always ready when I got home from work, and I cooked on the weekends. We loved to have meals together. My appetite has not returned since he left and I do not feel like I will ever really cook again. And I loved it. He bragged to his friends about my cooking. Someday, maybe... Here is something I have tried that helps a bit - when my dad died in February (my other protector) I framed the most handsome picture of him and put it at a place on the dining room table. He is there when I eat my dinner, or livestream mass. I have a beautiful framed photo of Michael as well. If I need or want to talk with one of them it helps to have their photos close by. Makes it a bit more real. One of the hardest things for me has been the fear that I will forget details about Michael, his face, his moustache, goatee, blue eyes. So far I haven't forgotten anything and I find the photos help get me through. Trying not to be so hard on myself and remember some of the kindnesses I showed him, and hoping those memories gradually replace the guilt and self-doubt. Take care and keep sharing. I think it helps.