Am I the only one who can't sleep?

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by twyla, Feb 3, 2019.

  1. twyla

    twyla Member

    Hello everyone, I lost my mother 3 weeks ago. I haven't slept since, except for 2-3 hours every few days (8 hours per week at best), and that's when I take some sleep-eze or night time cold medication. I was told those sleeping pills would knock me out but they don't. I tried meditation, sleep hypnosis, exercise, keeping busy until I drop... but nothing works. The few times I do sleep, I dream my mom is still alive and all this was just a nightmare, then I wake up and realize the nightmare is reality. I don't want to see a doctor and get hooked on any kind of antidepressant that will numb me (I'm not sick, I'm just grieving). This didn't happen when my father passed away, it was actually the opposite, I slept for weeks on end. I'm wondering if anyone else is going through, or has gone through this? Is insomnia a part of grief? Will I ever properly sleep again?
  2. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    I will say yes and it was one of the worst conditions, Days with none or minimal sleep. So tired in the day. I did remove the stimulants like smoking and a pot of coffee. Went to sleepy time noncaffeine tea. Some melatonin. This helped sometimes. The mental racing self talk. That one perhaps some professional help. So many ways that can be approached. I jokingly said give me an induced coma. Seriously just conversations with friends or trusted people. Anything to distract or take a break from the obsessional thinking. Some much to process so fast. It is going to be this way. As my stages presented no one could stop them. I was fortunate to have friends that could tolerate the mania. I did go to counseling and will go more. As she, my Hospice councilor said we need to speak our truth. Hope this helped.
    Gran likes this.
  3. uplate6674

    uplate6674 Member

    I’m in the same boat. My psychiatrist prescribed sleeping pills, and they help me fall asleep, but every day I wake up at 2 or 3 am and can’t get back to sleep. There’s usually a tiny lag time when I awaken where I forget my mom is dead, then I remember she is and I am devastated.
    twyla likes this.
  4. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    I continue to be amazed at how powerful grief is! Sometimes I think I am better and coping well. Then I am reminded that yes better but not done or regress. I have used prescription sleep aid methods and are glad for them. There does seem to be a trade-off with the slow foggy morning brain. Exercise, walks, work, all help but not always. Seems to be either intentional good choices to help. Then there are the day's that is what they are and I have to cope as well as I can. Believe tomorrow will be better. The serenity prayer comes to mind. Trial and error and we know that life had both joy and pain.
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  5. DOT

    DOT New Member

    Yes, grief sometimes feels as if you're riding an emotional roller coaster.
    twyla likes this.
  6. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Tiger. Pack of Alligators. Bucking Broncos. the list goes on!!!
    twyla likes this.
  7. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    I don't sleep. A lot of clicking on the tube. My mom always said "You have to call me every morning". No more phone call to make.
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  8. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    I am self-medicating which may be worse. I want to be asleep before it gets dark because it's so lonely then. But I wake up in the middle of the night. Right now I know if I had a friend who would be with me to take my dog for a walk and talk to me it would help begin to stop the grief.
  9. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    My more usual description of the grief process. That is one of the more in use terms is a process and of course, it is all so individual. I will tell people that I am operating on a third of my mental ability. I will use the metaphor of being hit by a bus and the resulting concussion symptoms that would result from a hard impact. There were and are those sleepless and insomnia strickening nights. I can not control and know I will pay for with the zombie-like stupor that following day. The tears I choose to see as deeply felt gratitude for the forty years of love and care I received from Kay. Maybe each one represents each kind thought or action that so benefitted my life. There were so many, One woman mentioned to see my marriage as a gift. See her unique impact on who I am as a person. There could have not been a better education. Sleep is better. Sometimes intentional exercise or sleep aids of various kinds. I always knew this would be a few steps forward and several steps back. Each cycle with a little less intensity. Maybe some useful information comes my way or just adjust the way I think. Change the angle of the lens. Best to all as we struggle with what one book I have called, " The Dark Night Of the Soul.
  10. Saintgrl74

