Broken Hearted

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by Shmily, Jan 6, 2019.

  1. Shmily

    Shmily New Member

    On June 22, my partner, age 58, had a stroke. He had stent surgery a few days before this day and the doctors said he could have another stroke. They also said if he didn't have the surgery he could have one anyway, so he opted for the surgery. He had his first one in 2006, but recovered somewhat. He could walk with a walker or cane, but mainly used a wheelchair. I was his caregiver.

    He was flown to the nearest ICU and was put on a ventilator for precautions, since he was in such bad shape. The doctors weren't calling this life support as of yet, but something to help him get through the next few days while they do tests.

    I called his family (brothers, sister, and daughter) who live about 300 miles away to inform them of how serious this was. They came to the hospital and demanded that I take off the ventilator. His sister told me that he didn't want to be on life support. I talked to the hospital and they again told me it was for precaution because he was going to have some serious tests done. After the tests, it would come out. I wanted to give him every chance to survive, so I listened to the doctors. But that wasn't quick enough for the family. They got mad, were rude, insulting, accusing, and threatening. This was all done over his bedside, which hurt me to see him moving around as if he heard them talking. I asked them to stop and they insisted that he should hear.

    Totally blew my mind! How could someone upset a person so sick? The day came when the ventilator was taken off and he did great! This also wasn't good enough and they insisted on taking him back to where they live. I have been with him for 18 years and we have a son together. Although we weren't married, I felt like we were.

    The hospital said he would need around the clock care and that a nursing home would probably be best. I didn't want to do that, so was unsure what to do since I work full time. The hospital also said the stroke paralyzed his throat somewhat and he would have trouble swallowing food and only gave him 4 to 6 weeks to live. His sister again demanded he go with her and stay with her at her house. She doesn't have to work, so I prayed about it. The only answer I could come up with was the bible story about the 2 mothers fighting over the baby. The real mother didn't want the baby harmed and told the king the other mother could have the baby. I felt like this fighting was hurting/harming him, so I let him go. Plus I thought if he only had a short time to live, then he could be surrounded by family 24/7.

    It is now January, and he has fought to live and is eating enough to sustain himself. In the meantime, his sister has gotten guardianship, so I have no say on anything now. I even have to get permission to call and am given orders on what I can and can't say to him. This feels like a nightmare! I'm grieving for him because my son and I can't be with him. I'm afraid to even ask to be able to come see him as it would hurt too much if I was told no.
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the trouble you are having with your partner’s family. I don’t understand why they would prevent you and his son from seeing him. I’m afraid I have no advice to offer. I wish everyone involved peace.