My 75-year old dad died last weekend; he’d been declining for a while and had become less able to take care of himself and do the things he loved. He had a stroke, was in the hospital scared and alone for almost a week; he stopped talking and eating and they were sending him home on hospice and he died in the ambulance in his driveway. I know it’s early days yet, but I think I am doing too well. I tell myself that he hasn’t been himself in a while, my mom was his primary caretaker and it was overwhelming for her so I am relieved she doesn’t have to do that anymore. I know it’s not how I “really” feel (or only how I feel) because I am unreasonably angry at little things that come up. My younger sister volunteered to write his obituary and when she sent the siblings a copy to proofread when she finished it at 3:30 A.M., I was mad at her because there were misspellings. My in-laws called with their condolences and I didn’t want to answer the phone. I roll my eyes when I get a sympathy card in the mail. Intellectually, I understand that avoiding feeling bad is not a good tactic. And yet, I don’t know how to do anything else, and frankly I’m afraid to.
Chrissyaileen, It is so unbearable when we lose the one who raised us, was our provider and guardian. I am sorry for the loss of your father. It is normal to be angry, not care for what others say, even feel slighted at the littlest possible of words. That is your grief and sorrow take ahold of you. You are coming to realize your father will no longer be available to visit, talk with, and do the things in life you had come accustomed to. During this isolation and having to stay away, and shelter in place makes it hard to have any decent time with family and friends. At least by phone, you can have some facetime with others if you wish. When Nadine my wife died from cancer, I let her sister write the obit. I provided the information from my side of the family and she from hers. You see her sister was her last remaining sibling, with Nadine’s loss, Arthur and Henry both younger brothers and lastly her younger sister Donna. So I knew Linda needed to do this and she would make sure everything was perfect. Linda created this video for the funeral service that played above us as everyone spoke. Please press the button under my wife's picture titled Play Tribute Movie https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/auburn-me/nadine-hughes-6409908 Your feelings are being held inside you. Eventually it might hit you unexpectedly and develop into depression. It happened to me and I was treated with antidepressants for 5 months. Please take care of yourself. Allow those precise tears to fall. It will take time to recover from the loss of your father. Just give yourself that time to start towards healing inside yourself. Peace be with you today. -david This is a melody I found for you
O dear u are absolutely doing great. Trust me avoiding feeling bad is not a crime. U know deep down why u are behaving like this. Everyone also understands. U need love the most when you least deserve it. So it's okay to keep yourself aloof from people who unnecessarily try to bring up memories and make you feel bad or miss the person. He was is and will always be your dad . His love will always touch you in more ways than one. He loves you and it's very important for him that you love yourself too do not be so hard on yourself. Love Appy.
Chrissyaileen, You are not alone I too avoided times I should have engaged an processed my feelings There is no quick way to end greiving Talking about feelings sharing feelings has been very helpful to me Yes there are times wten I shared my feelings and I hurt worse after sharing then a small feeling of acceptance and I felt less pain sharing the next time Part of my sharing is the positive living memories I have with a lost parent yes sharing both I feel pain a deep loss of love water leaks from my eyes All the best for you Caring Sharing Growing Living Loving