    Saintgrl74 Active Member

    I don’t know what has come first, it’s a chicken and egg situation, but I’m in a cycle of not sleeping well at night and napping in the afternoon. And pretty much zombieing through a lot of the day. Been going on for about a week. I have no profound advice on the matter but I’d thought I’d pop in and share on the matter.
  11. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    Yesterday, I took the dog for a walk. My neighbor was working on his yard. I was crying. I walked past him, just waved, then turned back and asked him if he would just walk with me. It helped. I don't even know his last name. I wake up early, do nothing productive for hours though I am surrounded by so much to do. At noon it becomes "12:00 somewhere". I fall asleep at 6ish. Up at 1 back asleep at 5 then up at 6. Rinse, lather, repeat. Know self medicating is wrong. Sometimes it allows me to cry so much, I don't wake up and actually sleep through the night. All of my mother's belongings came to my house. All of her stuff is in every room (both bedrooms, bathroom, dining room, kitchen, on doors, garage). I am living in the living room. I wake up and it just reminds me of what I should be doing and then don't.
  12. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    When my dad died, he had suffered with the cancer for a year and we spent most of that year together with me being his primary caregiver. It was right before Christmas when he passed. I cried but I was so tired from the last year that I could sleep. My mom passed suddenly. Her belongings are all over my home. I don't want the anti-depressants. I am not working so skip joining a gym. I have a house full of projects, a yard that needs to be taken care of, mom's stuff everywhere. Even though I am self-medicating I know for me it is the loneliness. My mom was the most undomesticated person you could have ever met (had a cleaning lady, my dad did the cooking, maintained the yard...… mom couldn't even make coffee) but she would be the first one offering to come over to help. I would like a friend to come over, help me get motivated, let me talk. When I am productive I feel better but just can't motivate myself right now. Hence the cycle of grieving, depression and not sleeping. Actually thinking of buying a new house to motivate me. Sounds crazy and it is but when I'm down it seems logical.
  13. KarenP thank you for sharing that. Do you have any friends who can come over? I've used this opportunity to re-connect with people I haven't talked to in a while. I'm a bit of an introvert, and I overdid it, but I think it helped my healing. I'd encourage you to call people, even those you haven't talked to in a while.

    It's hard when you're fighting yourself. Things need to be cleaned up, put away, thrown away, whatever. Some days, just getting out of bed and taking a shower sounds like a waste of energy. Other days, maybe a bit more.

    One word of advice, if I may, PLEASE don't buy a new house. That would be considered a "major financial decision" and you're definitely not prepared to make that kind of decision. Start with something small, if you're looking for motivation. For instance, I had a good day yesterday so I cleaned the gutters. I HATE cleaning gutters. Took me all day to find the motivation, but somehow I got it done. Don't overlook your small victories. Use them to your advantage.
  14. Achelois2109

    Achelois2109 New Member

    Me too, can't sleep since it happened..Sorry for your loss. At some point the insomnia drove me insane and my psychiatrist gave me something to help fall asleep. But I am on other meds for other conditions and do not want to get dependant on new ones...Sending you a hug.
  15. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Achelois hug received and thanks. You know that enhanced interrogation uses sleep deprivation. I do dread that restless night and know that the next day will be the living dead movie. Also, diabetes if unmanaged can be a real factor in mood swings and mental processing. I have a woman friend who has most of her life is too familiar with edges. Not sure if you are referring to psychotropic medications but if you are could you comment on Zoloft, Lamotrigine, Ritalin. in combination. Even with thoses, she is hitting a rugged space. She has gone thru a horrible two-year relationship implosion and that now has ended. She has plenty of legitimate concerns but her condition makes dealing with them so much harder. Just asking as I hate to see her suffer. This can go private chat if you so choose. Anyway, hug you back.
  16. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    Thank you for the advice. I decided my best option is trying to get my house in order. So, I went a bought myself a new dishwasher. Got the second to the cheapest and having it professionally installed. Cleaned out some clothes I have not worn in years for donation and are going to try to put the clean clothes that have been piling up away. Going to try to do an organizational project everyday......even is just small.