Can’t sleep...lost my love.

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by DanAlone, Jul 1, 2019.

  1. DanAlone

    DanAlone New Member

    It’s 2:45 am...can’t sleep again. Heart hurts and I’m bouncing between tears and anger...my daughter isn’t home....house is quiet and I just want to scream...if one more person tells me it gets better I’m going to vomit...I loved my life. Now I have to learn how to live it all over again.. I don’t want to...I’m sorry if I offend anyone but fuck this...It will never be the same....it will never be ok
     
    blkcrwf1 and LindaH like this.
  2. LindaH

    LindaH Well-Known Member

    Dan, You are right,it will never be the same. People either mean well or just don't know what to say.


    I am sorry for your loss .


    Saying I hated was "Your stronger than you think" I have never figured out what that was supposed to mean.
     
    Sunny454 and DanAlone like this.
  3. I don't think anyone is offended, I know I'm not, you're right "fuck this" is exactly how I feel, nothing will ever be the same and I don't want to get used to a life without my husband, I still have to get up everyday, go to work, take care of my kids and try to do all the everyday things we did together as much as I don't want to, I have to but I hate it and yes I do get angry, even though I don't know what I'm angry at and I cry tears of anger and frustration, but I try to find some joy and comfort with what I do still have in my life and am still grateful for. Life is unfair, to some more than others, I'm so sorry for your loss, I know a little of what you're feeling, but we all grieve differently, I am always surrounded by my loved ones and yet I feel so alone, my heart hurts and I feel that I have no one to talk too, and I too don't sleep very well, nothing anyone can say to me brings me any comfort, I just feel like I'm going through the motions of living and surviving but I'm not really alive anymore.
     
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  4. LindaH

    LindaH Well-Known Member

    This thing called grieving just sucks big time.

    I am glad we all found this site.

    Even though the people in our lives think they understand, they really can not understand how we feel empty inside.
     
    Anne19 and Sunny454 like this.
  5. Judi welch

    Judi welch Member

    Linda. Nights are awful. Even with Ativan I wake and lie there and shake. It is only 10 days for me. I’m in shock and sorrow and anxious
     
  6. Judi welch

    Judi welch Member

    I
    am too. I’ve never been through so much pain. Can’t get out of bed. Only 10 days. My husband of 40 years died in front of me from a stroke. I tried to save him but they took him to the hospital . He was brain dead. I am shocked. Lost the love of my life in one moment before my eyes . Miss Tom my love.
     
  7. LindaH

    LindaH Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss, Judi.
     
  8. blkcrwf1

    blkcrwf1 Member

    I am right there with you. I lost my soul mate in March I swear it only gets worse with time. It will never get better I guess it will be different. I did not want my life to be different it does suck. Feel like I should just give up sometimes but I cannot tell my family. They think I am doing fine even though I never get out of bed. I cry alone so no one sees. I understand what you are going through
     
  9. Anne19

    Anne19 New Member

    Grieving is a hard experience in life regardless of age. Bring empathetic is one thing but understanding what we have lost is another. Losing a spouse, soul mate, other half SUCKS big time. What was once shared is now all upon surviving spouse, alone. Even then our situations are different. I am so glad I came across this site as well. I am mostly alone. Only when at work I am with others. I’m coping. I don’t sleep. I miss sharing the bed, no more morning or good night kisses and hugs. It sucks. My emptiness is 2o weeks raw. Yet I appear to others as doing good, “getting over it”. NO NO NO! It sucks!
     
    LindaH likes this.
  10. Kriss

    Kriss Member

    I will never get over it. I roll over in bed expecting him to be there. Then I end up crying myself back to sleep. He has been gone two months and it sucks. It stinks. I hate it that he is gone. I get so mad and frustrated that he isn’t here. Everyone asks what they can do. Unless they can bring him back there isn’t too much anyone can do.
     
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  11. Anne19

    Anne19 New Member

    I totally get that it sucks. I hate coming home to no one. No one to share my day with. Received other bad news today and for past 9 hours have had to keep to myself. No one to share with. Kriss I am so sorry you are grieving. 5 months for me coming up in a week. I cry all the time. My world so empty. Death of a spouse really hurts. I pray for peace and comfort for you.
     
  12. Kriss

    Kriss Member

    Thanks. I pray for peace to you too. Trying to move forward is so hard.
     
  13. Anne19

    Anne19 New Member

    Agree. My forward is often 2 steps forward 5 backwards. I just keep moving as much of a struggle it seems at times. I have to for our 12 year old daughter who is her daddy’s girl and always will be.
    I like talking to people. Fascinates me to talk with people from different areas. Where are you located? I am in NY near PA border.
     
  14. Kriss

    Kriss Member

    I’m in Michigan. I am trying to keep moving for my 2 yr old granddaughter and my twin boy grandsons coming in November I’m trying to go thru our camper which we have to sell. So right now cleaning that out is a struggle. So many memories. It’s taking me forever but I’m doing it.
     
  15. Anne19

    Anne19 New Member

    I can relate to camper. We just bought one end of Aug 2018. Used it 2x. I am keeping it as he would want his daughter and I to use it as we planned. It was so hard for me to go in it. But going to have someone tow it to campground we stayed in for a month back in 2006. I will be there for 2 weeks. Need to make new memories with it. No grand babies for me yet. Soon in future. Dave would have made an awesome papa. I broke down when I was faced this week with another person driving the Jeep that towed this camper. I simply see Dave. It is a struggle. Blessings and prayers to you Kriss. We just take it moment by moment and that’s okay.
     
  16. Kriss

    Kriss Member

    I
    totally agree wanting to keep the camper. It was a hard decision but it’s way to big for just me and my son. We will continue camping we are going to use the money for something smaller. We will continue with the memories of camping just in something I can handle . Hope you find good memories in yours.
     
  17. blkcrwf1

    blkcrwf1 Member

    I think we can all agree that we all belong to the "club" that no one wants to belong too. Johnny was my world my everything and that will never change. God I would give anything to see him again
     
  18. Gazelle

    Gazelle Member

    God, I so relate to your words .Nothing WILL never be the same! I try to be in moment but I am thinking of who I use to be!!I am having so much trouble navigating this website and it keeps taking me back to signing in again. I desperately need one person to talk to every day. How do I keep up with you???
     
  19. Gazelle

    Gazelle Member

    I so relate to everyone,s feeling. So cool to see them so relevant!! I am new and need to learn how to navigate this website..Sorry to everyone. We are all in the same situation. Today I was going to varnish a table, but then I think, WHY? Who is going to see the outcome,
     
    LindaH likes this.
  20. LindaH

    LindaH Well-Known Member

    Gazelle, Sorry for your loss.

    I am glad you found this site. We all have the same thing in common....loss of our loved ones.
    This is a safe place to express what you are feeling.