Can't breath

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Questioning my sanity, Jul 20, 2019.

  1. We loss my daughter's boyfriend of 10 years on thurs. I have cried for 36 hours straight. Completely shattered. How can I help my daughter when I can't breath? Absolutely shattered.
     
  2. My daughter shot herself. There was no way we could have saved her.She had made up her mind about that. I get up everyday and wonder how I can live without my only babygirl. At this moment in time. I can barely help myself.I pray that all of us parents left behind ,will in time find some sort of relief from the pain. I am so sorry you must travel down this path and for your loss.
     
  3. JennyM

    JennyM New Member

    I just lost my Ex husband (but still together) two weeks ago and I can’t stand the pain and the guilt! He left a very detailed note of things I should do and he’s sorry and to have a good life. I can’t stop thinking and I’m so tired. I just want to call him.
     
  4. I am sorry for your loss and the pain without them is unbearable. I spoke with my babygirl everyday .I so miss not being able to just pick up the phone and share things each day. My mind is constantly going over every detail and all the whys. I wish she had left me a note, it would have helped I think. I hope as the days go on you will get some clarity and what you need to do for yourself
     
  5. Janamasey

    Janamasey Member

     
  6. Janamasey

    Janamasey Member

    Hello, Shattered Heart. My son ended his life 78 days ago. Rather we found him 78 days ago. He had ended his life several days before. I have sobbed for 78 days. I just don't understand it. My heart is broken and black. And my heart is broken and black for you also. You wake up every day and go to bed every night not understanding. These are our babies and it so hurts. I can't pray for me but I will pray for you. I hope that you are taking care of yourself. I know it's hard oh I know.
     
  7. Hello ,Jana.Thank you for your kind words and prayers. It really helps to have someone that understands how much it just rips our hearts out to not have our Babies to hug ..or hear them say I love you momma. I will be thinking of you and add you in my prayers tonight for all the shattered hearts of us crying mothers.
     
  8. Janamasey

    Janamasey Member

     
  9. Janamasey

    Janamasey Member

    Anytime you need to rant, sob, share, I will be here for you.
     
  10. Today someone called for my daughter.She had some papers for her to sign. It almost killed me to have to say .She died last month. Well that set me off to crying the rest of the day.My baby is dead.But the world just keeps turning everyday. In the last year anda half. I have lost my sister ,two brothers. my aunt, my sisterInlaw, my uncle and my babygirl .I dont know if , my heart is strong enough to survive this nonstop pain and suffering. I have stage 3 congestive heart failure. .what's next?
     
  11. Janamasey

    Janamasey Member

    I have been crying for 86 days. I understand the cuts it makes in you daily. My youngest daughter is now missing and on drugs. My oldest daughter is an alcoholic and is being forced through probation to stay sober. I have a lot to cry about.
    And so do you my friend. I am so sorry about all of your continuous grief. You are having to grieve all of your losses at once and over and over. And to grieve for your own health. I am so sorry for you. I don't have any words of encouragement or bullshit to feed you. There is none.
    I do know you must be a very strong person to have endured all that you have. I think about you and send you positive vibes. I do know we must speak positively. Negative is rotting us and we have to cut out some of that rot. And it is so HARD. Crap it's hard. Be safe my friend. Try try to be compassionate toward yourself.
    Jana
     
  12. Hi Jana,
    I always look forward to your post. You have touched my heart with kindness. Your daughters are doing the same things my baby did .She was on drugs and probation for a long time .She suffered from severe depression.
    I pray your youngest is ok. Tell me how you are doing.You can tell me anything because we have similar circumstances and I feel you. I dont know if the tears will ever lessen. But you are so right. We must look for the light for our own sanity.
    .I would also love to hear about your son. When your ready.
    Your friend,
    Susie
     
  13. Janamasey

    Janamasey Member

    What a way to meet people.
    Are you seeing a counselor or going to group meetings?
    I see you are in Texas. I'm in leander near Austin.
    I see a counselor as do both of my daughters. Friday my husband will go for the 1st time. Our youngest. Mikaylah, is 21 and my stepdaughter. Our oldest is Mercades and she is 26. Deven, my son, is 24 1/2. Mercades and Deven are mine.
    We have found Mikaylah. She took off with her drug dealing boyfriend after we had him arrested and she bailed him out. She says she is safe and is going to live with her mother in Rockport (where we just moved her from 3 months ago to get away from this boyfriend). We don't believe that of course. I understand how addiction and depression work. I was a meth addict for 10 years and was on antidepressants at the same time.
    I've been clean for 13 years and have no desire to resume that lifestyle even at this terrible time in my life.
    Mercades is getting her crap together. She had a couple of assault charges and then a dwi so she must stay sober or do jail time.
    And my sweet baby Deven. What can I say? He is my baby. High functioning genius level autistic. Although never really diagnosed. We just knew. He is quiet reserved and kind. Really kept to himself. Didn't accept help. Didn't even tell us he was suffering. It was a complete shock learning he was missing. I knew immediately he was gone. We found him the same day so that was good. We didn't have to search for long
    Or not know for long. He is my baby. I thought I did the right things. I never thought I was a bad person but now I really question that. What could I have done? These are all my illogical thoughts. Rationally, I know it has nothing to do with me. I did what I was supposed to and this is what the outcome is supposed to be. Goodness it hurts. I carry him from room to room with me because I don't want him to be alone. I wish I had did that when he was here.
    My heart so hurts, Susie, but I know that there is a greater reason for this. Somehow Deven is working magic in our lives and we must find it and accept it. Our children have brought us together and they are standing beside each other as we communicate.
    Your turn.
    Your friend,
    Jana
     
  14. Jana, I cannot really answer your latest post right now. My uncle past from liver cancer last night. He only found out three weeks ago. He lives across the road from me One of my favorites I am trying to help with things. Plus console my husband whose 10 year old dog died this morning also.
    Take care,
    Susie
     
  15. Janamasey

    Janamasey Member

    I will keep you all in my thought and prayers.
    Jana