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belongings

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by ainie, Jan 14, 2020.

  1. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member


    Mini meltdowns have become part of life, still waiting for the first day without one !!? Good for you getting out on your own, I hope that went well !! I understand your emotions of coming home to the empty house, it was once a happy time pulling into the driveway with my sweetheart, its now a reminder that she's gone. I also get the same feeling leaving, she used to say when we were pulling out to go to work " good bye little house on the lake " I now say it in her absence but it's always with tears. We WILL get through this journey and there WILL be sunshine when we reach the other side...
     
  2. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Thanks for that Bogman, that I'm normal. Have a good day everyone.
     
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m happy you were able to push through and see a movie. That’s an accomplishment for sure. Coming home to an empty house, so difficult. I know your feeling on the garage, and seeing his things. That happens to me too. You accomplished a big thing yesterday, even if arriving home was difficult. You still had a positive.
    I find being in the car is one of the hardest things. I cry in the car all the time. Have to pull over sometimes. Of coarse other things set me off but, the car is pretty constant. Any of you feel that about being in your car?
    Cooking for one really sucks! It’s not going well. I have my daughter come over often and cook for both of us, of coarse that’s not every night. The kitchen isn’t a happy place anymore. I miss cooking for us.
    So, I made it to Florida, been anxious for weeks for this visit to my son. There was crying along the way and the person sitting with us on the plane was going to visit her sister and spend over 2 weeks with her, because her sisters husband passed in 2018. She visits her often. It hit home with me and brought on quite a bit of crying. My sister is so opposite of that, it hurts. But what a awesome sister to spend time and energy trying to help her sister through the torment we all know so well. Feeling a little less anxious now that I’m here, but the spare room upsets me, I’m not supposed to be staying without Ron. My heart aches. Hoping this visit does me some good.
     
    bel likes this.
  4. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Good to hear you made it to Florida, now just coast as best as you can. I know it's hard to stay there without him, all you can do is remember he's a part of you and with you all the time. You'd think the car would be a safe place, being that you're supposed to be concentrating on driving. Sure that works for average problems, I would go for a drive to get my mind off of a bad day. But as we all know on here, this is more than a bad day or an average problem, I do the same and also have pulled over.

    Enjoy the sun, warmth, and family.
     
  5. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member

    I went out tonight with some friends to a local bar for the first time since Cathi passed to watch a band play. I missed dancing with her, she was always the one to initiate us dancing. Damn this is hard....
     
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  6. bel

    bel Member

    Talking about cooking. I completely lost interest in cooking for myself. It took 3 months before I starting cooking again. I ate take away for 3 months straight. I use to like cooking for us both but cooking for one does suck.
     
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  7. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you! I’m certainly trying. I’m hoping to make a nice dinner for us all while I’m here. I love to cook, or I used to anyway. Cooking for myself is pretty non existent. I cook when my daughter is over, but this would be for 4 people, so I’m hoping making us all a nice dinner will feel good. Also hoping it warms up here so I can get some nice warm sun.
    I do know Ron is with me, I can feel his presence I also know he’s proud of me for many things I’ve accomplished since he’s passed. I have so many wonderful memories but they make me sad, but feeling he’s with me feels good. How do you all feel, can happy memories bring a smile or more sadness? Sometimes I think of a wonderful memory and I’m doing ok but then I turn to tears. Eventually that will happen and the memories will feel good for us all. And it’s individual for each of us as to when that will happen.
    And yes, we all know it’s more then a bad day, I think we’d all love to just have a bad day instead of what we’re living through. I’m sorry you’ve experienced the need to pull over too. I bet most of have. The car feels so lonely.
    Wishing you all a positive day, I’m hoping for that for everyone!
     
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  8. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Good morning, everyone. bel my refrigerator is littered with take out or left over containers from restaurants, going to need to learn how to deal with cooking for one. I know Mark would have been better at it, he loved to make soup and things like that. He'd be making batches and freezing stuff for later.

    Bogman, what type of music? Seems like women like to dance more, my husband said guys only do it to make us happy. When we started dating he knew how much I liked to dance he brought a friend of his along that liked to dance so I'd have someone to dance with. To be honest, I didn't know what to make of it. But now I look back and laugh, it just illustrates what crazy lengths he'd go through to make me happy. Turns out the friend of his, was a lifelong friend and calls to check on me, I know he is feeling this loss very hard.

