All those firsts...

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by glego, Aug 16, 2020.

  1. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Just went through my first birthday without him, this coming week will be his birthday, and in September what would have been our 30th. anniversary. These firsts I've been told are difficult, have you been through some, and how did you handle that day? Did you keep busy, or?
     
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  2. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    I had a lot of firsts right away after Peg's death. Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, New years, then Peg's birthday, our anniversary. All in winter. It's a blur to me now. I must have been in shock thru most of it. I don't remember much of it. Maybe it's better that way. Idk. Keeping busy is always best for me and I know I had a lot of family around me. I wish you peace on those days. Try to be strong and remember some happy memories.
     
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  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m sorry you have so many firsts right on top of each other. I seriously feel for you. It will be a difficult time. I’ve been there and been through it. In fact in a couple weeks I’ll have my second birthday without my husband. I’m dreading it.
    For my husbands first birthday after he passed my daughter and I went to see a movie, because that’s what we always did on our birthdays. We’d take the day off work and always went to see a movie and have a special dinner. So that’s what I tried to do in his honor. And I invited a few family members to have dinner at a favorite restaurant of his. I tried to keep it close to what we normally did. And we all shared memories. I kept it as simple as possible. On our anniversary, my daughter and I went to an arboretum we used to visit before we were married and then we also took our children there. So it was a special place for us. And I sent out a text to multiple people to share any memories they had from our wedding. It’s all very difficult but for me I try to keep things simple and spend these days with people we were and I still am close to.
    So, staying somewhat busy I believe helps, sharing memories with others has helped me. I know for me, I can’t be alone on those special days, I need people and support.
    I know it’s hard and nothing feels right or ok.
    Do what you feel might work for you
     
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  4. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies. Christmas and New Year's rolled around so quickly, as Barry said, "shock" I must have been in the same spot. The birthday's are hard because we were a week apart, so we always planned a trip or something for the house, just not the same. I'll try to keep moving.
     
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  5. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Yes I had Thanksgiving 4 days after Ron passed, then Christmas and New Years. I was in a fog for all of them except I know I had a house full on thanksgiving. Then Feb was his birthday. It was like fast fire coming at me. We always went away for our anniversary. It’s all hard of course. Keep moving and have support with you.
    My up coming birthday is going to be rough. We planned on closing our business and start retirement on this birthday. Sign me up for SS and start to enjoy life without work, travel, house renovations etc. I’ll be the age he was when he passed.
    Sharing memories, can be helpful and also extra emotional. But memories help.
    Keep us posted. All the best!
     
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  6. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Every day without him is hard but doing some of the firsts are what I dread. Easter was the first holiday without him and it hurt because we had just finished talking about it. He had bought him and the kids an outfit. I couldn't make myself go anywhere that day. It rained off and on so I hid eggs 4 the kids at home. His family did a big dinner at his sister house but I couldn't go cause that's where we were last year. I kept busy for mines and my sons bday without him. Mothers day I took him Roses cause that wat he would've given me. I'm dreading Christmas. I get teary eyed thinking about it. I pray you surround yourself with love on those days and have strength to get through them.
     
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  7. LeeD

    LeeD Member

    My wifes birthday is coming up on August 23, and its going to be tough. It will be my first of firsts. Definitely not looking forward to it
     
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  8. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Lee, wishing you strength.
     
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  9. LeeD

    LeeD Member

    Thank you. I'm wishing the same for you
     
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  10. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

     
  11. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    Yes ive just been thru my first as well..windy passed in July and her b day was less than a month later in August.
    It was rough to say the least.would have been 53.
    The kids and me we tried to make it a celabration of her life. We had a cake .her favorite and set around and ralked about what fun we had in the years past.. Then at the end of the day we had 2 ballons that we all signed and had little birthday guides on wishing her a happy heavenly birthday and released them to rhe heavens..
    It was very touching and helped us a luttle .wwre going t do it every year on her day.
    Like I said it helped us maybe it would u too..
    God bless..
     
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  12. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Nice Michael!! I really enjoyed reading that. It touched my heart. Good job with your kids!!
     
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  13. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Michael, sounds like a wonderful day. I'm still trying to figure out how I want to put together the day.
     
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  14. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

     
  15. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    Thank you..
    Yea I lost my first and only love but they lost a mother and grandmother.
    The best there will ever be.

    But I will see her again one day
     
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  16. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

     
  17. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    Plenty of things you can do..
    In memorial..
    This is one windy done for her mom and now the kids and do it for both..as well as for my parents..
    But we do it as a celebration of their lives not their passing which helps us to have a little closer but never saying goodbye..
    Just saying well see you later..
    God bless dear you'll find your way
     
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  18. MDGinVA

    MDGinVA Member

    Tomorrow makes 5 weeks since my wife died. My birthday is 10 days away and I’m not looking forward to it. I never made a big deal about my birthday, but Debi always tried to make them special. I know I am going to miss her and all the things she would do for me. She always had a smile that would make me smile. I can’t stand it that she isn’t here.
     
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  19. Michael beck

    Michael beck Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss.
    I know all to well the pain and emptiness you are feeling.
    It all just seems so surreal at least it did to me..
    My advise is to do just what your wife and you would have done only with your kids or family or friends..try not to be alone.make it day that you know she would have wanted you to have..
    God bless you and your family
     
  20. MDGinVA

    MDGinVA Member

    Thank you for advice. We had no children, but her sister has said that we are all meeting up for dinner. I appreciate them so much.