Cancer sucks!

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Wendy Sue Bruce, Feb 8, 2019.

  1. Wendy Sue Bruce

    Wendy Sue Bruce New Member

    Lost my husband of 30 years to cancer last September. I have been looking for grief support. This is the worst experience in my life.
     
  2. Tasha Murashige

    Tasha Murashige New Member

    I lost my husband of 16 years in September to cancer also. It’s horrible. I’m here if you would like to talk.
     
  3. LostDadinDelaware

    LostDadinDelaware New Member

    I lost my wife of 26 years back in July 2018 - colorectal cancer. I am so lost. I can't seem to get it together.
     
  4. Lee C.

    Lee C. New Member

    Yes cancer sucks! I lost my husband in September 2017 from brain cancer. He was 46 years old. The whole experience was very difficult for us, especially for our two teenaged children. I worry so much about them as they probably worry about me. I am sad for them for many reasons but mostly because their dad will no longer be physically present for the important milestones and events in their lives. My son had his Confirmation and a graduation only a few months after his dad died. I sobbed uncontrollably at both of these "happy" occasions. My daughter will turn 18 next month and will graduate from High School this June. I am crying now just thinking about it! My heart breaks for both of our children every single day but much more on their special days. I try to be strong on those days but the tears just roll down my face no matter what. Dad was their Hero!
    I understand the pain and extreme sorrow that we all feel. We must do our best every single day even if it is difficult.
     
  5. LostDadinDelaware

    LostDadinDelaware New Member

    Hi Lee C.

    My daughter graduates in June 2019 as well and I know exactly how you feel. Her mother won't get to see it. Won't get to tell her how proud she is of her. Won't get to help plan the graduation party. Won't be in any of the pictures. How is this going to be a celebration for my daughter when the one person she wanted to share it with won't be there? I can't believe I'm actually dreading my daughter's milestone.
     
  6. ksteve

    ksteve Member

    Hey guys, I know this is tough especially when you have so many milestones ahead. I made a promise to my wife that I would try to take over the "grandma" and "mom" duties. I'm not very good at this and I'm constantly asking my kids questions - but I'm trying. When it comes to family, it's no longer just doing my thing, I need to carry the grandma/mom duties as well. It will never be the same and no one including yourself can replace your husband or wife - but it should not stop us from trying. I hold back the tears and try to make every occasion special for my kids and grand kids. We always manage to bring "mom" into the celebration (sometimes I sign cards with her name and angel wings). You can't make this go away but I believe there is room for both remembrance and celebrations.
     
    griefic and LindaH like this.
  7. Feeling alone

    Feeling alone Member

    Sorry for your loss and I totally agree-cancer sucks. I lost my dad 11 days ago to cancer. Life is such a struggle without his presence.
     
  8. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    I completely agree, cancer is utterly horrible, I lost my partner on the 15th December 2018, he was only 43 and I was 37. He was my whole world I don’t know how to cope now without him.
     
  9. paul tinker

    paul tinker Active Member

    Ksteve, Yes I can relate. I rolled off my last construction site two years ago to care for Kay. I literally said to myself that I had to become a woman. Meaning having to play many positions well at the same time. Certainly maybe not new respect for women but an earned understanding. Yes, cancer sucks, big time.
     
    griefic likes this.
  10. Beccy

    Beccy Active Member

    Hey Steve, can I ask how your wife died? I lost my partner on the 15th December 2018, following a short battle with cancer and pneumonia.
     
  11. ksteve

    ksteve Member

    Beccv - yup she had lymphoma in 2007 and was in remission for 11 years. The chemo from her treatments gave her leukemia (AML) in March 2017. The first round of chemo did nothing so they gave her the hard stuff. This actually got her in remission and she completed a stem cell transplant in August 2017. We came home just before Thanksgiving and she continued to get stronger each day. We had a great summer. Unfortunately, her leukemia returned in October, 2018 and she once again tried to get in remission followed by another stem cell transplant. She only made it 30 days and passed away mid November, 2018. In addition to the leukemia, she also contracted another bone marrow disease which required more chemo. Her bone marrow was basically worn out and she never got in remission. Meanwhile, my melanoma came back after 12 years so I'm being treated for that and so far in remission. So yea, cancer sucks but if I don't try moving forward, cancer will have beaten me as well (and not the melanoma!).
     
  12. Marla

    Marla New Member

    I will start by saying I am so sorry for all your losses:{ Mine was to cancer June 14 2017. Spouse of 31 years and over 40 of togetherness. Almost 6 months ago I was hit with tears that are so hard to stop the flow. Have been searching for a group of grievers like me and I keep getting closed doors. The groups I contact are for new grievers and only to help through their first year. What about after that? Steve, I Like what you said about signing cards to your kids with the angel wings. I always tell mine he is there sharing those big moments. But I like the inclusion on the cards. Their dad was their rock. It is so hard for them to go through things without his advice. My heart aches for them. My heart aches all the time. I have realized this ache will never go away. I have tried to embrace it but it doesn't stop the flow of tears and the lack of his presence. Well, this is my intro to the group.