I lost my mom on July 5 2018 to lung cancer. I took her life too quickly she was 67 years old, one moment we were watching my kids playing soccer in March, then in April she got sick was rush to the ER, by May she was in a wheelchair, by June she was bed ridden. It took us al by surprised how fast it took her. The struggle I have everyday is how I wish I told her to fight, to try treatment because I still needed her . It is hard I feel so lost and alone. No support, but being told that I need to be strong, and to move on. I can not move on. When my mom took her last breathe a piece of me died with her. Not being understood, I am dealing with depression , anxiety and constant panic attacks and major anger issues. The man who is suppose to help me get through this threaten to call the police have me locked up in a mental hospital. I am dying everyday. They say be strong, but how can I be strong when I have no more strength in me. I feel that I am at my breaking point .
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother. My mom died from ovarian cancer 12/26/18. She also deteriorated so quickly. I understand the feeling of lack of support, and losing your shit and being told it’s not okay to do so. What has happened to you is life changing and there is so much to process, especially with it happening so quickly. All of your emotions are just as they should be, and there is no timeline on when you should “be strong”. Actually, moving through the insanely painful process of grief, no matter how ugly or scary it looks, is the strongest thing you can do. You are being strong. My heart goes out to you.
Cancer took my mum on December the 2nd and just finding it so hard how and what to feel so I came on here to talk with others I fucking hate cancer ♋️
My mum was 65 so young went in with a chest infection they said then said she has stage 4 bone cancer ?? No sytoms ♂️ 3 months later she died went from good to worse so quick it was like a bad dream I’ve been drink like hell to try forget about it but it made it worse so I’m now sober have been for 8 days just gna try and cope but I don’t know how to feel like you say I feel like somthing is missing and my life has been turned upside down
Well guys I have done both a mom and wife. The mom made it to 94. Still was really psychotic for a few days. The wife I tell people go get hit by bus going forty mps ( sorry not metric) To both of you I will say it is a miracle to get to this five months. You know and I knew somewhere inside that we are over the edge. There is the self that understands this. Then the other selves that act out all sorts of behavior. I knew as a rule I was not violent. It really was edgy and zero tolerance to others who acted in unpredictable way. I soon came to the idea that I had to be so careful of where I went and who I could have around me. Still do not trust my self all the way. The salvation was close friends to talk to. Sometimes I did take some left over pan killers. Those total I am gona lose it white knuckle days seem less. When those days came I just held on. If you can run or some form of soak a tee-shirt with sweat will produce some endorphins and change some brain chemistry and you can get some relieve. Those anger moments people will notice and be afraid of you and back off. That is your feedback that you are not doing well. I would say journaling was good to get unstuck in your thinking. Doing some flower planting or some type of tribute to you mums is great. Do please find some caring people to talk with. Music was another refuge and still is. I could alter my mood with music. Sometimes hard rock just to counter the sorrow feelings. Some times the most weepy music I could find to purge via tears. Bee Gees with Saline Dion singing Immortality would just drive a steak into me. I would look forward to hunger just to feel something other than grief. Sorry to go on so long. I have a list of what I would call well being darts. I would try anything including going to A Buddhist Monastery for chanting and meditation. Any thing or combinations to deal with the all powerful and consuming pain. I hope this did not make it worse. I will often recommend Healthy Healing by Michelle Baumgard. I hung on every word my Hospice grief counselor said and would do any thing she asked. Again sorry for the run on. You can contact me for all the well being darts that I know. Best to both and sorry for your losses !!! Paul ( just a good old Yank. )
Hey everyone...sorry for your losses... I recently lost my mom as well 11/12/18, right before my 38th bday 11/25. She was fighting a battle with laryngeal cancer. She first got diagnosed in 2015, she was losing her voice and thought that it was a bad cold and was afraid to go to the doctors, even though me and my sister kept begging her to go. Finally this "cold" she thought she had turned into a tumor growth and she couldn't talk and it was a huge lump and she had no choice. It was so bad that they had to do surgery and ended up removing her voice box 2 weeks before Christmas 2015, we spent the holiday and the new years in the hospital with her recovering. She was weak and she cried and I cried with her...she was my best friend and it hurt me to see her this way because she was always so strong through everything. But I decided that I would be strong for her and we would help her fight this because I knew that she could. So I talked to her daily, worked with her daily, I learned how to clean her trach and care for her properly with cancer and we became even closer and had developed our own ways of communicating without her being able to talk with sound. After her surgery she did very well and they started giving her chemo treatments she took to them very well and her recovery was great. Middle of 2016, bad news that the cancer had showed signs of still being present but this time it was in her cervix area and in her chest area. Now she had to get more radiation and chemo treatments more meds but through this all she was still being strong and I kept her motivated and I kept her smiling and I knew that she hated going through all of this because we talked about it often and she told me... she didn't believe she would be around long and that was the worst thing to ever hear her say to me. It meant she wouldn't be here to enjoy any of my future accomplishments with me. We cried together a lot... it was becoming difficult some days for her to even swallow foods. But she still prevailed and fought hard. 2017 it was a good year...the best year...cancer was gone and she got to ring that bell LOUD and PROUD at the chemo center. There was no more cancer. Life might be good after all. I needed her here and maybe God heard my prayers and my tears. 