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Bat in the house!

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by Cammiecat, Nov 15, 2018.

  1. Cammiecat

    Cammiecat New Member

    I lost my partner of 30 years three months ago. He was the best. Each day there are little reminders of the different ways that I have to go on with my life without him. This morning that thing arrived as a bat in the house. Normally after the cats alert me to this thing, Dave would get out his gloves and play the superhero, getting the bat out and making me feel safe. That couldn't happen this time. Dave is dead. It's not safe. I don't feel safe. So, after texting some friends, I did the only thing left to me. I called the police. Not 911. The non-emergency line. They came, removed the bat, traumatized the kitties, and left. I still don't feel safe.
    It's a feeling of acute loss that I get when confronted with the "firsts". The first bat in the house, the first snow fall, the first time I took out the garbage (That was Dave's job).
    Lately I've had a more difficult time with grief. Maybe it's the holidays coming. It's a time of firsts. Each first is going to be difficult, I understand that, but I wasn't prepared to be this alone.
     
    Cammiecat, Nov 15, 2018
    #1
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your partner, and I think what you are describing so well is the experience of secondary losses. It's hard enough to lose a person we love, but as time goes on we recognize all of the things that have been lost along with them. I'm glad that you are reaching out for help and I'm hoping you can find some connection here. We also have a blog filled with articles on topics that may be a help to you, I'm including one here that relates to some of what you were saying: https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/why-grief-is-so-hard-lasts-so-long/. I hope it can be a help to you.
    Thanks for joining us and please let me know if you have any specific questions about the site. We wish you all the best~
     
    griefic, Nov 16, 2018
    #2
  3. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Dealing with “firsts” can be hard. My mother died suddenly in May. One week later, it was Mother’s Day - the first without her. In September came her birthday. Now we have the holidays. It will never be the same. Hopefully, we can adapt.
     
    Sciguy, Nov 16, 2018
    #3
  4. San

    San Member

    The firsts are awful. My mom died October 14th of this year and her birthday would have been November 17th. She would have been 96. Last year I had a party for her and now I felt such devastation thinking she's in the ground for this birthday.
     
    San, Nov 22, 2018
    #4