    Robin, I hope your cooking for everyone brings you some joy. For me same thing, a mix smiles turn into tears. I'm hoping everyone has some sunshine today, it's been cloudy for days here in Chicago, however normal to above normal temps, better than the polar vortex last year. The extreme cold did bother my husband's lungs so this reprieve would have been welcomed. Oh well, keep pushing on.
     
    bel likes this.
  9. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member


    It was was classic rock , pop some reggae. Funny your husband would bring someone for you to dance with !! I took dance lessons a few times with my wife but even that wouldn't help much lol. She had moves unfortunately the guy she married didn't but I got points for trying :) Dan
     
  10. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a good mix. Trust me, I'm sure you got more points than you know the effort is all that counts. I missed watching the game with him tonight, went out with a GF for dinner. I dread Valentine's day, we didn't really celebrate it, we did our anniversary. One year he was in the hospital for our 25th. He had his brother send a dozen roses to the room so he could give me flowers when I visited. (In tears now.)
     
    bel likes this.
  11. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member

    In tears reading your post...Any guy who made sure he had flowers for his sweetheart while he was in the hospital loved her !! I've thought how much easier this past couple of months would have been if I hadn't have loved her so much but I guess that makes us lucky to have been the ones who did love their spouse. There are a few days coming that will be difficult, valentines being one of them, we'll get through it !!
     
  12. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’ve had that same exact thought, things would be easier if we didn’t have such a loving caring marriage, But no, you’re right, we need to celebrate the wonderful lives we enjoyed with our spouses.
    Love, love, love your story of the roses! Such a wonderful love story. I’m not looking forward to Valentine’s Day either. Such a difficult day. We’d make a special dinner and I made Ron a heart shaped chocolate cake every year, never missed a year since 1975. That is til last year. Ron would get me flowers or jewelry, and spend a quiet evening at home. Was very difficult and I’m seriously not looking forward to this year. And then Ron’s birthday is the 27th. Ugh! We just need to try and get through. We need to celebrate how lucky we were to have such wonderful marriages. Hate past tense words.
     
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  13. Wil!

    Wil! Guest

    Oklahoma.--- I lost my husband in June of 2019. He had been sick for many years. Before the sickness, he was described by many as pure genius. The law degrees and engineering degrees vanished as he had a major stroke during surgery at age 58 to prevent a major stroke. He didn't know I was his wife and he didn't remember our three kids. He regained some functions to but to no avail. They wanted to put him in a nursing home but instead, I took him to work with me and then he wanted to stay at home by himself after a couple of years. He lived to be 75 spending the last three years in a nursing home after taking another fall with more mini strokes. He was in excruciating pain for the last three years of his life. It was hard to see someone so strong diminish the way he did. I finally told him he could go live with Jesus and he was gone in twelve hours. Now that the sea has calmed I miss and cry for him every day.
     

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  14. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    You have been through so much, and taking him to work with you and having him at home too. Life of a caretaker is difficult, I called my duties caretaker lite. After my husband's stroke while intubated he did regain most all his functions. He had some vision and balance deficits. We both knew it could have been worst, but he had he had heart and lung disease so it was in/out of the hospital. My heart breaks for you and admires the strength you have. I'm sure he felt your love for him. My husband would periodically say thank you for taking care of me. That was so sweet of him, he didn't have to thank me I love him. I just wish I was impatient and even what I'd call mean at times. We forget how hard it is, we watch our loved ones not be what they want to be, it's hard. I'd get angry at times, and then I'd remind myself that others are too in the same or even a worse predicament and struggling. Remember what you did for him was amazing and loving.
     
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  15. bel

    bel Member

    Oh that is so sweet , he just sounds like he had a huge heart x
     
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  16. bel

    bel Member

    Aughh Valentines day, just a horrible reminder my partner in life is missing. :rolleyes:
     
  17. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Yes, that’s pretty much all it is now. A very sad reminder.
     
  18. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    It is a reminder. The TV commercials don't help.
     
  19. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Agreed! A very difficult day to get through!
     
  20. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Just spent a half hour reading all the posts here. We are all so normal. My garage is full of tools also, planning to have a Garage-Garage Sale in the spring. Also have 4 vehicles to sell...a 1955 VW, a 1950 Harley panhead, a 1980 911 Porche, and a 1977 GMC motorhome. You could say Mike was a mechanical collector. Cooking for one is something I had time to get used to, Mike was unable to eat for his last 15 months so I had already worked out meals for one. I went to an Acting class just this Tuesday....it was great...for 3 hours my mind was totally occupied, I met 12 new people, and I laughed out loud! But then home to the empty house with no one tell about the class. Learning to surf this ocean of grief. Continuing to go through things in the house...somedays I do 10 minutes of sorting, somedays an hour...I stop when my heart hurts too much and rest from it for a couple days.
     
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