By loosing a spouse do you loose your own identity?

In you know God won't give you more than you can handle. I'm sure this is a test. I was never very good at test.lol

 

Hang in there @Marcia Carey. Sounds like you got ambushed today, just remember no matter what it feels like, you're not alone.

 

Hello Marcia, I have heard that said before but there are sometimes I think God does give us more than we can handle so we will call to him for help during that time and bring us closer to him.

 

I refuse to watch Mash. That was my husbands favorite show. Since he has passed I cannot bring myself to watch it.

 

Sorry for your loss Kriss. I agree. I'm not able to watch any shows that I used to with My husband.

 

Sorry to hear about you loss! My life partner of 28 years lost his battle with pancreatic cancer less then a month ago! I'm still in shock! I wasn't ready! Even knowing about his diagnosis, I am going to say...he was fine one day and bed ridden the next two days and he was gone. I stayed with him 24/7 for six months, I would have done it 20 years! My feelings are similar to yours. I can't stop crying! I didn't even know that a body could hold so many tears! I am asking myself all kinds of questions, the most important one is...could I have done more? You are right, I know people and it is NOT the same! I can't even begin to deal with the loss of Mark!

 

I thought we had more time too (39yrs)...it was too much, too fast...it's been a month that he's been gone. I'm trying to learn to not dwell on the "what IF" questions or thoughts. I know that I should have/could have handled this much better, but that part is over and I can never change it...and I know he wouldn't want me to beat myself up over what cannot be changed. It's hard enough dealing with the sadness and aloneness without burdening oneself with blame or what if's.
I live in the country so for the first week or so I could go out into the yard and just scream at the sky....primal screams that I just let flow....I could rage at the unfairness and the helplessness and all the negative I felt about myself. It helped with all the really bad memories that were trying to seize me...I cry a lot, I walk around the house & yard performing small tasks, with tears streaming down my face...Something will grab me when I least expect it and I still go outside and scream with rage and pain. I can't really grasp that I'll never see or hear or touch him again, and when I do think that way I burst into tears...I just tell myself that he's away and he's not coming back , but that doesn't offer any solace...My heart goes out to you Sandi ...

 

Mark hasn't even been gone a month yet. I haven't let go of two things: If I wouldn't have went out to smoke, would he have fallen? The next part to the same topic, did the fall cause damage to make his demise faster? The second one is, we had a massive argument four days prior to his passing. (Two of those were when he was bed ridden) Did the argument cause him to quit fighting and just let go? I will not be able to quit blaming myself! I even googled can a fall cause an aneurysm? Mark probably wouldn't want me to beat myself up, but in 28 years together, we never had an argument that bad! The sadness and being alone is extremely overwhelming! I was with him 24 hours a day for a little over six months and now I am alone! I miss him so much, my heart aches so bad! Sometimes I even feel like I might be having chest pains, so I just eat baby aspirin. I cry so much that I have said there's going to be a new ocean named "Sandi's Tears" I did not know one person could have so many tears! I just came in from pulling weeds out of our flower garden, he wanted me to do that for him! I can't grasp that I will never see him again! It seems like he has always been a part of my life! I constantly look at his pictures and I write poetry for him, he asked me to post it online! I also tell myself he's away.