The feeling of loss takes the breath out of me most days. I feel that I am in a state of panic at times but I can keep going on, it’s very frustrating. Sometimes when I am breathing easy I am so happy that I am and then I doubt that I deserve to feel joy... the cycle starts again and I wonder, will it last forever? My authentic self knows it will not but my other parts of me are worried. It has been close to 3 months since I lost both my brother in dad in a car accident. I want to breathe easy but am scared to lose anyone else. Fear is now tapping on my shoulder constantly, so I hold my breath and worry it will be taken from me.