and another loss...

Discussion in 'Loss of Sibling' started by ainie, Jul 12, 2020.

  1. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    My dear sweet sister-in-law died yesterday evening. She was truly an earth angel. In all the many years she was part of my family never once was she anything but smart, and sweet, and generous, and kind. She and Mike were diagnosed with cancer the same year and became close as they understood each others journey so well. They both had an outrageous sense of humour and would joke about death in ways only they could get away with. Heaven will never be the same now that they are together up there!

    I am so thinking of my baby brother and my nieces as I know too well they journey they are now on. She was only 51 and my nieces are young, two still in high school and two just graduated university. The girls were not allowed to be with her because of Covid rules. My brother was told he could not stay with her either but he just looked at the nurse and said "No. That is wrong. I am staying with her" No one at the hospital said another word and he did stay until the end.

    This year is almost more than I can take.
     
  2. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    What have I done wrong? No one cares how I hurt.
     
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Ainie,
    You’ve certainly had a rough go this year. My heart breaks for you. So many losses, too much to bare.
    I love that your brother stood to the hospital and stayed by her side. They needed each other and he did what his heart told him to do.
    You have such a wonderful family from what I can tell through your writing. And everything feels so broken now. You certainly do know your brothers journey and their children’s journey. I’m thinking possibly you live close to your brother, so you can help each other. Words can’t express how I’m feeling for you all right now. I’m sorry I didn’t see this earlier.
    I’m praying for you and your family. God Bless!
     
  4. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Thank you Robin. This second loss seems to be too much. I thought I was doing ok. taking care of things and being "strong" whatever that is. Now I feel so utterly alone. Yes my brother lives close, only a 15 minute drive away. He has been calling on me for support and I have willingly given it. My daughter is literally my next door neighbour, they built on part of our land that her Dad gave them. So yes I have wonderful family close by. BUT...somewhere in the past I was deemed to be the strong one in the family. Through the deaths of Mom, Dad, and two other brothers it was I who pulled everyone together. My daughter has had a very, very hard time with her Dad's death and was seriously depressed for months this winter. Anyway I guess what I'm trying to say is WHO DO I GET TO LEAN ON! It feels so selfish and wrong to say that but my strength is spent, gone.
     
  5. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I seriously feel for you, too many things being thrown your way. I’ve had a couple losses since Ron passed, they were not as close to me as you losing your sister in law. One was my cousins son, that I hadn’t met but it upset me terribly, and a few weeks back Ron’s aunt passed away, I knew her well and she was a part of our life, and I felt a huge loss, but I didn’t have the closeness you had with your sister in law. I can feel your pain, I’m glad your daughter is is right there next door, for each other. I have an understanding of her depression, my daughter lives 15 minutes away, we support each other constantly. And she’s had a very difficult time also losing her Dad
    You are NOT selfish, you’re caring for everyone else and putting you low on the list. That’s not good. You’re as important as every person you’re helping and supporting. I wish I could give you a much needed hug. Of course support your brother, and daughter, but it might be time to let them see your vulnerability.