Can't find a reason to get out of bed

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by LeeD, Aug 3, 2020.

  1. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    I too have difficulty feeling like I took Michael for granted sometimes...I am not sure I took him for granted as much as his absence has made me realize just how good he was to me and for me. I think there is at least a subtle difference. All of the things I would have done differently if I'd have known that our time was running out keep flooding my mind. I have always been a person who goes the extra mile for those I love, takes care of everyone first and myself last....but feel like I never did enough. I have a hard time right now remembering anything good I did for Michael even though there are thousands of things over the years. He knew it and said it often. He was better at that part than I was.
    He cooked dinner for me during the week, always ready when I got home from work, and I cooked on the weekends. We loved to have meals together. My appetite has not returned since he left and I do not feel like I will ever really cook again. And I loved it. He bragged to his friends about my cooking. Someday, maybe... Here is something I have tried that helps a bit - when my dad died in February (my other protector) I framed the most handsome picture of him and put it at a place on the dining room table. He is there when I eat my dinner, or livestream mass. I have a beautiful framed photo of Michael as well. If I need or want to talk with one of them it helps to have their photos close by. Makes it a bit more real. One of the hardest things for me has been the fear that I will forget details about Michael, his face, his moustache, goatee, blue eyes. So far I haven't forgotten anything and I find the photos help get me through.
    Trying not to be so hard on myself and remember some of the kindnesses I showed him, and hoping those memories gradually replace the guilt and self-doubt. Take care and keep sharing. I think it helps.
    Barry likes this.
  2. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I feel you it is the little things that get you more sometimes. I'd think of something we'd disagree on and it. People that havnt been through it say they understand but youre right they dont. It just seems weird doing stuff without him that I'm so use to doing. Sending good vibes that you continue to get stronger.
    Barry likes this.
  3. ArthurAllen

    ArthurAllen Active Member

    I think it’s normal to worry that we’re going to forget details about our loved ones, but I know she’ll always be with me in my heart. I can’t delete her voice from my business voicemail greeting. I thought she sounded more professional, so she was the voice of my business phone. I sound kinda country but she had a good speaking voice. I’m not going to change my voicemail. I can still listen to her voice if I want to. I have a really old pic of her I keep out, she was a teenager in the pic, complete with 1990s hairstyle. Thanks for listening and understanding.
  4. anetteba1

    anetteba1 New Member

    I lost my husband a month ago. It was very sudden and unexpected. Right now it's one day at a time. Still crying a lot. Tried an online support group but the people were too old. Couldn't relate.
  5. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Me too. Unexpected complication of his treatment. Lost him within 3 months. Really hard to accept, he was so full of life. I am so sorry for your loss. I would encourage you to keep posting - there are people here with your experience and I have found it to be really helpful. Not everyone you know will understand and stick with you which can be really hard. Take care and keep sharing.
  6. Jeffsjohnson

    Jeffsjohnson Member

    My wife was one of those strong, spunky women. She would say to me - and you - “get off your ass, excersize, drink less, remember that your family and friends need you, and never forget me!”
    anetteba1 likes this.
  7. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you're here with us. I lost my sweet wife Peg suddenly and unexpectedly also. 10 months ago to a brain aneurysm. One day at a time is all you need to do right now. I cried a lot for the first few months. Every day. We go into shock when a traumatic event like this happens. Thank God for shock! I don't remember much about the first few months. Depressed and on autopilot most of the time.Grieving is horrible! Try to just take care of yourself and your health for now. Pray. I promise you it will get a little easier as the time goes by. I don't cry as often as I used to and I have as many good days as I have bad now.Peace, love and kindness will find you again. You never know what's in store for you in life so live on and find out. Peace.
  9. I totally get the sense of purposeless without your wife. If you were soul mates, you have lost half your soul. It takes time to find your new Norma, perhaps a long time. I lost my husband and soul mate as well after 20 years of marriage. He was my whole world. I went crazy for awhile, wishing I was dead, sinking into depression and deep feelings of self-loathing. It's taken a long time to build myself back up and it's still going on. It's the most terrifying journey of discovery--and the most painful--I have ever been on. Just know you are not alone, that others have faced the same thing. Won't give you advice; I am sure you are doing the very best you can. I am so sad for your pain and struggle.
  10. ArthurAllen

    ArthurAllen Active Member

    I’m sorry for your loss, I lost my wife 3 weeks ago. I’m only 46, but I guess it’s all relative. I understand what you mean about support groups. We were stuck in our 20s in some ways and she passed suddenly. Thanks for listening
  11. I lost my husband when I was 55, which is considerably older than either of you. I also understand about support groups. They didn't work for me but not because of age difference. Some were younger than me. It is terrible to lose a spouse at any age, but it would be hard to join a group of all older widowers/widows. I would feel out of it, too, and sad that I didn't have my husband or wife longer. My hubbie and I met and married in our mid to late 30s; then he died at 57. Boy, did I feel cheated. I also remember the devastation of the first weeks and months after he died. My heart goes out to both of you; it's a tough road. I am sending healing thoughts your way, and strength for each day. I read a quote recently that might be of some help (or not): "There may be little consolation, little hope right now, but it is perhaps better than nothing to know this: the heart is the only instrument that still works when it is broken." Thanks for including me in your chat.