Big Brother Lost Baby Sister (and my best friend)...

Discussion in 'Loss of Sibling' started by MarkSteven, Jul 28, 2019.

  1. MarkSteven

    MarkSteven Member

    I lost my sister to COPD. My sister was 52 yrs old and I was 57 when she passed. I was my sister's primary caretaker up until the last 10 days of her life when she went into a nursing care facility. The high Co2 levels that resulted from a lack of oxygen compromised her thinking and she became very confused. Her mental health declined. It was extremely stressful to care for her and I am sure it was no picnic for her either.

    Initially, she wanted to go to the nursing care home where our mother had passed. She later changed her mind, but there was no choice. I could no longer care for her by myself. I needed her to stay in nursing care.

    I've often questioned myself as to her care...was I patient enough, caring and loving enough? I Don't know if I was, but I certainly tried to be. I had been a big brother for almost 53 years and yet I could not protect her from getting ill. I could not stop her from passing on.

    She was a huge part of me, we shared secrets, love, laughter, and tears...too many to count. I've never had a better friend. She almost always had a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes. She was a loving and generous soul. Beautiful, both inside and out.

    She left behind an older brother (me) and a younger brother. A son and daughter, and 6 grandchildren.
  2. MarkSteven

    MarkSteven Member

    I wanted to add that for the past 20 years I have been alone except for my sister. Even though I did not have a significant other I had the closeness and love of my sister. We were pretty close as far as siblings go and the two of us were renting an apartment together (after our father and mother died). I have the same disease as my sister (COPD) however I quit smoking and am not as far along as my sister was. I could talk to Melissa about anything and we often sang, and joked around filling the room with laughter. To say I miss her is an understatement. She was precious to my heart.
  3. Trish68

    Trish68 New Member

    So sorry for your loss. I too had a very close relationship with my older sister of 3 years. When she lay dying after they took her off the respirator I held her and asked why she wasn't taking me with her. I too was alone at the time after my divorce and she took me into her home til I could get myself together. We spoke every day on the phone and of course their were weddings, funerals, good times and bad we shared. When I felt the world was against me she always supported me. It has been two years for me this Labor Day and can't say it gets any easier but there will be times when it just hits you again. I see her photos all the time on Facebook as I have posted photos of her and us since we were small children. She was diagnosed with breast cancer which a mammogram didn't pick up and 6 moths later she was gone. Her husband then was diagnosed with lymphoma a year later and has survived after aggressive chemo. Take care and know you are not alone in your grief
    MarkSteven likes this.
  4. MarkSteven

    MarkSteven Member

    Thank you, Trish!!! I am so sorry for your loss as well. It sounds like you also had a one of a kind bond with your sister too! I appreciate your reply as your words are a great comfort to me, know that I am not alone in my grief.

    My sister had a battle with small cell lung cancer, which she won, but just a couple months later COPD took her. I felt so sad for her as she was so happy to beat cancer, but was losing the battle with emphysema. It was truly heartbreaking. Her son did not visit her when she lay at home dying, her boyfriend did not come around, and her daughter stole her last disability check to buy drugs. Sis was extremely disappointed but she never let on. She kept smiling through it all.

    Anyways, I am sorry to keep going on about her but she touched my life in a way that no one else ever has. I was so blessed to have her as my sibling. I could not have wished for a better sister.

    October 22nd will make one year since she has been gone and I miss her so much. I am sure you miss your sister as well. I know that it doesn't really get easier. It comes in waves and we just learn to ride the waves of celebration and sorrow.

    Someone suggested I make a memory box, but I don't know where to begin. Anyway, I have rattled on enough. I thank you once again for your compassionate reply and I certainly wish you all the best!!!
  5. Mary87

    Mary87 New Member

    I am so sorry for you both...I lost my sister 3.5 years ago to Leukemia. She was diagnosed 7 months after my father died and she was gone within 8 weeks. She was my best friend and knew all my secrets. We would talk in the morning and at night and also text throughout the day. My world became so quiet without her.

    MarkSteven - you mention the magic sentence that keeps me going every day....I was so blessed to have her in my life for 50 years! I will forever be grateful to God for sending her to me. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer the same day she discovered she was pregnant with my sister, Sue. The doctors wanted to do an abortion so they could start radiation. She absolutely refused. Susan was the last gift she gave my father and I and she was so treasured! It was always the 3 of us when we were young and we were all so close. I miss them both but I am grateful to the wonderful childhood I shared with Sue and our loving father.

    Being grateful has helped me get to this point in my has not been easy but it does help.