Can't be a wallflower anymore

Hi, I'm new to this board and as another member put it, "unfortunately joining this group"

My condolences and sympathies to all. I appreciate everybody on this site.

My husband, Ed, of 33 years transitioned to the great beyond Oct 9, 2020. I miss him dearly. We have been married for 33 years, I was 19 and he was 20 when we met. Two lone wolves living together, getting it done.

After his death, I came home from the hospital and started surfing the internet searching for understanding of the events that had just unfolded. I came across a few hospice sites that discussed different phases a dying person may go through.
We home diagnosed him with diverticulitis and we were using home remedies to make him get better. On Oct 7, 2020 he remarked he felt much better. He looked and sounded much better, too. Like he was on the mend. I believe this is what the hospice sites refer to as a pre death energy surge. After this energy surge the ailments often times come back stronger and more defiant. In less than 36 hours of feeling "great" he passed away.
I called 9 11 around 2:38am, Oct 9, 2020, I thought he had a stroke. I'm told he didn't have a stroke, but a paralytic episode as death was knocking. I heard one death knock, a very distinct sound that jarred me out of bed to go check on him. It didn't sound like he fell so I was confused and curious as to what I heard. I looked this up on the internet as well. Most people hear 3 knocks, I only heard one.

When I went into the other room where he was sitting he looked fine except for his right arm was curled and held very tight and close to his body. He was also staring over his left shoulder up at the corner of the ceiling. There were no lights on. I went over to him and put my hands around his face and asked "baby what's going on?" It took him a few seconds to respond. He gradually turned his face toward me and he looked into my eyes and said "what?". He became like a child, very innocent and pure in his demeanor and voice. I knew then he wasn't his usual self and that I had to call for an ambulance. I stepped out of the room to get my phone. I got back to him and called for an ambulance. As I was starting to talk to the 9 11 operator I was helping him lower himself down to the floor. When he realized I was on the phone he knew who I was talking to and he became very distraught and a glimmer of his usual persona, a strong man, came through and he started fighting me for the phone. At one point once he realized the speaker was in front of his mouth he clearly spoke and said no, no thank you. Don't come out. Luckily, the operator was listening to me and she sent the help. Once the phone call was finished he was still sitting on the floor, I helped him stand and move out to a larger room but we only made half way through the doorway. I helped lower him down to the ground so he could lay on the floor. He was still talking to me as I went and got a towel to put under his head. I heard the ambulance crew at the main door and as soon as they walked in he stopped responding.

The nurse at the hospital said he never spoke or woke up. At the hospital, I think they attended to him for 1-2 hours. I'm not sure about the time frame, but he never came back around.

He was my everything. I miss him dearly. Once we met, we were with each other every day.

My 14 year old cat is my companion now. I know she misses him as well.
I move about aimlessly, no direction, no hope, nothing. I'm so lost right now.
I've had to take care of the "official business" but that's all I can handle. If it didn't seem important, I wouldn't be doing that either.

Thank you all for sharing your life stories.
I pray for peace to be with you, everybody.
Gwen

 

So sorry for your loss. My husband passed just over 6 months ago and I could not function for the first few months. I did what I had to just as you say, taking care of business. That's all you can do right now—you've been through something very traumatic and it's crappy that you're here, that we're all here. I can say that after 6 months it's less raw and less aimless, at least for me. And I would not have thought that possible. Sending thoughts your way.

 

Thank you Dee Kay. My sympathies and condolences to you, too. I'm glad to see that time has helped you overcome some of your trauma. You've given me hope that things can become brighter again. Thank you. I pray for your continued healing.

 

I am so very sorry for your loss and yes like you we never thought we would be on this site at this time of our lives. My wife passed away from esophageal cancer in Feb at age 59 . Like you i had a similar experience before she passed .On a Friday morning she said she wanted to go do something so she said lets go to the casino so off we went.We did this once every couple months ,but we would always gamble separately then meet up every hour. We might gamble together before we went home for 15 -30 minutes. This day she calls me on my phone ,we have been there 20 -30 minutes and says come join me, we gambled together for the next 2 1/2 hours , we had so much fun and i will always remember that joy she gave me .Then long story short she had trouble breathing early Saturday morning ,we had just signed up with hospice so life squad took her there and she passed 24 hours later. To this day I believe she knew she was dying and gave me that last time together ,she even made my coffee that Friday night. This grieving is hard stuff it's the price we pay for love. Taking care of yourself ,being good to yourself is the best thing you can do for you.This is one bumpy long road we are on and sometimes you might want to say let me off but one foot right in front of the other , let your emotions come out and somehow our broken hearts will start to heal ,I surly hope so. I know we will never be the same or never forget , that's love.Take care and be strong and very courageous.

 

My sympathies and condolences to you, tgotyall. I'm sorry for your loss as well. It sounds like your wife was a wonderful lady.
Its not uncommon for people to know they are dying. They may not know the exact date/time but they have the overall feeling that it is imminent.
I'm glad you had a joyous special time together at the casino. That's such a pleasant moment to remember.
And yes, "this grieving is hard stuff", I wholeheartedly agree. I miss my husband more and more with each passing day.
After we first met I remember taking note of how many years we were together because once it was over 19 years it meant I spent most of my life with him. I was so excited when that came true. Now I'm counting how many days/years I'm without him. It just tears me up inside. I do go out for walks once or twice a day. The physical activity helps tire my body so then I'm able to rest. It also calms me and allows me to organize my thoughts.
I pray your broken heart mends completely and quickly. Take good care.