2018 around End of April sometime in May, mom started getting sick again. We decided to take her into the ER. She fought with us on that decision and she didn't want to go because she knew that it wouldn't be good news and it wasn't. Cancer was back and it was bad... very bad...they kept her in ICU. This time it had spread to her heart, and lungs and basically told us that things were not good and she didn't have long to live...she was now terminal. She stayed in the hospital with so many test being done for a good few weeks and I cried as I laid on top of mom holding her telling her I was so sorry for any and everything I ever did to disappoint her. I was sorry for not being a better daughter and that I promised I would fix myself and my life and make her proud to call me her daughter. She told me don't cry and that she loved me and don't be sorry for anything because she loved me and forgave me and that I would be okay and that it was okay. Hardest time there was her asking me, to ask the doctors when was she going to die. It was the worst feeling ever...she said she was tired of them poking her and if they said she was terminal and that meant she was gonna die...then when? How long did she have. That's when I decided to do the one thing I knew might help extend her time just a little bit if anything. I told her this: "Mommy... I love you, you know that...I love you with my whole heart and you are the strongest person I know. You've been through so much but these doctors are only Human...they are NOT God. They do not determine when you will leave here. Only you and God decide that and right now I don't believe it is time for you to do that. So for you, for us you been fighting for years now...don't give up now. Let's get you home...I will take care of you. I will nurse you back to health... we will fight this together... I will be strong for you because you have been for me. Don't you want to go home...be in your own house, in your own room with your family? She said yes and in those next few days... we talked, we laughed, she smiled and held me hand and I hugged her and she gained strength. Enough to go home on hospice care. She was good at home, she had gotten better it seemed...stronger even being home. She stayed 6 months home in hospice care with me and my sister caring for her before she finally lost the fight. And just like all of you... I feel like a huge part of me has died... I am trying to manage going through my day to day routines, pushing myself to be okay and to go to work. I'm feeling like a zombie some days, fatigued and sleepless nights. Mom prepared me very well for when she wouldn't be here, what to do and take care and all that but the pain that she couldn't...all she did say to me was "Don't let my death make you too sad as I won't be in pain anymore and don't let it make you depressed and take over your life, like I did when I lost my parents. I promised her I wouldn't but it still is hard and it still hurts... Trying to get counseling and therapist are booked up out the wazoo so don't really know what to do about that.
Quanetta I cannot be more proud of you. You put it all out there. Your words are so well known to me, all of it. Your mom is loved and she knows that in spades. You stretched your self perhaps further than you ever thought possible. Between my mother and wife and all the ups and downs. I decided I could be anything that a situation required because I played every position. My conclusion is we will be devastated for a good chunk of time. But when we regain our strength we will know how much love was given to us, hence the hole. Then we will on some level put that love back into the world. Quanetta I spend time in recrimination. That is one of the toughest. Could I have been a better husband and caretaker? The answer was Yes. But it was never for lack of love or concern. So many times I told myself I do not know how to do this. Like you every effort was made. We did our best. Know is time to heal. It took a huge toll. But when our power and wits do return we will be that much stronger. Much of the world will look so superficial. We will know how precious life and relationships are and we will tend to them so much better. I love your ass Quanetta in we traveled a very similar road. Paul
I love you too. Not many people understand the road we have traveled or can even view it as we have... I have realized that. What I also have realized is that I do view the world and people so much differently now. It's as if my eyes are open wider and I can see further and my understanding is deeper. Its to the point now that I'm taking my mom's advice. She said "Don't live with any regrets. Anything you want to do, you can. Live your life how you want to. Enjoy it. Don't waste your time loving the wrong people either... love someone that will love you, the way that you love." So that's part of my new journey. I'm out here and I'm starting to live my life...not just exist. I'm creating moments in time and memories for a lifetime to be forever cherished. I believe once we are 100% strong again, that hole will fill back up with the love that never left. I see how people don't cherish time and life and the world... its crazy. I just wanna make sure I get to see it all. I know that we all feel we could have been better, done something more or differently. But yes, I agree...we did our very best. Now it is definitely time to heal and for Self-Care. Because we will not be able to give that love or be stronger if we don't start by loving and caring for ourselves first. I know I am on a great path, to treat my next relationship with so much Love, Caring, Kindness and everything in between. But first it starts with ME.
Nothing but the best for you as well. Just remember...you're not alone... when you wake up every day, Thank God for that and then look in the mirror and tell yourself... "I Got This!" cause you do.
